dear mom raising a child gluten free

A little over three years ago I wrote a letter to myself about raising a little boy with Celiac Disease. (link) I wrote it because I was just coming to grips with my then little under two year old Samuel's diagnosis with Celiac Disease.

I remember those initial days.

I remember crying in Target over the fact that I couldn't buy Goldfish Crackers anymore. I remember feeling daunted walking down the aisles looking at what seemed to be a store packed with gluten full items. (That's my word, by the way, for anything not gluten free - gluten full - and it's simply stuck.) I remember watching the little kids run up to the bakery for their free cookie and thinking that my Samuel would never ever be able to have that moment of the free cookie in Target.

It would be easy for me to live a life seeing all the things that he cannot ever eat and do and miss out on all the amazing things he can eat. And the fact, that bottom line, for Samuel eating gluten free gives him life.

Let me repeat that.

Eating gluten free gives my four year old son with Celiac Disease life.

Is it easy, sweet mother, who is raising a child gluten free (or with other food restrictions) in a gluten full world? Well, often it is not. Many times it is this holding of breath, this watching to see what happens, this extra planning, this explaining, this justifying of his dietary needs.  Do you know what I've learned? I've learned to be patient. Understanding. And that using my voice to share Samuel's story is more powerful than sitting in all the things that don't seem fair.

Truth? Sometimes it doesn't feel fair to me. Sometimes it makes me sad to have to say no to him for stuff that he wants to eat. Sometimes it makes my momma's heart ache just a bit to hear him say is this gluten free mama? (My kids call me mama - it's so sweet to me.)

Then I remember.

I remember that in this world there are so many things that are really not fair and that when one looks at them for too long they can distort and rob us of joy. When Samuel was in the hospital all I wanted for him was to be well. And now, now here he is - thriving - in a gluten full world because he doesn't eat any of it. And that is a gift.

So mom raising a child this way, I know that there are many times where it feels overwhelming. You read labels like never before. You call food manufacturers and ask what in the world modified food starch or natural flavorings really means. You watch your child carefully and analyze what goes in their body. You make sure your home is safe and void of cross contamination issues.

You are giving life.

Remember that. Remember that when you throw in the box of gluten free Rice Krispies that costs double the normal Rice Krispies. Remember that when you bring the homemade cupcake to birthday parties. Remember that as you make homemade playdough and throw away the gluten full playdough in the kits. Remember that as you ask for the gluten free menu and ask if they have a dedicated fryer and all of that.

Even in the challenges, the ups the downs, the moments where it seems overwhelming, or when the gluten free cookies just flop, in the days when you just wish your little one could eat whatever, in the times when you crave those just out of the oven rolls, in the times when you spend $5 on a box of gluten free cereal, in all of that I want you to remember how eating this way gives health. When Samuel was so critically sick I wanted to know what to fight, what the problem was, and wanted a solution.

Look at him now.

My Samuel is amazing. He's full of energy. Life. Vitality. Joy.

And he doesn't eat gluten.

It doesn't need to taint his life or rob him of joy.

In fact, as I write this I see him, sitting in my living room healthy. And I am so grateful that by removing something from his life that it gives him life.

You can do this. I know it's hard sometimes.

But keep the perspective. Remember why you're doing this. And know that you are not alone.

From me, the mom to the now not so little boy with Celiac Disease, who is a perfectly normal four year old, to you.

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Today's photos? A mixture of real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

20 Things I Will Not Regret Doing With My Kids.

1. Tucking them into bed at night. Someday they'll be too big and I won't get that moment back. Saying good night, pulling up the covers, and kissing their heads is a gift.

2. Telling them I love them. Start this when they're young. I love you is a powerful three word phrase that matters.

3. Listening to their stories. Their stories teach me about them and their hearts and what they love. I think of the stories as a way to learn more about them. And this is the real listening. Not the distracted mom who wants to move onto the next thing on her never ending to-do list.

4. Looking them in their eyes. Nothing tells another person you matter more than looking at them in the eyes while they talk. It shows that what they are saying truly is important to you. I want my kids to remember that there were times when their mother looked them in the eye and smiled. And for me this often means shutting my laptop, putting down my phone, stopping my list, and just giving them time.

5. Saying yes when it's easier to say no. Like those times when I just want to keep to my agenda and they want to join in. Or for those late night sleep overs. Or those times when I am simply tired and don't want to walk up the stairs to say goodnight. Or for the extra story. Or to play a game. Yes simply matters.

6. Showing them new things. I can read to my kids about history or I can start to show them history. Last week, when Grace and I were in Mexico, it was such a cool experience to show Grace the Mayan ruins in Tulum. Now, I'm not saying go to Mexico, but there are things we can show them. Do science. Look at the stars. Go to the museum. Let them learn and see the world.

7. Teaching them to say please and thank you. No explanation needed. Politeness matters.

8. Letting them help even if it means it takes longer for me. Does it take longer to wash the windows if I'm teaching my children how to wash the windows? Yes. Same with laundry, cooking, cleaning, folding, and more. But they need to learn - these are life skills. I would be doing them a disservice by NOT teaching them and letting them help.

9. Saying no to things even when it would be easier to say yes. There are movies and television shows that I don't let my kids watch. Books that I want them to wait to read. ipods and computers that are only allowed on the main level. Sometimes the answer needs to be no - even if everyone else's answer seems to be yes.

10. Laughing with them.Or smiling with them. Or having fun with them. I simply want them to know I love being around them.  This is the aspect of liking my kids, not just loving them. I want them to know both.

11. Making them learn the value of work. I want my kids to know that work matters and that a good work ethic - where you go above and beyond and don't complain - is an excellent skill. My kids know how to do laundry, to sweep the floor, to bring their dishes over, to clean their rooms, to make their beds, and so on. I will never regret teaching them the value of work.

12. Rocking them to sleep. Holding their hand. Giving them a kiss. I love them. Even after those days where they drive me a bit crazy and I wonder what in the world I'm doing. Those little acts of love are important life acts of love.

13. Saying I'm sorry. Because lets face it - I'm not perfect. I mess up. I make mistakes. So they need to hear me say I'm sorry and that I love them and that they're important to me. So that means sometimes I will say I'm sorry.

14. Teaching them to be respectful of others. This. And this again. And this. I want my kids to respect others. To listen to them, to learn, and to not judge. This starts with me teaching them this skill and me being respectful of them. Often it is looking for the good first and giving grace.

15. Encouraging them to take risks. Sometimes the fear is the biggest obstacle. Kids need to learn to look at the fear and to push through the fear.

16. Not holding onto a record of wrongs. Each day is a new day. Learn from the past, but don't hold onto the past. I want to see the good first and not all the negative - so often that means letting go of the record of wrongs.

17. Letting them see me thrive. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking I was a good mom, but a not too happy and joyful mom. They need to see me thrive and be interested in things and to expand my creativity as well.

18. Teaching them compassion. I want them to see the world beyond me and ourselves. I want them to give back, to care about others, and to be a person of change.

19. Showing them that the stuff doesn't matter. Nothing in Target really matters. Nor the stuff on the shelves. Or the clothes one wears. Or the fancy birthday parties. If the stuff clouds the vision then the relationships are lost. Relationships first. Stuff after that.

20. Letting them grow up. Sigh. This. It has to be done. So I look back with nostalgia, and embrace today, and look forward to tomorrow. They'll grow. And I'll savor the moments that we're blessed to share.

Those are just twenty things I won't regret doing with my kids. Simple, things really. They're the living intentional type things that sometimes just need to be written down.

What is on your list?

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

calming the inner critic

You're a joke.
You messed up.
Are you kidding? You are a terrible mom.
Look at you now. Everyone will see you can't keep it together.
What if others find that you don't really care if your home is always clean?
You're messing up the kids.

Thoughts. Those pesky thoughts.

They rumble through our heads. Through my head. Over and over and over and over. It's like this almost silent soundtrack whispering to me about all the things that I'm not doing right. It's the not good enough, not measuring up, not great, all of that smooshed together.

Sometimes I don't even hear it, even though it's running on continuous loop.

You too??

If you stop, stop and think just for minute, what are the thoughts about you that you are listening to every single day?

Are they the thoughts that remind you of the great things that you do? Are they the thoughts that empower you to keep moving? Are they celebrating the little things? The moments in life where you excelled? Where you are the most amazing mom ever? Are they seeing the very brave mother moments?

Or are they the inner critic thoughts that often don't do much to build you up?

I once heard an analogy about emotions and being in control of those emotions - including that constant churning inner critic loop. First, remember, you are not your emotion. I know I write it often, but it's something that needs to get cemented in your brain. You may be feeling anger, but you, at the core aren't angry. You may be feeling frustrated, but you, at the core aren't frustration. You may be feeling overwhelmed, but you, at the core, aren't overwhelm.

So here's the deal and analogy about emotions. If you were driving a bus with little kids on it would you let one of the little kids from the back come up front and drive the bus? (credit to that analogy to a class taught by Dr. Al Larson)

I think not.

And yet, yet often we let our emotions - anger, worry, fear, anxiety, etc - drive us and define us - just like letting the little kid come up from the back and drive the bus. I say, step back, recognize the emotion, the inner critic voice, and challenge it. I may be feeling like I'm the worst mom, but that's not the truth.

The truth is that even when I'm having the feelings - or you're having those feelings - that those feelings are emotions. Challenge the emotions. Learn from the emotions. Maybe you did mess up, because we need to be real we all have those days, but messing up doesn't mean that you're the worst mom ever. It just means that you had a hard day. Plain and simple. Don't let the emotion of that hard day become part of the dialogue of self that you tell yourself.

And don't let it define you.

That inner critic can be a terribly hard thing to escape, but knowing that the tape is running is half the battle. It's running, but you can choose to listen and choose what you believe.

You know what you do right. Start seeing those things. All the hugs, bandages put on skinned knees, dinners made with rice and beans and leftovers, times pushing on the swings, reading extra books at night, giving hugs in the morning, and simply loving on kids in the midst of a world that is often full of chaos.

Those are brave mother things.

Truth? You are amazing.

Try adding that to your inner critic's loop.

I'm serious.

Try reminding yourself of all the things that you do right during the day. Challenge those thoughts, those emotions, and remind yourself of the truth. Listen to the loop of thoughts in your head and if they don't empower then they shouldn't be played over and over.

I want you to celebrate you and your journey. It's not the perfect journey. It's not absent of moments where mistakes were made. It's real. It's your journey. It's a brave mother story.

And silence the loop that challenges that.

You can do this.

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the perfect mom label

There's the crazy measure up motherhood labeling ideal out there I think.

I know I struggle with it.

I'll look at my life and try to attach a label to it. Am I stay at home mom? Or a working mom (since my writing and speaking and travel can take easily 40 hours a week)? Or am I work at home mom?

The labels are everywhere.

Homeschool mom. Private school mom. Public School mom. Attachment parent. Vaccinating mom. Non vaccinating mom. Strict mom. Relaxed mom. Soccer mom. Ballet mom. Karate mom. PTA mom. Traveling mom. Single mom. Divorced mom. Married mom. Organic eating only mom.

On and on and on. (I am sure we could write quite a list).

Labels are good - they help us figure out things and categorize things. But do they really matter in the scheme of motherhood? You and I could spend so much time trying to figure out how to label ourselves and to fit into motherhood categories that we actually exhaust ourselves and miss out on motherhood.

You know what we all share?

We share that some little human (or humans) - a human that at times can drive us bonkers and stay up until 11pm and just need one more glass of water and decide they need a bunch of stories read to them over and over - well, those little people all get the honor of calling us mom. I know, it may not seem like the coolest thing especially when it's one of those super exasperated m-oooo-m kind of cries because you told them they were too young to watch Pirates of the Caribbean (just happened at my house), but they still do call you mom.

Did you read that? They call you mom.

Mom.

They probably don't care about those mom labels.  Those labels that we can spend so much time trying to fit ourselves into. My kids? They don't care if I call my self a work at home homeschooling mom who never sleeps. They just care that I'm their mom and that I love them and that I try again and again even when I mess up. Which I do. But, I still get up in the morning and brush myself off and give myself grace.

The same goes for your kids.

They care that you are the one there picking them up at school or meeting them at the door with a smile, even if it is tired, on your face. They want to see your proud face as they stand on stage and recite the one line for the school play that you worked on over and over and over again. They want you to pull up the covers just right, kiss their forehead, and whisper them I love you and goodnight. They care about the sandwiches packed or the clothes washed or that you get down and listen to them talk. They love the artwork on the wall. The times when you clap and cheer for them from the side line and yell great job and I'm proud of you.

They just need you.

They don't care about labels.

So today, today I tell you lets work to release those labels. Does it really matter what and how others define themselves? How about we simply nod at the other mom in the grocery store with blue police car cart (wiped down with sanitary wipes. Or not) and simply give them a smile. A we're in this together kind of smile. It's a smile that celebrates that normal moms are amazing and that simply being a mom is enough.(those are links)

When we're old and sitting around playing Bingo or Bridge or whatever we'll be doing during those years I don't think that we're going to be talking about the labels that we've given ourselves.  You know what you and I will talk about? We'll talk about our lives - the mountains we climbed and the times in the valley and the normal days and how brave we were. We'll talk about our stories.

Your story.

It matters. Even if the story isn't perfect or the labels aren't what you thought they would be. At the heart you're still mom. Wait. At the heart you are mom.

Your kids are blessed with you. Right now.

Even if it's not perfect. Even if there are legos on the counter and bills to pay. Even if you'd rather be home or you'd rather be working. Even if you feel like you're just spinning around in circles. Even if you're tired and sometimes you don't really feel like a good mom. Even if you're just feeling like you're going through the motions. Even if...

You see, the beauty to remember is to them you are their mom.

Mom.

And that label is priceless.

***
Thanks to all of you for your love, encouragement, and support. My post - why being a mom is enough - hit over 200k facebook likes this weekend. I am simply humbled. And blown away. And grateful. ~Rachel

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

carry on brave mother.

My facebook stream is full of links lately to specific posts and then rebuttals to posts and then rebuttals to those posts and so on. There's anger, joy, celebration, animosity, and opinions and all of that. Dialogue is good. Discussion great. But honestly, honestly, to me, it's so much about rules and so little about grace. Sometimes we get caught up in the outward and forget the power of the inward and the heart.

We all mother differently.

We are different.

And instead of trying to put us all into one mold or one right way of doing things I say we start to celebrate that the differences among us actually make us more beautiful and more strong. Imagine a world of just one color without much shading - it would be boring and the depth of beauty would be lost. There would be no difference between dusk and dawn and midday. Fall, winter, summer, and spring all would be the same. 

Mothers are never going to be all alike.

Do you know what? We may mother totally different and our kids might end up falling in love with each other. Our kids aren't our chance to make a statement - our kids are little humans that we are blessed with the opportunity to raise and teach about life and share our values with. 

You, right now, as a mother, are incredibly important. And not because you follow every rule in the mothering book or because your child fits perfectly or is above what to do in the What to Expect the First Year book. That's a thing. You are important for the little things that you do.

Do you know what those little things are?

They are those times when you get up in the morning after three hours of sleep and push brew on your Keurig and hug the cranky three year old that comes down the stairs who has declared today to be the worst day ever because his toast isn't ready yet.  They are the moments when you humble yourself to those around you and admit that your life really isn't that perfect and that you fear things and that you need help. They are the times when you buckle all the kids in the car after they've been pushing every single button and you back out of your driveway with tears in your eyes and you regain perspective.  They are the times when you go to work and you say good bye to your crying toddler and you work hard for the food on your table. 

Getting a gold star in motherhood isn't for producing little star athletes or brilliant prodigies or children who never sass back or kids who get perfect grades or for a life that is perfect. Motherhood can't be graded by those things.

Because there is real life.

And real life is often messy. 

Motherhood gold stars need to be passed out for the little pulling up your boot strap moments when you think you have no strength left and yet you somehow manage to tuck the six year old in at night and say prayers and kiss the top of his forehead. They need to be for the times when you simply let the tears fall and invite the friend into your home and you share your heart. They are for those moments when the child is sick and you are worn and yet you still manage to smile. Or laugh. Those things matter. 

So all of these agendas and posts about what is the appropriate way to dress or be or what our children see - they're only opinions. And this is my opinion as well. And my opinion?

Lets focus on the strength of moms and not the rules.

Lets celebrate our friends for who they are and love them for where they are and not get caught up in making our kids perfect but lets instead admit that we are all real. Our kids will mess up. We'll mess up. Our lives may not look like the Hallmark card. That doesn't mean failing. It's just life.

So we try. We be the best we can be in the moment. And we live with grace.

So to you the mother right now sitting here reading these words and trying to remember that scraping jelly out of a jar and wiping booger noses and reading off spelling words and talking with teachers and all of that matters - I tell you it does. Yes, yes, yes, it does.

Hold your head high.

Motherhood isn't always easy. It's work. There are the moments of beauty that we're all blessed to share. Moments that make the Hallmark cards look weak. And there are the moments of worry, anxiety, pain, and sadness too. We all have them smooshed together into a story called our life. 

I guess today, today, I want to leave you with these words.

Carry on brave mother whose life isn't perfect. Carry on brave mother whose heart may hurt. Carry on brave mother whose kids are struggling right now and she's fighting for their hearts. Carry on brave mother who feels all alone. Carry on brave mother who has had no sleep and yet has a full day of work to do. Carry on brave mother who worries about money and bills. Carry on brave mother who is just simply tired. Carry on brave mother not for how perfect your life is but rather for how perfect it is that you have the bravery to keep on going.

Carry on.

One foot. In front of the other. After another. After another.

Carry on brave mother.  

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

23 Things I Want My Kids to Know.

1. Be yourself. There is no one like you - you are unique, fabulous, creative, and you. There isn't anyone else you should strive to be like. Learn from other people - explore your talents - but be confident in who you are made to be. I love you for you.

2. Don't waste time worrying. It's easy to worry - if you measure up, if you fit in, if the clothes you are wearing are cool, if you are doing the right stuff, if you should do this or that - don't worry. Make a decision, talk over your decision, be confident in your decision, but then don't sit in worry. Worrying just takes away time from the present.

3. Appreciate the little things. Of course, this. Take time to start to see the little things in life. It's those moments that often bring great joy, perspective, and gratitude. Start recording them, sharing them, and seeing them. Joy isn't something that is handed to you - joy is a posture of your heart that is willing to seek the beauty in the ordinary, normal, good, and challenging moments in life.

4. Stand up for your friends. And your family. Do not let others bully those who you consider friends. In fact, do not let others bully others. We all are people with unique hearts, with families, with stories - there is no tolerance for cutting down, trashing, or hurting others. Be a person of integrity and stand up for those around you.

5. I will always be there. I mean it. In the good, bad, ugly, silly, crazy, funny, sorrowful, made a mistake, need grace, great days, horrible days, normal, unpredictable times of life. In it all. So don't go wondering about that part of it - just know that you can always come to me. Always.

6. Be firm in your convictions but be willing to learn and adjust. Even if it makes you not popular or cool or trendy. Develop backbone to stand firm in your convictions BUT do not become stubborn or short sighted to learn about others viewpoints and to change yours if you find that yours needs to adapt.

7. Help others. Volunteer. Give of your time. See others in this world. When you are out shopping - greet the cashier - put your phone down and converse. Open doors, help with bags, seek out opportunities to help others. Sometimes it just means smiling and being respectful.

8. Don't whisper about others in front of others. This just hurts. If you're going to say something about another person it should be something that you would feel comfortable saying to their face. If it has to be whispered then it's gossip. And don't go there.

9. Get enough rest and take care of yourself. It's easy to be busy and to keep going and going and going. But we are not made to be creatures that never rest. In fact, I want you to give yourself permission to rest and to take times to refresh. Rest is good. And this also means watching what you put in your body - someday you will get older and you will appreciate taking care of yourself now.

10. Cultivate your gifts. Whether it's playing piano, kicking a soccer ball, drawing, writing, making people laugh - whatever your gifts are make sure to cultivate and let them grow. These things are unique to you and make you you. And, if you can't figure out what you want to do don't stress - you'll figure it out. For now, explore and learn more about the things in this world that make you excited.

11. Read. Pick up a book. Or load one on your kindle. But read. Don't just read entries on facebook or all of that. Take time to read. Read books on culture, fiction, whatever - but read. Reading opens up a whole new world and challenges your brain.

12. Speak with respect. Bottom line - use your words wisely. It may seem funny to mouth off or be disrespectful but it really simply hurts you. People don't hear the disrespect, they see an individual who has not yet learned the skill of self control. That being said, there are times that one needs to simply speak up and be bold and sometimes it might sound nice. That's okay. We need people to speak up at times.

13. Pick your battles. If you went into a meeting with 11 things that were wrong and you decided to address all eleven things then very quickly others would learn that you are not ever really satisfied. Or you might be called a complainer. Instead write your list of eleven things and then from that list pick your top ones that aggravate you and only fight for those. And make sure to listen to other's issues as well.

14. Seek to understand. This one is hard. Let me repeat that. This one is really really really hard especially if you feel slighted. But the truth is that there is more power in seeking to understand someone else's point of view before arguing your own. You still may be right, but you gave the other person courtesy and respect before arguing. The heart matters.

15. Chores and work - they're all good. It may seem like it's just there to make life miserable, but the truth is that those chores make you stronger and teach a good work ethic. You are learning to be an adult in these years at home. You are not learning that I take care of absolutely everything for you. Therefore you need to learn how to do laundry, cook, and clean and all of that. It may not be fun now, but some day you will thank me.

16. You are not your emotion. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but you simply are not the emotion. You are feeling an emotion - anger, worry, etc - but you at the core are not that emotion. So learn now to take control of those emotions. Do not let them run you. Remember the thermostat/thermometer analogy? A thermometer simply reflects the moods/the emotions while a thermostat regulates them despite the craziness around. Work to be the latter.

17. Work hard. Don't give up. In the movie "Facing the Giants" there is that scene where one of the kids does this horrible football crawl and he thinks he cannot go ten yards. Well, as you know, he ends up going the entire length of the football field. Because he didn't give up. He had to stop seeing that he couldn't do it and instead pushed himself beyond what he thought possible. Most things in life take tremendous work. If you stop, someone else will finish.

18. Always be willing to learn. Or in other words, don't think only of yourself. We can learn from others. Watch others, listen, and don't think that you have the only answer. It is amazing what others can teach us if we're willing to humble ourselves and to just be willing to learn. Sometimes learning is uncomfortable, and that's okay, it's the progress not perfection.

19. Surround yourself with people that respect you and treat you well. Friends matter. Don't align yourself with others who don't treat you the way you would treat others. You matter, your heart matters, your dreams matter. Be the type of friend that shows your friends that they're important too. Part of what makes that scene so powerful in Facing the Giants is the fact that he was motivated by his friends to keep going. That's what you need to surround yourself with - people willing to keep up the fight and try harder.

20. Find balance. In life, marriage, relationships, work, fun, family, and all of everything. It's very easy to live out of balance and in fact, you will find that most of life is trying to regain balance. Expect that, and then keep working to keep balance. You are only blessed with 24 hours in a day, twelve months a year, and so many years so find that balance in your life because time will simply slip by and years can simply be lost.

21. Try to be positive. Seriously. And I know maybe that's not easy for you, but truthfully thinking positively takes less energy in the long run. Negative thinking clouds everything - emotions, relationships, what to wear, if it's rainy, etc... Try to be positive. And the truth is that there are many things that we simply cannot control - like the weather - and is it really worth the emotional energy to get bent out of shape over it? I think not.

22. Be brave. Sometimes bravery means doing the thing you don't want to do. Or riding that bike. Or getting on a plane and going across the country. Or standing up for the kid who is constantly picked on. You can be brave. I know it. Real bravery often comes in taking those risks that didn't seem possible.

23. Know that you are loved. Bottom line. And most important. Simply know you are deeply loved. Not for what you do, accomplish, how you look, where you go to school, and all of that. You are loved for being you. You in your imperfect state. You are forever loved.

*****

Today I'm flying to Denver for some meetings and will be getting to meet with the team from Udi's Gluten Free. I'm so excited about that and my sweet Samuel thinks it is the coolest thing that I'm going to see Udi's. Love the joy found in almost four year olds. Make sure to pop by the Udi's Gluten Free Community where I'm a leader. :)

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the spirit of motherhood

Over the past week, since my post Why Being a Mom is Enough went viral, I've had the opportunity to read words about my words. And in reading the words I started to mull over exactly why I write about motherhood with such passion - a passion for celebrating motherhood in its simplest forms. In those ways that are easily forgotten in a flurry of busy and a culture of external grading.

So here's why I love the spirit of motherhood. And why you should love that spirit, that tenacity, that you have as well. Motherhood, at its core, is full of beauty, life, joy, and hope.

That post. This site. It's a celebration of motherhood. The little things. Finding joy in a life that is profoundly different than lives have been for women since the beginning of time. Yes, yes, yes, we could argue that perhaps women never felt the need to celebrate the little things in life - those ordinary motherhood things. And I would agree that they probably didn't have that introspective time. They had to survive. They had to keep the wolves from the door and the food in the mouths and pray their babies lived past infancy. But, ultimately, aren't those the little things? The normal things that sometimes we take for granted? Aren't we about celebrating the fact that there is food on our table, that our children are healthy, that we have the opportunity to mother?

But now? Now we also live in a different digital competitive world that distorts the value of motherhood. Those basic core needs that mothers tended to are now lost in layers of external things that we are told we need to do. We're told our kids need to do sports by a certain age and if they don't they're behind. We're told to buy these clothes, these books, take these classes. We're told to look a certain way - if the plastic surgery sign on the interstate miles from my house is any frustrating indicator - and to act a certain way, to have everything together, and beautiful, not wilting, geraniums out front. We may not be verbally told it - but the constant barrage of pressures subtly distorts the beauty in the simple, beautiful, little thing moments of life.

So I say lets celebrate the core things again. That's what loving the little things is about. It's not a patting on back of self. It's a start, a way, to begin seeing that the core things about motherhood and life that have been lost under a frenzy of busy and wants and to-do's and never measure up cries from the world are actually the very things that matter.

Let me repeat that.

The things that matter are the very core things that mothers do and should never be dismissed as just nothing.

And that's why I write. It's why I celebrate mothers. Not in a competitive way, not in a way where we're trying to one up the next, but in a way that celebrates the spirit and tenacity of women. We still have that spirit, you know. Except now, now so often that spirit is spent looking, comparing, critiquing, and not embracing the other.

In my book that I'm writing I write about the power of women when they work together, support each other, and do life together. And that trickles down to motherhood. If we cannot stand together and cheer each other on for the little things then we've lost sight in some ways of the real importants.

So writing this site is a beautiful way celebrating the simply, ordinary, pull up the boot strap moments of motherhood. It's about looking deep and discovering the amazing moments that are often forgotten. It is about standing up and cheering and being a passionate voice for the mother that has gotten tucked and hidden behind so much external garbage and competitiveness. Maybe it's a way to see, to breathe, and to learn to celebrate the little things, the moments in life.

It's about celebrating the spirit of motherhood. 

In those moments where one wants to quit, throw the towel in, and cry. In the moments where life is perfect and you wish just for a second you could freeze time and put the moment in a bottle and save it forever. In the moments of normal and routine and it is as it is. In the times when you're potty training and it feels like it will never end and they'll never get it. In the slammed doors from teenagers and the I hate you's and I love you's in the next breath. It's in wiping up spills, mowing the lawn, folding clothes, and helping with math facts. It's in the every day normal. It's in celebrating you.

Life is meant to be celebrated. To be lived.

And motherhood? It's a glorious thing.

We all just need to see it again.

So let me be a voice for mothers.

Because mothers you rule.

In the most ordinary, often forgotten, yet incredibly beautiful ways.

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the distracted mom learns to listen

That's nice.

I mumble quick words to my eight year old, my Brennan, who had come to tell me one of his amazing stories. Again. His eyes, full of excitement, shot a questioning look at mine.

You're not really listening.

Oh, I am, it's neat.

But, I'm not. I'm in my own world of agendas, doing the next things, and reading those endless supply of emails. So I didn't really listen. I did the half-kind of listen, the nod your head, and simply say sure and that's great at the end.

And Brennan wasn't buying it. He wanted the full listen. Where I close my little netbook - the email can wait - and I look at him and listen. Not forced, but rather a mom eager to hear about this story that he's been creating. The kind of listen that he deserves.

But, it's hard for me. The distracted mom.

I'm stuck in such a cycle of moving forward and trying to keep everything balanced that stopping my initial agenda requires an intentional effort to refocus my focus. I could move on autodrive all day long racing from thing to thing to thing and brush aside the stories, creations, and simple play times.

I shut the lid.

Tell me about this story, Brennan.

And I try to listen. When the thoughts of work, or the pile of dishes, or the spelling words he should be working on creep in, I remind myself -- resolute -- and I once again redirect my thoughts to Brennan's story. I listened. Hard. Then he was done.

Thanks, mom.

He picked up his pencil and started writing his spelling words. His heart was full. The distracted mom was a focused mom and listened. She really really listened.

How I respond now has impact. If he, at eight, sees that I don't really want to hear his words, then what will happen when he's 13? I want him to know, I want my other children to know, that when they come to me that  I want to listen, I will pay attention, and I care about them and their hearts. That faith in who I am as a mom is cultivated now. So I must close the netbook, put aside the agenda, and give of my time for just a bit.

The listening mom.

So much better than the distracted mom.

It's baby steps.

Look for the moments. The little things.

You can do it.

to receive finding joy in your inbox simply click subscribe to finding joy by email

parenting phrases that never go out of style

Because I said so.
This is the ultimate go-to parenting phrase. When all else fails and the toddler is still whining and complaining about not getting to have the bread cut into triangles after you cut it into squares and you've had enough simply resort to those four words. Because I said so. Think of it. The ease. Why do I have to go to bed? Because I said so. Why can't I take the toy from my sister? Because I said so. Why do I have to be home at 11pm? Because I said so. Keep this one in your pocket. Because I said so.

Remember the five {or three or whatever number you use} second rule.
Now, first, this does not apply to any product that would absolutely be gross to pick up and eat. Jello. Gum. Anything sticky. Or liquid. But those crackers that just fell? Five second rule. Teach it to them young. Just make sure you set parameters. Like no five second rule at Costco. Ever. There you simply ask for a new sample. The five second rule will spare you much grief.

Just give me a minute.
Which, in the dictionary of parenting, really translates into please stop asking me questions right now as I'm trying to have 38 seconds of quiet before the next question, crisis, spill, potty training accident, boiling over noodles, knock at the door, tantrum, or I'm bored cry ensues. Just watch the in a minutes - keep this handy - but don't use it too often as the in a minutes can add up {read dear in a minute mom for those times}. But, seriously, if you're in the middle of a diaper change and the five year old wants you to solve the next world's issue, then that's the perfect time to utter the in a minute phrases.

I'd like a grande latte. Please.
I don't really need to explain this, but there is something magical about strapping children into their car seats and driving the 8 minutes of quiet, or maybe not, to your local Starbucks {or whatever you may have} and pull through that drive thru {all coffee shops should have these - they are gifts to parents} and order that latte. Those baristas are like counselers, really. Always thank them, and tip them well when you can. And then they hand you your bit of reprieve, that steaming latte in a cup with a brown sleeve, and you can breathe while the kids in the back either fall asleep or pester their brother.  And always make sure to take the long way back home. I'm just saying. I've learned. :)

Are you kidding me?
This is a universal phrase that can be used in a variety of critical parenting moments. Let's go back to potty training. This works for the child that didn't make it and you just asked him if he needed to go. Are you kidding me? Even though you're really not. It just helps alleviate stress. Or dinners that you've slaved over and no one likes. Are you kidding me? {Have them clean the kitchen.} This is, perhaps one of the most useful parenting phrases for those times when you are completely stunned by the reality with which you're dealing with. It could be toddlers that get out of bed 48 times a night. Or homework which was remembered in the morning. Gum in the hair. Getting to the grocery store and somehow the six year old forgot their shoes. Anytime ever that one of them cuts their hair. The child that gets up at 5 am. Are you kidding me is good for almost anything.

Just wait until you're older.
Again. Another great universal catch all phrase. It could be in reference to how easy you think the second grade homework is as your child is lamenting the idea of carrying in addition. Then you'll utter that wait until you're older phrase as you tell them about long division. Or maybe they want to stay up late? Wait until you're older. It's awesome because of it's versatility. You think that's work? Ah, just wait until you're older.

When I was a kid.
Yeah. This. Don't try to run away from it. You'll inevitably end up saying it to your kids and it will feel awesome. It's like a rite of passage phrase. And you know what? My kids are shocked that I actually made it through highschool without a cell phone. And then I tell them about the pile of quarters that I always carried for the pay phones. And then, they asked me what a payphone was. Truly. So no matter how hard you think that you'll never utter that phrase, I'm telling you, mom with the three week old baby, that you will use this phrase. And you'll laugh and think to yourself about how you'd never say those words. Those words are golden. Truly.

I love you.
Never ever ever ever forget this one. Tell it to your kids often. Get in the habit of telling it to them. Even after the bad rotten horrible want to pull all of your hair out days. Tell it to them in the morning and at night. Write it on a piece of paper and stick it in their lunch. You tell it to them and they will learn to tell it to you. Remember that. Always.

Keep these phrases handy. Because I said so.

Any phrases you'd add? 

Make sure to connect with me on the Udi's Gluten Free Community Boards (link) where I talk about gluten free living, Celiac Disease, and some gluten free parenting phrases that always stay in style.

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

life is messy. not perfect. and still beautiful.

I can't do it.

And with that, my spunky almost eight year old son, Caleb, threw down his piece of paper so carefully cut into a square. We had been sitting there, at the table, in the afternoon sun taking pieces of printer paper and carefully folding them into paper airplanes. His hands, his hands that haven't gained the dexterity of mine, struggled to get the creases tight and the folds where they needed to be.

He'd look at mine. And I could see the frustration welling in his eyes.

Caleb, it doesn't have to be perfect.

Words from me, the mother that struggles with her own sense of perfection. I'm the one, who despite learning about letting go of perfectionism in Haiti, still apologized last week when a friend came to the door when my living room wasn't spotless. But, I did let her in - so there's a bit of progress - even though I did scoot the pile of books together and kick shoes over to the mat.

Caleb watches me. They watch me.

Caleb just fold it this way and push it down with your fingertips.

I can't do it.

He wanted his plane perfect. He saw me, pressing down my corners, and doing the mountain folds and bending my paper into perfect shape. And then he saw his. Messy, in his eyes.

Caleb. I don't want your plane to be perfect.

But, I do.

Those were the words he spoke. His almost eight years of living and he wanted perfection. The truth is, he has to learn, and in that learning it's messy. It's full of folds that don't hit the corners and airplanes that when you launch them go straight to the ground and ripped corners and complete flops. But with each try, with each fold of the paper, the learning comes.

Caleb, I can never, and never will, make a paper airplane that's perfect.

And I looked at him, that face still struggling with frustration over making that cool paper airplane that was supposed to loop, and I saw determination in him that was surprising. He grabbed another piece of paper, folded it over and started again.

That's what we need to celebrate in our children. In our own lives.

It's not the end, really. It's not the airplane that flies perfectly and comes back to one that's the goal. It's the learning, the growing, the discovering what works and what doesn't, the learning about self, the letting go of what needs to end - it's the path that matters.

Motherhood is full of those moments. We can miss them shooting for the perfect ending and miss the beauty (mixed with frustration often) in the in-between. Those in-between moments are the ones where we and our children discover strength. Tenacity. Perseverance.

Maybe today your life is messy. With folds that aren't matching up and you're sitting in your home feeling unappreciated or not valued. Maybe the kids are sassing back and defiant. Maybe the housework is taking over. Or there are bills breathing down your neck. Or maybe life is normal. Calm. And you're tired of the monotony of the everyday. Or maybe it's even fabulous and you don't want to really talk about it because well, we don't celebrate those moments. (I say do.) But, here's the deal, no one's life will look perfect by the time it's finished.

The things that others will celebrate in your life and in my life and in the mom next door's life aren't the times where everything was easy. The moments that will be shared will be those moments when we wanted to throw the hypothetical paper airplane down and yet we gathered our strength and found our focus and tried again.

Perfection is a myth.

The real beauty, the real strength, comes in those moments when we simply keep going.

And he took his airplane, that to the world looking messy airplane, and he ran outside with it. And I watched him throw it into the humid July sky and as it flipped and soared he clapped.

It wasn't perfect.

But, to him, it was beautiful.

Today, today, that's what I celebrate in you. The not so perfect, messy folds, and torn corners parts of life that define motherhood strength.

They are the messy not perfect beautiful moments that matter.

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
All pictures courtesy of my daughter Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

perspective

As you all know, last week I was in Haiti for the entire week. That week changed my life - literally. I cannot look at the world the same. Things I thought were one way have now shifted. It's been this intense time of readjustment and trying to find normal and in the midst of it all being very blessed to have a week at the lake with my family.

I've gone to the lake since I was eight years old. (Now, grin, I will tell you that there are many decades that I have gone to the lake.) So, when my Haiti trip, which I only planned for four weeks in advance was scheduled right before the lake my concern was getting everything ready.

I cannot believe how over complicated I made coming up here before.

We don't really need much - even though it looks like a ton there. Some clothes, swimsuits, towels, and a deck of cards. And some gluten free food for Samuel and me. But when I look at all the stuff my family brings to the lake I am humbled.

It is so much stuff.

When I was in Haiti a sweet girl braided cornrows in my hair. She worked and worked and worked (I have a great deal of hair). When she was finished she started to put in my aqua lace headband that I purchased at Claire's for $2.98. I stopped her and handed it to her and pointed to me and then to her.

She was so grateful for that headband (you can see it barely in her hand).

She put it in her hair and her friends smiled and clapped. Then she put it on her wrist and held my hand the entire walk back to the car. And when I said goodbye to her later that day she waved and held up her wrist with the headband. So simple. But so powerful.

I probably have seven headbands packed in those bags.

Perspective.

The perspective that I gained about a vacation that used to stress me out for weeks prior because of packing extra blessed stuff? You know what? It's not really about the stuff. It's the time together. Fellowship. Playing. Sitting on the dock and watching the sunset. Those things.

Not physically bought things.

Haiti taught me to see the world differently.

It taught me to slow down. To stress less. To look the cashier in the eye. To say hello to others. To give of time. To listen more. To be patient. To be grateful. To be joyful. To not think of myself first. To let go of complaining. To love. To be bold. To think how I can give. To rejoice. To mourn. To embrace the little things.

Haiti gave me perspective.

And that perspective has forever changed me.

Blessed real perspective.

******

This week, while I am at the lake resting and enjoying family, I am giving myself the grace to write not on a daily schedule but at my leisure. So the posting might not be as frequent, but I do know that if and when I share it will be because I was inspired at the moment to sit at my teeny netbook and write. In fact, my book which I was aiming to have done by 8/1 will now be revised because of Haiti. Thanks again for loving and encouraging me last week. I am so blessed by you all. ~Rachel

And hahaha. Here I am in cornrows. :)


to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.