I mumble quick words to my eight year old, my Brennan, who had come to tell me one of his amazing stories. Again. His eyes, full of excitement, shot a questioning look at mine.
You're not really listening.
Oh, I am, it's neat.
But, I'm not. I'm in my own world of agendas, doing the next things, and reading those endless supply of emails. So I didn't really listen. I did the half-kind of listen, the nod your head, and simply say sure and that's great at the end.
And Brennan wasn't buying it. He wanted the full listen. Where I close my little netbook - the email can wait - and I look at him and listen. Not forced, but rather a mom eager to hear about this story that he's been creating. The kind of listen that he deserves.
But, it's hard for me. The distracted mom.
I'm stuck in such a cycle of moving forward and trying to keep everything balanced that stopping my initial agenda requires an intentional effort to refocus my focus. I could move on autodrive all day long racing from thing to thing to thing and brush aside the stories, creations, and simple play times.
I shut the lid.
Tell me about this story, Brennan.
And I try to listen. When the thoughts of work, or the pile of dishes, or the spelling words he should be working on creep in, I remind myself -- resolute -- and I once again redirect my thoughts to Brennan's story. I listened. Hard. Then he was done.
Thanks, mom.
He picked up his pencil and started writing his spelling words. His heart was full. The distracted mom was a focused mom and listened. She really really listened.
How I respond now has impact. If he, at eight, sees that I don't really want to hear his words, then what will happen when he's 13? I want him to know, I want my other children to know, that when they come to me that I want to listen, I will pay attention, and I care about them and their hearts. That faith in who I am as a mom is cultivated now. So I must close the netbook, put aside the agenda, and give of my time for just a bit.
The listening mom.
So much better than the distracted mom.
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23 comments:
You know, i just want to be you when i grow up!
Beautiful post - and i had to stop and inspect a toe in the middle of reading it ;)
So, so true and it really takes effort to become an attentive listener. I love that James 1:19 reminds us to be "quick to listen." This momma needs to practice this more purposefully.
This is so great. If only more parents (and people in general) would start genuinely listening rather than just hearing the words...
Happy Sunday!
xo Shane
It takes time, doesn't it? I now I had so much to do, but taking the time to play a game with my boys, because that makes memories!
I know that it is hard to push aside all the distractions of life for the important things of others--to make what is important to them, important to us. Your kids will remember this.
Seems like we are discovering the same things at the same time...
Our children can teach us so much if we just take the time with them....
http://goodlifeofdesign.blogspot.com/2011/12/time.html
So perfect! :) I love their stories that just are SO important to them which in turn makes them SO important to US ... taking the time (and remembering to continue to take the time) to listen is such a SPECIAL lesson for us ever-growing mommas... Thank You for the reminder! XO hugs
What a great lesson... what we do when they are small is such an indicator of how things will be when they are big. Thank you.
I had one of those moments last night...and it woke me up....truly. I've been distracted by side noise lately....noise I don't want to hear....and so< I've turned it off....Thank you...your posts...have impeccable timing!
Yes! I make an effort to push away from the computer (I use a desktop) and put down my cell phone or pen. Full attention is all they want. It that so much to ask?
My daughter is 12 and friends with teens keep telling me how the days when they WANT to talk to you are coming to an end. I want to relish every moment.
Yesterday Sprite asked to go to the park and swing. Yep. Swing. So I went with her. We swang and even went down the kiddie slides. It took maybe 30 minutes of my day. But it was a fun time of laughter. I got major brownie points as a fun mom. So worth it.
whew...now that hit home a little:)
I *love* this. So, so true. I can remember my dad saying "uh huh" to me so often, and I KNEW he was never paying attention. I need to remind myself quite often to give "the whole mom" to my kids!
so true...thanks for the reminder! I struggle with that so much.
Oh, Rachel, I promise that those distractions will be gone before you can snap your fingers. No joke, the day will come when you will have more time than you care to have for those things that are a distraction right now. Loved this post!
Perfectly right - I have been blessed with parents who patiently listen to me no matter what (altho if the 5 year old and 8 year old are fighting and 9 year old needs help w/ his spelling, you have to understand if you're put at second or third or fourth place, you know?)
I always enjoy your blog! :-)
~Chare
charebear1010.blogspot.com
Ouch! I feel guilty now like I shouldn't even be sitting here reading blogs while my little girl asks me 50 million questions as she watches Mary Poppins. Thanks for the kick in the pants.
Oh that was good. How wonderful that you listened! Special memories are created by paying close attention to the ordinary things we see daily.
Good job Mama!
~Cinnamon
Praying!
Revelation 3:11-13 Behold, I come quickly: hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown. Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, which is new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and I will write upon him my new name...
Prayer Bears
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This is my struggle right now. So much to do, so much going on, my plate getting more and more full every single day. My kids MEAN MORE than that mess that needs tidies, that laundry that needs tackled, that blog post that needs written. So why is it sometimes so difficult to focus where I should? I don't know. But I'm working on it. Thank you for these wise words, sweet lady. :)
I can be a distracted mom lately so it is nice to hear the reminders...I am in the home stretch and I need to remember that even teenagers need their moms to listen. This morning my 18 year old needed an ear...so glad I allowed the time to listen to the serious talk from the kid wearing a ball cap and cool jeans. :)
So true! I find that if I'm not standing still and making eye contact, I'm not really being attentive. Inattention doesn't make you feel loved. I often think how I'd feel if my husband only listened to me while watching ESPN or something!
Hello!
A beautiful reminder. I have my computer in a different room and whenever I hear my little one call 'Mum!' I get up and go to her so I can listen.
Getting out attention is so important to them.
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