shh... listen {words our kids need to hear}

I was planning on writing this post listing more words that our kids need to hear. I had ideas floating about - about saying I love you and you are important and do you want to help me and you're amazing - and yet, here I am sitting in my family room late on a Monday night with four draft posts started and no post. Want to know why? Because I truly today isn't about the words that our kids need to hear. And I know it. I know it because earlier today Samuel kept saying play with me momma and Caleb kept telling me the same story over and over because I was distracted with whatever was urgent at that moment.

You don't listen mom.

So today, late on a Monday night I felt convicted to write about what our kids, my kids, need more than the words that so quickly are said.

They need us.

They need to hear all of those good words - they really do - but beyond that they need us to act on what we say and to stop our agendas and to get down on their level and listen. Not just us during bedtime and breakfast and during homework and when we have a free moment.

Words matter. They truly do. But sometimes action matters more.

I could write and write and write and write about words that we need to say to our children and how we should include them in our day to day, and how valuable it is to be intentional with our children. It's one thing to say and want to be intentional and it's another to actually be intentional.

When we intentionally get down at their level and look in their eyes then we can begin to see the wonder of the world that they live in. And then? Then we can listen. My six year old shouldn't have to repeat his story 4 times and be met with a mom nodding her head and not stopping.

Instead of speaking our words into them we can listen and discover what they find interesting, important, funny. lovely, scary, happy, and intriguing - we can hear their words. Sometimes we moms need to actually be just a wee bit quiet in the midst of our own busy.

Why are we on the boat? Look at the water. I like you. I sit on your lap. Why is the sky pink?

Moms, we're busy. Our agendas fill our minds and so often we're simply uttering the next to-do item to our kids or correcting where they're wrong or reminding them of their chores and not really listening. You know some words our kids really need to hear?

Tell me more.

And then some silence as we listen.

You'll be amazed at what listening teaches you. You'll get a glimpse into their heart, their dreams, their goals, their wonders. And you? You'll be blessed. And them? Listening tells them that they matter, that we're invested in them, that we care about them and that they're dreams are important. The best part? We can start anytime - learn from yesterday, from this morning, and just move forward. Grace.

Speak those listening words to them.

Then sit back, watch, and listen.

******

This is the second in a series called Words our Kids Need to Hear. Last week I wrote about the words I am Proud of You and why those words matter.
To read more about listening and intentional parenting consider reading Day 4 Listen which is part of my 10 Days of Intentional Parenting Series.

words our kids need to hear. {the series}

I am proud of you.

I uttered those words to my Eli, my sweet and precocious and busy and challenging and fiesty, Elijah, after a  busy and extremely tiring day with him - the rule tester. It was just the two of us, sitting outside in 96 degrees on the deck, waiting while I watched the citrus lime marinated chicken pieces turning black much too quickly on the grill.

He was exhausted.

He had a hard day - limits were pushed and boundaries enforced and he was just a bit mad. I scooped up that almost five year old of mine and held his hand and sat with him on the faded green deck chair. I just held him, and didn't care too much about the smoke from the grill, but instead cared so much about the hand belonging to the little boy that was resting in my hand.

Elijah, I am proud of you. I am proud of all the good choices that you made and how you helped me out today.I know you had a hard day, but that doesn't change the fact that I am proud to be your mom.

I whispered those words to the blond little boy curled in my lap, the little boy who was probably expecting to hear that he needed to go to bed or that he needed to make better choices.

I know he heard them. His head snuggled further, his sweaty hand still gripped mine, and his sobs of frustration from losing a toy due to poor choices gradually settled down. Then, there, in that oppressive heat he let out a sigh and fell asleep - knowing that I, his somewhat weary mom, was still very much proud of him despite the bumps in the road.

I am proud to be your mom.

Do you tell your children that you are proud of them? It's so easy to forget, to lose sight of the gift of motherhood that we've been blessed with. To those littles and middles and bigs we are their mom. There is no one in this world that can ever replace or take our role. Yet, the frenetic schedule and challenges of being a mom can suck joy and perspective right out of our motherhood day.

Yesterday? That was my day. Elijah pushed the boundaries from the moment his feet hit his carpet in the morning until that minute when he fell asleep in my arms. I could have told him how frustrated I was - again - but, instead, I realized he knew that he needed to change some of those four year old choices but that what he really needed to hear was that I still loved him. And that I was proud of him and proud to be his mom.

Those words matter.

In a world where criticism and negativity and never measuring up abounds we absolutely must balance our parenting -  the needed expectations, rules, boundaries and needed no answers with the I love you, and I am proud of you, and you are amazing answers. It's so easy to slip into seeing everything that needs to be changed, and where they're messing up, or forgetting to do what they need to do, and focus on what isn't working.

Let's take time to speak words of encouragement, building up, and strengthening our bond with our kids as well. Find them. Tell them you are proud of them and that you are proud to be their mom. We are blessed as mothers to be their cheerleaders - the ones who tell them even after those hard days how much we believe in them and that we see the good and potential.

Again, those I am proud of you words matter.

They matter, they matter, they matter.

Chances are, when those little ones become adults, the fact that you told them that you are proud of them and that you are proud to be their mom will matter a great deal more than the fact that they didn't put their shoes away or that they didn't have a great day. The impact of hearing about how you love them and are proud of them and how your love isn't dependent upon circumstances are words kids need to hear.

Take time.

Even in the midst of those hard, crazy, exhausting, and challenging days to speak truth.

I am proud of you. I am proud to be your mom.

Those are words our kids need to hear.

*****

Words our Kids Need to Hear will be a series over the next several Tuesdays. We, as parents, have a great role and responsibility to speak truth, encouragement, direction, and favorably to our children. My hope is that this series offers an opportunity for us to examine our words and to remember the power of our words. To receive updates via email {make sure to verify} simply click subscribe to finding joy.