sticks and stones may break my bones

sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will never hurt me....

She was just a girl. Little, in fifth grade, with uncontrolled frizzy hair and a freckly face. But, despite that, oh so awkward stage, she felt good that day. In fact, she felt amazing and full of confidence. She had on these cool pants - floral pants, very 80s pants, with a bright bold pattern splashed about everywhere. And she had on her white sweatshirt - cute with the 3/4 length sleeves and the trendy emblem on the front. In her mind? Perfection.

She got permission to look at the nailpolish in Target while her mom and dad looked at the shampoo in the next aisle. She looked - at the reds, blues and the pinks - feeling as if nothing could stop her right then. To her, it was the perfect growing up type of afternoon. And just then, three boys, teenagers probably, came around the corner, saw her, the anonymous girl, and decided to yell something at her.

Hey Ugly.

She looked up, the once confident little eleven year old in her favorite outfit, and saw them. Laughing. At her. They ran off and left her standing there in the midst of pointless nailpolish. Who cared about luscious pink and cherry reds now. Now, she hated her clothes. She hated those pants with the purple flowers splotched about. She hated her hair. She now thought she was ugly.

And she lived with that. For years and years and years.

Hey Ugly.

She grew. Got married. Had children. Yet, still in the background of her mind were those two little words. Hey Ugly. She let them grow and grow and grow. Then it developed into more and more more lies about herself that developed from one little lie yelled at her in the midst of an early years Target.

You're not good enough.
No one likes you.
You're dumb.
You can't do it.
You'll never do anything.

All from Hey Ugly.

Until, one day, that little girl, who was now an adult learned the truth of Hey Ugly. She learned that she was not ugly, but rather a daughter of the King. She learned that those kids, those boys, probably never thought again of the words that they yelled at that little girl in Target with her fabulously cute, but never worn again, floral pants. Or how those words could define a life. Until the girl, now an adult, decided to no longer live with those words defining her life. She instead began to live knowing that she was beautiful - In the Lord.

She learned about the power of words. She learned how callously and carelessly they are thrown around - little phrases here and there and when these words are left unchecked they grow into lies distorting the truth of self. She learned that as a mother that she needs to absolutely guard the words that she tells her children. She learned that she is not an emotion. She is not angry, sad, mad, scared, fearful and all of that. She is much more than emotion.

And she learned to forgive and let go of the hurt from those boys that decided in their world to be funny and yell at a little girl Hey Ugly.

She wasn't ugly. She just believed them.

But, not anymore.

She learned how those are lies of a culture that are destined to hold people, to hold women, to hold moms back. The lies don't define a life. The lies don't define worth. They don't define value. Or potential. They don't define beauty. They don't define capability. Instead she learned that truth defines.

And now, she's sitting here, behind a laptop writing to you.

She's telling you that you are not ugly, worthless, pointless, never going to measure up, a failure, don't matter, and all of that lie filled chatter that can run through our minds. Rather, you are beautiful. You are worthy. You are full of potential. You, right now, in your home with all that you are doing and have to do, with those old lies that no longer need to run through your head, you are absolutely beautiful.

Do not ever forget that.

Do not ever listen to the Hey Ugly cries of this world.

You are more than that.

You are a beautiful daughter of the King.

She's telling you, she's imploring of you, to listen to that finding joy truth instead.

*****
this post is  a small portion of the keynote that I gave at the 2:1 Conference 
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facts from my amazing weekend

A little bit silent over here? Well, I'm back -- right after 10 Days of Intentional Parenting wrapped up I found myself on a plane flying out to Washington DC to emcee the Titus 2:1 Conference - the first ever Christian Homeschooling Blogging Conference.

It was amazing.

So today, I thought I'd share some miscellanies with you about it. I've only got some instagram pictures -- imagine that, I was busy speaking and didn't have time for pics... :)

1. Flying. Despite all early cries {like last July} I actually enjoy flying. I've figured out certain patterns when taking off and landing and no longer feel the need to white knuckle grip the armrest. Turbulence? Bring it on. A little. And, oh yes, I seem to like pictures taken from my plane seat right before I take off -- evident by the two instagram photos below. One is in Chicago and the other in Washington DC. Which is which? Anyone know? And yes, I flew United.

2. Washington Dulles Airport is huge. And I mean H.U.G.E. type huge. And, it's not marked clearly. Up here in Minnesota we like labels. Lots of labels. I was standing around wondering where to go to get my bags when I arrived and it was like - go down this hall, down these two escalators, take a right, go around the corner, up one escalator, down a hall that bends, take an escalator down, take a super fast train, look around in the train for baggage claim signs, get off train, go up two more sets of escalators, go through doors that state stuff about not being able to re-enter, have the moment of doubt that you're in the right spot since you've just wandered around a small city, go through the doors, down one more escalator and then your bags are at a baggage claim 1/2 block from where you are. Good luck, get your bags, and come on back.

3. Online blogging friends are real friends. For those of you who've experienced this - you know what I'm talking about. But, for others, it's an amazing experience to walk into a room full of people and already have connections with them. There were tears shed when I left.

My friend Cheryl {on the left - who organized the conference} and me - first night for the Apologia PJ party
pic taken by my roommate {love her} Tara at Feels at Home Blog

4. The microphone.  I've decided that I need a microphone at home. Could you imagine? Okay kids, if you could all make your way downstairs in 2 minutes we'll be starting. Hmmm...

5. My family, after the Lord, comes first. This weekend was so amazing as it was a beautiful combination of topics - blogging and homeschooling - but was woven together by the common thread of our belief in Christ. I walked away feeling refreshed, on fire for the Lord, and motivated to be a better mom, wife, friend, and blogger.

6. The Lord can carry us. I was blessed to be able to give the Saturday morning keynote. Nervous because I hadn't prepared, had no slides, etc, but I truly felt the Lord calling me to step out of the boat and speak -- and I believe He blessed me with the words. I spoke about not comparing, keeping our eyes on Jesus, and that we matter. It's true, my friends, you matter -- what you're doing today, in being a mother it matters. Wiping noses, dealing with sick kids {I came home to a home full of sick children}, writing an encouraging comment, bending on your knees in prayer, all of that matters. The world will tell you that it does not - but friends - it matters.

7. Family. Throughout the weekend I realized how passionate I am about reclaiming family. I realize that our culture, our society, and our world is set out in many ways to steal family from our hands. Just as I wrote last Thursday about family and fighting for it, I'm writing it again today - we must stand up against a culture determined to whittle away at the core of family and instead stand up, stand together with arms linked, and protect, and make family stronger.

8. Intentional with my time. I am convicted to be more intentional. That's it. I just had to put it out there.

9. Pillows. And to wrap it up on a light-hearted note, at the hotel I was at that they had a "selection" of pillows. Note the quotation marks around selection. Here's the deal {that's my instagram photo below} I tested both of the pillows - firm and soft - they were the same. I think it was a marketing ploy - but it gave me something to chuckle about in front and for that I was grateful.

I'm looking to get back in the groove of my writing. The last time I took two days off {was that it?} was back in October. Of course, I'm linking with my lovely friend Carissa. Who, if you'll remember was a friend I first met through blogging, and then in real life last July {back when I didn't like flying} and now I consider her a life friend. You must read it - When Rachel Met Carissa.  God is good.



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if only ladders

If only I can just do this.
Or write this.
Or homeschool like this.
If only my kids would just be involved in this.
Or I cooked like this.
Or my house looked like this.
If only I could have a schedule like this
Or my blog would be like this.
Or my husband like this.
If only I could be like that.

There is no ladder.

There is no ultimate mom.
There is no ultimate wife.
There is no ultimate homeschooler.
There is no ultimate friend.
There is no ultimate housekeeper.
There is no ultimate cook.
There is no ultimate writer.

There is no ladder.

Each of us has our own paths, our own lives, and our own stories. We are each blessed with striving to be the best of us that we can be. While I love all the information that is at our fingertips it is also all too easy to start comparing, to start climbing this invisible ladder of perceived success. The phrase if only can begin to creep into the everyday and with each if only some of our joy in who we are begins to fade.

There is no ladder.

This world loves to define, to rank, to calculate places and spots. Just in the online world we're bombarded with things like Klout, and Google Page Rank, and Alexa scores and more. But, do they really have any place in defining worth? I'd argue no. I see these ladders placed everywhere -- homeschooling, and baking, and parenting and more. And then us mothers worn from trying to climb ladders, comparing to others, thinking if only we could just do this one more thing then I'd be...

I'd be what?

Happy? Content? Prideful? More Godly?

The more I live my life with an earthly if only ladder in front of me the more discontent my heart becomes. I start to compare myself to others and instead of seeing the good I begin to look at my own life and see where I perceive I fail. I'll start to feed lies to myself about how we're not homeschooling the right way or not cooking the healthiest  food or spending enough family time or my blog isn't this way or my house not decorated enough or I'm not crafty enough. And all that comparing? Makes me miserable. Makes me miss the joy in others and the gifts that the Lord blessed them with because I'm so focused on myself.

So I'm throwing out the ladder.

I want to live inspired by others.
I want to live encouraged by others.
I want to live grateful for my life.
I want to live thankful.
I want to live getting my worth from the Lord.

So that earthly ladder, that if only ladder, I'm not keeping it. There's a freedom in letting it go. In reading others words and being excited about who they are and the gifts and blessings the Lord bestowed on them. Letting go of the ladder means seeing your life, your family, your homeschool, your baking, your cleaning, your you no longer through the lens of the world -- with an unending ladder of perceived success -- but through the lens that you are a gift, a child, uniquely made by the Lord.

And then you, and I, can begin to live content, grateful, and thankful. We can strive to improve -- but for the right reasons -- and grow and learn and encourage others. Learning and trying new things becomes more about embracing who we are and less about becoming someone we're not. That's freedom.

There really is no ladder.
Just us. 
Daughters of the Lord.

pulling up my boot straps (with help)

Do you ever have those days where things just keep going wrong?

And then, at a certain point, the level of "wrongness" is so disproportionate that instead of being overwhelming  the pile-up of problems become ironic. Almost humorous?

(my worn boots in a pic taken by Hannah)

That was my yesterday.  From the truck stalling, to AAA not being able to find our insurance information, to my vacuum blowing up (ha ha ha -- not really blowing up but the motor burning out with half a room waiting needing to be vacuumed), to finding my boys stash of small pepper stems behind the couch, to the fridge motor icing up causing me to take everything out of the freezer and defrost, to getting late to ballet, to not checking one thing off my homeschool list, to finding out that Chloe MUST have braces as it's a functional problem and not just cosmetic, to finding out I have to go back to the dentist for several kiddos to get cavities filled, to the printer rejecting the ink-cartridge at 10:50pm when Hannah has a paper she needed printed for her class in the morning, to well, you get the picture. A mega dose of - if it could go wrongs - handed over to a tired momma.

That was yesterday.

Now it is today.  February 2, 2011. A new day.

And the Lord's mercies are new.

And I laughed about my yesterday this morning.

(ready for a new day)

I'll figure those hard things out -- with the Lord's help I'll have grace and patience and hope.  Rocky seasons remind me of the joy in good times, and like I've been writing, are helping me see the everyday beauty.  Like this morning.  My two oldest boys wrestling and laughing in the living room.  Samuel eating (yes eating) a gluten free pancake from Trader Joe's.  My new header, designed by my Hannah, as a gift to encourage me.  The fact, that hopefully, the truck just needs a new battery. (Oh, I hope it's just that......) To sweet Chloe's kind words in the morning. Or my moment of brilliance when I reminded the boys to dump the huge box of legos on a blanket so that we can clean them easier.

I have this devotional - Streams in the Desert by L.B.Cowman - that was given to me when Todd was undergoing cancer treatments.  I've pulled it out, dusted the cover, and begun rereading the pages. This is today's verse:

In the shadow of His hand he hid me;

he made me into a polished arrow and concealed me in his quiver.

 (Isaiah 49:2)

God's there. 

Always.

( by the way it ends with these encouraging words)

- remember how closely the quiver is tied to the warrior -

Alleluia.

I couldn't do this myself. :)