why it is okay to take a mom break.



We run on empty so often.

You run on empty. I run on empty. It's the nature of our society to push everything until the last drop - and then we are beyond worn out. We wait to get gas till the light warns us that the tank is empty, we save the last drops of milk, we scrape the peanut butter from the sides of the jar - and we do the same with our self. We push, and give, and push, and give, and we often ignore the warning lights telling us to refuel.

It's hard to remember that you matter when you're exhausted.

I look at culture and society from years past - I look at the fellowship that women had - time together, helping each other, and moments of breaks. We don't have that in our culture. We have weeks that are crammed full - packed with tremendous amounts of things to do and pressures and deadlines and never ending to-do lists. While we have more conveniences we have more to keep up with.

Moms, there is no guilt in needing a break.

I believe,  in order to give, you must make sure that you are replenished. If your tank is dangerously low all the time then you will lose sight of the beautiful role that motherhood has in your life and the lives of your children. It can slip into drudgery. And in the drudgery will come discontent, sadness, fatigue, and disillusionment. I know. I've felt it.

So I've learned to take breaks.

Yoga here. Coffee time. And then, last summer, by an absolute gift, a week in South Carolina with some sweet girlfriends. We had grand plans - go dolphin watching, visit shops, tour - and yet, we spent hour after hour after hour sitting at the edge of the Atlantic with the surf washing over us. We just sat. And talked. And sat. And decompressed.

Moms need moments of still.


Now, I know it's hard. I cried when I left home for those eight days last year. But, I came home better, stronger, and more intentional.

This post isn't about hopping on a plane and leaving. It's really not. It's about recognizing the need for rest and recharging that is so easy to overlook. You see, for years I didn't give myself permission to leave -- I'd come up with excuse after excuse after excuse to not take care of myself in the name of motherhood. And I became worn out. So today,  I'm talking about being willing to recognize that some days it is okay to let the kids watch a movie and you grab your favorite book and a cup of chai and you just read. Maybe you schedule a date with your friends to grab coffee. Maybe you go in the backyard and work on your gardens. Recharge.

You must take care of yourself.

If you don't you can burn out. I did. I just didn't realize it because I was so stubborn in thinking that the right way to be a mother was to never stop giving and I forgot to take care of me. So today, I'm giving you permission to give yourself a break. It doesn't make you less of a mother. Not at all. In fact, I believe that by cultivating space within your schedule to take care of you that you will be a better, more intentional, mother.


I write. I play piano. I speak. I read. I garden.  And that is all good. It's part of who I am - a creative individual. I want my children to see me take care of myself, to cultivate interests, and to enjoy the gift of motherhood.

Recharge, sweet mother, recharge.

This is my encouragement to you.

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30 comments:

Chris Carter said...

Oh yes... I often wait until my body, mind and soul are screaming "STOP!!!". But as I get older and wiser and well, more vulnerable to the weight of it all...I learn to set that "me time" aside and protect it with everything I have. Beautiful post!

Roan said...

My two dear friends and I did just this a couple of weeks ago. They both came over early Saturday morning and we sewed ALL DAY. We just let the kids romp and play, we ordered out pizza, we just stayed in my sewing room and laughed and laughed and sewed and talked and had the best time ever! We were working on a service project for breast cancer. We had planned on getting together to do this all summer, but it never happened. We were always too busy. But finally, we just stopped our busy schedules and made the time. And guess what? The world did not stop turning. Our families survived. And we were recharged and invigorated by it all.

Jacki said...

Such worthy encouragement and so gald i have found this lovely blog!

Mama G said...

This post really hits home. As a working mother, I already feel guilty about being away from my kids so much that I couldn't imagine leaving them for more time to do something for myself. I made up excuses all the time so I didn't have to leave my children. I've recently started fitting in a 20 minute workout before I pick them up from daycare when I get out of work early, and I feel so much better. I am a better mother for it, and it has increased the quality of the time we have together. Thanks for your words of encouragement. I think all mothers should read your blog!

Carol Anne Wright Swett said...

I find that homeschool moms struggle more than others. In the days when my sons were young, a trip to the grocery store alone was my 'break'. What a sad mistake. Now that one is an adult and the other is 15, it is easier. Not easy, but easier. Thanks. I needed this one, and I know lots of other moms behind me who need it the way I needed it years ago.

Rachel Bueckert said...

This was so me last night. My house and kids and homeschool were spinning overwhelmingly around me and I couldn't seem to figure out where to start to get SOMETHING accomplished completely. I posted on fb "Some days feel like a losing battle! I wonder if I succeeded at anything today..." And my friend replied, "Kids still alive? Did they get fed today? Maybe a hug or two?:D You succeeded!" She was right. When my husband got home to help with the kids, I got out of the house and took a friend to coffee. After a talking, eating, drinking coffee, sharing our hearts, finding encouragement from the Bible, and prayer, we both left refreshed and ready to face our worlds again. I came home with such energy and relaxed frame of mind that I zoomed around my house and got it back in order. I went to bed happy with myself and my family and my house. "Time Out" is great for Mom! Thanks for this post! So very true. :)

Anonymous said...

It is very hard when you're husband doesn't appear to support this entirely. Monday was my birthday...so I took the day off. My hope was that our little man would still go to daycare.....we were still paying for it....but my husband decided he felt TOO guilty about taking our son to daycare so he and I could have a day to ourselves. Something we really haven't been able to do since our son was born prematurely in May of 11. I don't think he understands how badly I need just a little time away from my son! I LOVE HIM more than anything and we came so close to losing him so many times...but I'm tired!! The one day...my birthday....I selfishly just wanted to spend the day at home by myself and just do whatever I wanted to do ALL day!

Rachel said...

It is okay to take a day and rest. I'm hoping that you'll be able to grab more of these days -- and it's not selfish -- it's just real. When I'm worn out I don't appreciate what is in front of me.
Blessings to you.

Lauras Crafty Life said...

This is so absolutely true. I often make excuses as to why I don't need or shouldn't have a break, and really my whole family suffers for it. It is wonderful to be reminded that we need to take care of ourselves in order to take care of others.

Rachel said...

Laura, That is what I realized I did -- made excuses to step back. And then I was running on empty and tired and grumbling. Thankfully, I had some dear friends who convinced me to rest. And now I am so grateful for time to recharge, refocus, and rest.
Rachel

Kristi said...

I would love nothing more than to have a break, sadly I just can't. Theres no one to watch the baby and no money for daycare or a sitter, no family or friends nearby, and no car as my hubs takes it to work. I haven't been alone, aside from 15 or 20 minute soaks in the tub once ir twice a week, since my son was born in April.

Rachel said...

Kristi, keep taking that time. It's a break, a reprieve, a time for you to refocus. And, I hope that as time passes that you will have more opportunities. Keep doing what you are doing.
Rachel

the domestic fringe said...

I love this. You are right, we need mom breaks sometimes.

~FringeGIrl

Anonymous said...

I love this! It is hard for me to do it. I almost never go anywhere without either my husband or kids. I feel guilty. It is all on me, they don't mind if I am gone and love it when I return. My husband even says I need to go and have fun. I just can't because I make myself feel guilty about it.

I have to work harder at taking care of myself in all ways, because I do take care of my babies and hubby. If I am not fully charged, how can I help get them fully charged?? Thank you, Rachel!

la petite lulu said...

Thanks for your encouraging words. It's all too easy to get burnt out - I suffer a lot from mothers guilt about ever leaving my son (just with my husband, as we live in a different country to family and so have no babysitter on hand) but have recently felt challenged to stop the guilty feelings and have some me time. I joined a gym, and those few nights a week of classes or just running on a treadmill, not having to think about anyone but myself is bliss :) I keep reminding myself that motherhood does not = martyr & it's ok to take time out.

Charisa said...

Thanks for this post. I find your blog so encouraging to read, and am so often leave here challenged to be intentional and keep pressing on. Thank you for writing!

Anonymous said...

AMEN.

Emily (Laundry and Lullabies) said...

Kristi, I was in the same place you are about six years ago. Here's what got me through it: when baby napped, I SAT DOWN. It was so easy for me to think that I needed to spend that time "getting things done", and then when baby woke up I'd be even more tired and cranky! Instead I had to make myself sit down on the couch with a cup of tea and a book, and I just relaxed for that time. I still do that now, even though no one naps anymore. We have "quiet time" and Mama sits down and reads a book or naps! Take that time for yourself - you'll be such a better mother for it.

And Rachel, THANK YOU for writing this - even though I've been doing it for years now, I still forget sometimes that it is not only ok, but important! :)

Lynn said...

Know that I'm always here praying so very, very hard!
Philippians 4:6-7 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
My email address

Shannon said...

This is amazing advice, but how? My world revolves around tube feedings, medications, IVs, pumps beeping, pulse ox alarms, therapists, doctors, specialists, equipment - and that's just one of my four children. Then, the other three need my attention as well. There's all the mundane and everyday tasks to tend to. It's imperative that my house is spotless, my kids' lives depend on it. It's that or we end up spending months in the PICU. There's no money left for days off, nights out, trips or extra babysitters - not that we could find one willing or able to take on the monumental tasks anyway. I know I need to slow down, I know I need to recharge, I know I need to do it for myself and for my kids, so that I can be there for them for the long haul; I just don't know how.

Rachel said...

Dear Shannon, I am hoping for moments tucked within your everyday where you can sit back, be still, and rest. I am sorry that the journey right now is so challenging - praying for space to breathe for you. You are amazing, really, you are - I just want you to know that today.
With blessings.
Rachel

La Donna said...

I just got back from a five day trip to the Northeast with my husband, and no kids, visiting Boston and some surrounding states. I just got back, and today is my first full day as mom. I didn't realize how bad I needed that time away to regroup, refocus, restore, and renew. I am so grateful to read this post and have affirmation after affirmation that me being gone was the BEST thing I could do for myself, my marriage, and my children. Thank you Rachel. I can't wait to meet you IRL at Beech Retreat. :)

Anonymous said...

I'd love to take your advice, but how do you take time for yourself when there's no family or friends to help and you can't afford childcare?

Thanks!

Anonymous said...

I have 4 children and homeschool myself. It is tough.

Rachel said...

My advice? As I've lived in seasons where I haven't been able to get out is to cultivate time within your day/week where you can recharge. I love playing the piano and many times later in the day I'll sit at my piano and just play some Mozart. Or I garden. Or I read.
It's really not about getting out of the house, but instead the idea of creating space within your schedule where you can rest.
Blessings!
Rachel

Enlightenment said...

nice pics

Jessica said...

This post was just what I needed to hear. My baby is due in January, but I am a creative type too and I love getting things done. I have a hard time just sitting still and taking a break. My husband is constantly telling me that it's okay for me not to be doing something every moment. I don't want to get burned out when Clara comes; I want to teach her the importance of rest and quiet. Even now I can benefit from this. I haven't taken enough naps during pregnancy and I get tired but then I don't sleep well at night either. I need to start taking this into consideration before she's even born and rest so that she can be strong and healthy and so that I am not exhausted and drained before she even gets here.

Anonymous said...

It's true. But with 5 kids (6 and under ), a husband who works out of town, in a new house a new place, no family, no friends...I just can't figure out how to make it happen. I am completely depleated and so often feel like collapsing.

Anonymous said...

Check out a Mother's of Pre-Schoolers group in your area. MOPS for short. Its not just for moms with preschoolers. Maybe there can be help with transportation and a fee waiver if the group charges one.

Aprille @ beautifulinhistime.com said...

I'm struggling with this. I totally give myself permissions get have a break. I left for 3 days for a conference. Right now I am at Barnes and Noble sipping tea...then errands BY MYSELF. I schedule weekly coffee dates. Weekly childcare to write in the cafe alone.

Doing it isn't the issue.

But I'm struggling because I feel like it's never enough.

Maybe it's because I ran on empty for so long (my husband was gone for one year of my son's life). There's been so many deductions in the "recharge" bank that what little I can put in now that my son is a two-year-old just doesn't seem to fill.

Oh it feels great...I come back so refreshed. Until the next upset or crying fit or my husband asking me a question like "what's your plan for the day." Then I just want to run away and be alone all over again.

any suggestions? Is this just a phase I need to get through?

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