a picture of a mother from a to z

A description of a mother.

Amazing: She's a giver of self, master of the schedule, who has the ability to get everyone dressed and find the missing shoe within fifteen minutes, and daily is in one of the most challenging jobs in the world for the littlest pay but with the most beautiful rewards that are often not seen until it is finished.

Brave: Motherhood is full of brave moments that are often dismissed as normal moments. A mother is brave in the simple moments of life - in all the times she believes that the next day will be better than the last or that their child will get better or that they will be able to make it to five pm and get dinner made or in those times that they let those no longer babies but now grown ones go just a bit - those are just a fraction of the brave mother moments.

Courageous: She can change a diaper with only one wipe. She can walk her kindergartner into class, give a kiss on the cheek, and not let the tears fall until she's back in the car. She has the learned that art of getting up, brushing off the tired, and continuing on with her day even when there's no coffee in the house.

Dreamer: Not only for extra hours of sleep or that the baby sleeps in or for them to not forget anything in their backpacks or that there isn't any bickering between the kids in the day, but also for those children she's blessed to mother.

Efficient: Also known as chief multi-tasker and chief get stuff done in a crunch individual.

Feeler: Happy, sad, worried, grateful, angry, hopeful, tired, joyful, silly, frustrated, weary, with are you kidding me? moments, proud times, disappointed, focused, and all more within a 24 hour period. Sometimes she just feels exhausted and in those times she feels everything a hundred times more.

Grace Giver: For herself, for her family, and for those children that call her mother. Grace is something that is learned throughout that journey of being a mother.

Hand holder: For those first classes, across the street, when they're sick, when you believe in them, when you watch a movie together, in the store, before a piano recital, and when they say goodbye.

Instituter: Of rules, regulations, plans, structures, time outs, and bedtimes.

Joy Seeker: A skill that is learned and refined as the motherhood days go on. She learns to find joy in the little things - the everyday very beautiful moments that the world races by but the mother gets to cherish. It's in the handprints on the windows and the marker marks left on the table - they're the little things that make a house a home and a woman a mom.

Kisser: On cheeks of babes and sticky faces of toddlers and nervous first graders and for that owie that just needs to get better on that graduating senior who feels like they were just the toddler.

Learner: Always learning. Everything in motherhood that is new for every mother. No one knows what to expect until they're in the midst of it. And to make things interesting - no two kids are alike and what one likes the other hates and correction strategies for one make the other rebel. It's a constant breath of learning, trying again, learning, and trying again.

Manager: Of time, laundry, kids, cars, mail, bills, groceries, schedules, phone numbers, orthodontic treatment options, allowances, of things fair, and all those little everyday things.

Nurturer: From pushing swings to tying shoes to spreading peanut butter on bread to whispering the words I believe in you to tucking them in at night - mothers are nurturers in the most simple things that they do. They carry their children's dreams with them and with that their heart.

Optimistic: Most of the time. This is the beautiful trait of mothers. Even when they aren't feeling optimistic about themselves, they're often very optimistic about those under their care.

Patient: Even though we never pray for patience mothers are some of the most patient people out there. It takes patience to give options all day long and to reason to little ones and to clean their room day after day after day even though the promise was that the next time it would stay clean. It takes patience to when the time ticks by slowly or when the three year old decides to have one of those challenging preschool days.

Quieter: Of bad dreams and fears and anxieties - some of which are in her own heart.

Real: A real mother has the good days, bad days, medium days, crazy days, fabulous days, terrible days, normal days, fast paced days, and days where she just feels grateful. Real is beautiful. Even if sometimes it is a bit messy.

Saint: Just because. I mean, really, mothers really are saints. If one can stand up to years of diaper changers, throwing up catching, late night rocking, dirty plate scraping, slammed doors dealing, absolutely fair and equal ice cream dishing, constant driving, nose wiping, and stepping on legos then one can move to saint category.

Thinker: The mother is a thinker. What's for dinner, where are the ballet shoes, when will they get home, what's the best way to potty train, where should we go tomorrow, where in the world is the coffee, how can I be at four places at once. The mom - she's a thinker.

Understander: Moms get to listen to it all - from the needs for the new things to the worries about not doing well to the hopes and dreams.  Moms get their kids, they understand their kids - most of the time - and when they don't they've mastered the art of nodding and smiling and listening and hoping and loving those kids.

Very Tired: Always. Not just physically, but mentally. The mother has little ones they're raising in a very fast, competitive, and often not measure up feeling world. All of that, and the lack of sleep, can leave a mother tired. But even in the tired, there's gratitude for little things that help - like Rock Paper Scissors for who gets to start or calendars with dates all filled in or dishwashers that are constantly running.

Wonder Woman: Yes. This. Always this. Read --> Mothers are heroes.

Xtraordinary: Unbelievable, brave, courageous, get up at the crack of dawn, can make the day better, can find the items forever deemed as lost that no one else can find when put to the challenge, laundry master, dishes cleaner, floor mopping, toilet scrubber, hair comber, answers to a million cries of mom, learns to say yes more, sharer of the last sip of her coffee, deal finder, who goes to bed exhausted only to start it again the next day - mothers are extraordinary.

Youthful: At least always by heart. Children keep us mothers young each Candyland game after a time (even though we joke that they're making us get older) despite the graying of hair and adding of wrinkles. Which, by the way, should only be called laugh lines.

Zipper Unstuckers: This automatically goes on the list. Have a child with a coat with a stuck zipper? Add a mother and that zipper will come undone. Zippers are no match for any zealous mother.

Onward brave mothers onward!

What words would you use to describe moms?

Read these to read more about how the amazing strength of moms.
20 Motherhood Tips
20 {More} Motherhood Tips
Ten Things Moms Need to Remember

For those of you looking to link with Friday Favorite Things - it will return - it's undergoing a bit of a change to make it better and with a deeper focus. Thanks for your patience!
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the little things matter {free printable}

Brave mother, today, today it's about celebrating you, your story, and all the little amazing things that you do. I know that so often life is full of seeing the things that aren't done, aren't finished, and didn't turn out the way you wanted them to be. Today? Today it is about seeing those things in life where you do well, where you said yes, and where you found joy.

You have them. They are tucked in the fabric of your everyday. Those smile and high fives that you give to your toddler when they are potty training matter. Those times where you swing through Starbucks to get that frappuccino for your teenager matter. The folding of socks, the reading of books, the making of dinner, the breathing deep while you regain perspective - all of that matters.

Celebrate you. Your story. Your accomplishments. Start to see the hero of a mother that you truly are in the everyday normal. The {free} printable that I've attached is simple - it's a place for you to record the joy moments, the little things that matter moments from your day. They are simple things, sweet mother, simple normal things that I want you to embrace instead of dismissing them as just things moms do. Those just things? They are amazing brave motherhood beautiful things.



Download the page. Share this page with a friend. Download it again. You and I are in the motherhood journey together. When we encourage each other we become stronger. You encourage me. Thank you.

Onward my brave mother friend, onward.

Click -> the little things matter to download your free printable {via google docs}

Where were you brave today? What little thing made a difference?

*****
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the perfect mom fallacy.

But where does this idea of being perfect come from?

I read the words embedded in my comments and mulled them over - me the perfectionist that will make a graphic over because the spacing is off a bit - me the perfectionist who will wander her yard in the morning and find all the flaws in it. Me the perfectionist, who will throw that blanket over the rips in the couch or apologize for the mess or be afraid to admit that there are dirty dishes waiting to be washed. Me the perfectionist who writes about letting go of the perfect simply because she, too, has to constantly put life and joy and worth into perspective.

This perfect mother syndrome. I guess that's what it could be called. Where and when did the idea of being or having everything perfect get added to the layers of everything a mother has to do? It's this perfect pressure on us as mothers - this need to be on top of everything constantly - and there doesn't seem to be space for grace. It's either perfect or it's not measuring up. Failing.

I love media. I love pinterest, facebook, television, my iphone, and all of the conveniences of modern world. I love my dishwasher, laundry machine (especially after a weekend of sick kids), and that car that races me from here to there in that never ending scurry to keep going. I love being able to write on a teeny netbook on my front porch in Minnesota and to communicate and form relationships with women all over the world. I love it. It's a gift, this media, this form of communication, and all of that.

But, I also think that it contributes to this illusion of perfection. You see media and modern communications allows us to give glimpses of lives to others. No longer do you have to travel great distances to see others and to spend time doing life with each other - now you can simple write/share/post a picture of a moment. And you and others get to choose the moment. Most often it's the highlights - the good moments - and thus a stream of ideals and good moments that should be celebrated becomes the stream of normal. There isn't a stream of regular, everyday, kids crying in the corner because you wanted them to wear their tennis shoes instead of their flipflops moments.  You don't get the everyday real.

Sometimes I wonder what it was like to be a mother one thousand years ago when there wasn't this constant stream of information pouring past them constantly. Motherhood was about real survival then - it was this need to keep one's child alive and fed and clothed and safe. And yes, you and I, we still have that deep intrinsic need. Yet, now on top, there's this layer of needing to be a certain way. To be the creative mom with the super cool birthday treats. To look a certain way and buy only these clothes. To have homes without rips in the couches and an herb garden on the window sill. To have lives that have wave petunia baskets overflowing on the front porch and handmade crafts dotting the walls. To have <insert anything> to be a better, more funny, more fit, more creative, more on top of it, more anything mother.

It's exhausting.

But, it's not real. Real motherhood? Oh, that's a battleground with legos on the floor and doors slammed in faces and the words I hate you thrown out so quickly over things like losing an ipod. It's got a mother standing in her kitchen staring into cupboards that are too bare and kids telling you they need money for this next thing and you're just wondering how you'll get groceries. It's full of shoes in the entry way that are strewn everywhere and a pile of laundry that could be scaled and classified as a high point in the landscape in your neighborhood. It's full of gum on the shoes and cries of hurry up hurry up let's get going and toddlers who refuse to do anything that day. It's full of working and wondering and the same thing again and again.

It's full of mothers whose hearts are lonely. Whose hearts wonder if they are really making a difference. There are women who have given up work or who have to work or those who do both. There are mothers with kids that are sick or kids with special needs or even those who take care of their own parents. There are mothers who look at their lives and feel like they're just not doing it well enough. There are mothers who are single. They are mothers whose own mother isn't in the picture. There are so many stories, so many variables, so many options - there is no one perfect mom. Not one.

Sometimes we don't celebrate the real motherhood. It gets lost in the cloak of perfect - this illusive non tangible ideal that screams at us that being a real mother isn't enough. To that I say - you are enough. You are enough. Do you need to hear that today? To remember that mothering isn't defined on the number of actually completed pinterest projects, quirky status updates, artsy pictures, organic meals, etc.? Those things, while they are great and fun and needed at times, well, they don't define worth. Worth can't be quantified by external things completed. Worth as a mother comes in the every day. It's in those moments when you get on your knees and look in a child's eye and tell them you believe in them and you love them even after they told you that you are the worst mother in the world. It's in the days when you forget about the rips in the couch and piles of dishes in the sink and the legos on the floor and you welcome a friend in so you can just be.

It's hard to be real, to breathe, to let go, and yet, this world of need to do's needs you to celebrate the beauty of your imperfect motherhood story. No one, and I repeat no one, has the perfect motherhood story. You and I and the next mother we all have our moments of stumbling, falling down, and those days when we simply look around and wonder how in the world this story became our life.

Why does your story matter? Why is your story beautiful?

Because it isn't perfect. Perfect doesn't exist. Perfect motherhood would mean the toddler deciding to potty train on day one, the front porch never having bikes and toys strewn about, and days that run like clockwork. Do you know what makes a mother beautiful? Do you know what defines her? It's her strength in making an imperfect life beautiful. We celebrate the courage, the stick to it type tenacity, the love that we share, and the times when we don't give up. And those things? Those things happen in the imperfect real world of life. Not the perfect.

If all of the externals were suddenly stripped away from us and you and I were left with just surviving you and I would no longer care about those perfect measuring up parameters of today's culture. Instead, our life would be spent doing the most simple and yet celebrated things. Feeding our children. Loving them. Protecting them.

You do that now.

Breathe. Don't define your motherhood story by all you think you should be doing. Define it by all the outstanding things that you already do. I know you have them - step back - just breathe - and start to see them and give yourself credit. I am glad you are not perfect. I am not perfect either. You may have goals that you are reaching for - keep reaching, keep trying, keep giving. But, give yourself the grace to extend grace to yourself. Give yourself credit when credit is due. And begin to see you and all that you already do.  Don't shortchange your story by defining it with the fallacy of the perfect mom.

Your motherhood journey is beautiful because it is your story. Celebrate that story today. You. The mom in the trenches. You the mom on a great day or the mom on a horrible rotten day or the mom on an average normal day.

You are mother. That is powerful. And that in itself is absolutely perfect.

*******

Need encouragement? 21 of my Dear Mom Letters are now together - they are the letters about why you are not failing, why you matter, and what to do on those overwhelming motherhood days.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

real motherhood. you are not failing. you are being brave.

I sat there, exhausted, in my living room on the much to worn plaid couch with a rip in the seam that I always try to cover with a throw blanket and prayed that just for the rest of the night no one else would get sick. As I closed my eyes in that moment, with my ears on alert for the cry of mom, I sank into that couch and thought about how this was the perfect reminder for me on Mother's Day weekend. Deep down, way inside, I realized I was secretly hoping for this idea, this ideal of the perfect day - the flowers and handmade cards and coffee brought in for me - and yet, the reality with the puking children was that it simply wasn't going to happen.

Real life. Real motherhood.

I didn't really want to look at it. I wanted to put a mask on the hard stuff - you know - like I cover the rip on my couch in my living room with the blanket throw. That's the tear that I will try so hard to not show in pictures to others simply because I don't want anyone to really see that part of my home. To me, it sticks out like red paint on a white wall - this obvious, ugly part of my home - that I don't desire for the world to observe.

So I hid it.

Sweet mothers in the trenches do you know what I realized while I was sitting in that living room without the blanket over the rip and a child resting on my arms? I discovered I really didn't care at that moment about a silly rip in my couch. At that moment I cared about, well, first no more throwing up, but second that I was there for my kids. I was the one wiping their forehead and telling them that I loved them. I was there, turning on the shower, washing towels, and helping them rest. I didn't care about that little thing that I spend too much time thinking about and arranging blankets to cover.

It's so easy to get distracted from the importants with the idea of measuring up. That rip on my couch? It was a definer - to me it spoke of not being able to replace the couch and then I allowed that to define worth. But, you know, the truth is that silly rip is not a definer of not making it - it's a definer of motherhood. It shows a family lives here. It shows that sometimes, sometimes I said yes to throwing off the cushions and making a fort. It represents years of me sitting on the couch holding babies, reading books, praying, and resting. It's about conversations and family and opening presents. It's about listening, understanding, and working through things with those we love.

Sometimes the things that we hide are the very things that make us strong and who we are. Remember those dishes that we've all been talking about that I had in my sink in my Dear Mom Who Feels Like she is Failing post? Those dishes aren't about failing or measuring up or something to hide. Those are a reflection on life. Living. Family.

Sure, we get behind and things happen. And those are the times, inevitably, when someone will knock on our door and pop on over. Hold your head high. You are doing something much more powerful, much more brave, much more amazing than keeping everything looking and feeling perfect.

You are being a mother.

A mother lives in a world of things that aren't perfect. She encounters messes, sassing back, throwing up, late deadlines, challenging toddlers, spills in the back of the van while she's driving, payments due, mornings where the lack of coffee seems to cloud the day, projects to complete, the never ending laundry to fold, and the fear, the wonder, the anxiety that somehow she's not doing it all well. That maybe, maybe the mother down the road is doing it better than her. And maybe, maybe she's failing just a teeny bit at the motherhood thing and then there's this fear of motherhood and not being perfect. The perfect mom, she's not there. Think about this - the perfect couch lasts for a week.

What happens with time? The couch gets better. More comfortable. You find the spot where you love to sit in the morning as the sun streams in and your coffee is in hand and you have those four minutes of silence before the day begins. It's like life. Like motherhood. The more you mother, the more you plod forward in that never ending current of time, the more comfortable it can become. The things that we run from become the things we embrace.

By Mother's Day evening my family felt great - good enough to go to church and to smile and laugh and be together. While we were there they showed a video of all the beautiful things that kids in our church loved about their mothers. Not one of my kids said anything about that couch. They said things like she gets me food and she's a good teacher and she isn't afraid to be goofy with us. Little things. Life things.

Those are the things that matter, dear mother. Those little things? Those are often the little things that you do that are truly so amazing. You may feel like you are just under water trying to tread harder - and that - that is such a deep part of motherhood and life. But that treading, that kicking to keep your head up, those late nights holding those ice cream pail puke buckets - those things matter. The things that matter are those giving of self moments. The times where you find the courage to keep going and sit up and don't know where the energy comes from. The times where you muster up so much bravery and defend your child. The times where you slow down and simply sit on the couch and read the Curious George book over and over and over even though your to-do list is screaming at you.

Those things, those are life giving motherhood brave moments.

They are tucked in your everyday now. Right now, today, today you are blessing your family. You right now, the mother who straightened a collar, packed a lunch, laughed a bit, cried, pushed the toddler on the swing, and who sometimes wonders if she's doing it right - I tell you - onward. You are more amazing than you know.

Do you know that the day I get rid of that couch I will shed some tears. Oh, I'll be happy to no longer throw the blanket over the corner. But that couch? That couch has been in my home for my entire motherhood journey. That's the couch that all of my babies came home on. That's the couch where I write this blog in the depths of a cold winter. That's the couch where I've slept, dreamed, and read story after story.

It's really very beautiful.

What you are doing today as a mother is really beautiful.

Today embrace the bravery of a mother. You. Hold your head high. Love your children. Celebrate your story and the amazing beautiful ordinary moments in between.

Onward BRAVE mother.

Onward.

****

Need encouragement? 21 of my Dear Mom Letters are now in convenient ebook format - they are the letters about why you are not failing, why you matter, and what to do on those overwhelming motherhood days.

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

10 Things To Remember About Motherhood

Some simple things that I believe mothers need to remember on that motherhood journey. They are the words I would tell my daughters as they begin their motherhood journey and would love to tell my younger self as a mother. They are words about being brave and moving forward and realizing that because being a mother matters so much and that what moms do makes a difference.

Ten Things to Remember About Motherhood

1. It's not a sprint. Even though you may feel like you are out of breath and worn out with mothering, motherhood is simply not a sprint. It is a steady race, with moments of sprinting, moments of catching your breath, and moments where you sit on the sideline with your head in your hands gathering resolve, courage, and strength to keep on going.  Those moments, those keep up the pace moments, are the moments that build character and strengthen resolve. And, yet, remember that even though it's not a sprint there will be days when you say it moves so fast - they are the moments when you look at the teenager and sigh and wonder where the toddler went.

2. There will be moments that are plain hard. Often, these moments can be over the littlest things. Reasoning with a toddler about which shirt to choose or dealing with a defiant six year old or wiping up spilled milk all over the just mopped floor. And then there are moments that are challenging - finances, relationships, real life - all tucked within the motherhood journey. Don't be surprised when the hard moments come, but also know that those are the moments that shape you as a mother and will surprise you with your strength. Don't expect to savor every moment - I think too often the precedent is out there that we need to love every second - not true. Instead, learn to love the little things, yes, but also expect that there will be sometimes that simply are challenging. It's a balance.

3. There will be amazing moments. Surprisingly, these will often be the moments that you least expect - the impromptu little events tucked into a busy life. These are the moments that Hallmark loves but cannot be scripted into life. When those sweet moments come - celebrate them - write them down - and simply remember them as those gifts of time that you were blessed to share with your family. These are the sweet days in life when every thing seems to work perfectly and your heart is content and the kids are being great and the living room stayed fairly clean and you made dinner and everyone loved it and your to-do list was almost done - savor those times - for they are gifts.



4. You will mess up. Every mother, every person makes mistakes. Mistakes don't define. Learn from them, change the pattern, and move on. Mistakes teach us about ourselves, bless us with humility, and make us more determined in who and what we want to be. There is power in the words I am sorry and then working to make a change. Don't fear messing up - know that it will happen - and instead use those times as a time to be better and to grow. And yes, your children will survive even if you don't have everything perfect. And, remember, honestly, that the moments that matter are the moments where you stop, slow down, and sit. Maybe the house isn't perfect, the dinners not perfect, but that doesn't truly matter - what matters is the giving of you and the willingness to keep on going.

5. You will astound yourself. Yes. This. You may not see it now, but when you you look back at your day, week, month, years, and time of motherhood there will be moments nestled in there where you will be amazed at the great strength that you had. Those moments are there, dear mother who feels like she is in the trenches right now, they are there. And those moments are sometimes the simplest, most overlooked things that you do everyday. Those milk pouring, hand holding, running in the backyard, and caring for kids moments matter - those are the moments of deep strength and perseverance.

6. Your patience will be pushed to the limits. I never understand patience until I had children. You know - the thirty-four times you're asked for a snack in the morning even though you have a snack time or the hunt for the shin guards for soccer that are supposed to be placed in the same spot but once again are lost or the what's for dinner cries or the reasoning with a toddler over which shirt to wear - motherhood is about learning patience. Being a mother has taught me that there are some battles not worth fighting and have also taught me the strength and power of patience. The great thing about patience? It can (and will) be learned.



7. There is no perfect mother. That perfect mother ideal simply doesn't exist. Give yourself grace to make a mistake and move on. Grace is a powerful gift - one that needs to be extended to not only our children but also to ourselves. Sometimes the bar of motherhood is held so high that it is easy to miss all the beautiful and meaningful things that you do every single day. Learn to celebrate those things - the times where you said yes or pulled up your boot straps and kept going or when you try. Being a good mother doesn't mean being a perfect mother. Honestly, the perfect mother is the real mother who has the ability to embrace the little things, to give herself grace, and to admit where she truly is in the day to day. It's not about being perfect - it's about progress.

8. Your instinct is a powerful gift. So much of being a mother is learned by actually being a mother. So much of what I've learned from being a mother has been because I've walked through it. Mothers are blessed with instinct - learn to listen to it and trust it. But don't hesitate to ask for help, advice, or encouragement. It is not a reflection on motherhood strength to ask for help - rather it is the opposite - sometimes the greatest moments of strength are when one humbles self and asks for help.

9. Many days if feels like you are moving in a giant circle doing the same thing again and again. Because, well, you really are doing the same things again and again. This is why patience is put into play. This giant circle may feel like it's going around and around but it's still creeping forward, still moving on, and this is the gift of normal. Those everyday things - the making of mac and cheese, the putting pony tails in the hair, the slammed car doors, the tying of shoes, the answering of why again and again, those are the normal motherhood moments. They may not feel beautiful, but I have this feeling that one day we all will look back and sigh and remember the normal as so incredibly beautiful and something to be cherished.

10. You will find the strength you have within. You have strength. Power. Tenacity. Vision. The patience of a saint. And this is what I celebrate. It's the brave mother portion - that part of you that stays up all night holding puke buckets and still keeps going. It's the part of you that wonders if all of this mothering stuff makes a difference and deep down knows that what you are doing matters and makes a life difference. It's the braveness to drop a child off at school or at the airport or at camp or to bring one home and into your life. Motherhood is brave. It is such a testimony to the strength of you. Do not ever underestimate what you are doing, dear mother. You are brave.



So today, brave mother, in whatever state of your motherhood journey is I want to encourage you to first remember how deeply what you do matters and second to continue to press on as a mother. One day, one step, one clean kitchen and folded sock and car ride, after another.

Brave mother. That's what you truly are.

How about you? What would you add?

*****

May is National Celiac Disease Awareness Month. As many of you know, my son Samuel was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in January 2011 at 15 months old. Please join me for discussion and encouragement with gluten free living on the Udi's Gluten Free Community Boards "target=_blank"<-link. I am so thankful for their dedication and commitment to making safe gluten free food that tastes amazing. Need encouragement? 21 of my Dear Mom Letters are now in convenient ebook format - they are the letters about why you are not failing, why you matter, and what to do on those overwhelming motherhood days.
to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.