You messed up.
Are you kidding? You are a terrible mom.
Look at you now. Everyone will see you can't keep it together.
What if others find that you don't really care if your home is always clean?
You're messing up the kids.
Thoughts. Those pesky thoughts.
They rumble through our heads. Through my head. Over and over and over and over. It's like this almost silent soundtrack whispering to me about all the things that I'm not doing right. It's the not good enough, not measuring up, not great, all of that smooshed together.
Sometimes I don't even hear it, even though it's running on continuous loop.
You too??
If you stop, stop and think just for minute, what are the thoughts about you that you are listening to every single day?
Are they the thoughts that remind you of the great things that you do? Are they the thoughts that empower you to keep moving? Are they celebrating the little things? The moments in life where you excelled? Where you are the most amazing mom ever? Are they seeing the very brave mother moments?
Or are they the inner critic thoughts that often don't do much to build you up?
I once heard an analogy about emotions and being in control of those emotions - including that constant churning inner critic loop. First, remember, you are not your emotion. I know I write it often, but it's something that needs to get cemented in your brain. You may be feeling anger, but you, at the core aren't angry. You may be feeling frustrated, but you, at the core aren't frustration. You may be feeling overwhelmed, but you, at the core, aren't overwhelm.
So here's the deal and analogy about emotions. If you were driving a bus with little kids on it would you let one of the little kids from the back come up front and drive the bus? (credit to that analogy to a class taught by Dr. Al Larson)
I think not.
And yet, yet often we let our emotions - anger, worry, fear, anxiety, etc - drive us and define us - just like letting the little kid come up from the back and drive the bus. I say, step back, recognize the emotion, the inner critic voice, and challenge it. I may be feeling like I'm the worst mom, but that's not the truth.
The truth is that even when I'm having the feelings - or you're having those feelings - that those feelings are emotions. Challenge the emotions. Learn from the emotions. Maybe you did mess up, because we need to be real we all have those days, but messing up doesn't mean that you're the worst mom ever. It just means that you had a hard day. Plain and simple. Don't let the emotion of that hard day become part of the dialogue of self that you tell yourself.
And don't let it define you.
That inner critic can be a terribly hard thing to escape, but knowing that the tape is running is half the battle. It's running, but you can choose to listen and choose what you believe.
You know what you do right. Start seeing those things. All the hugs, bandages put on skinned knees, dinners made with rice and beans and leftovers, times pushing on the swings, reading extra books at night, giving hugs in the morning, and simply loving on kids in the midst of a world that is often full of chaos.
Those are brave mother things.
Truth? You are amazing.
Try adding that to your inner critic's loop.
I'm serious.
Try reminding yourself of all the things that you do right during the day. Challenge those thoughts, those emotions, and remind yourself of the truth. Listen to the loop of thoughts in your head and if they don't empower then they shouldn't be played over and over.
I want you to celebrate you and your journey. It's not the perfect journey. It's not absent of moments where mistakes were made. It's real. It's your journey. It's a brave mother story.
And silence the loop that challenges that.
You can do this.
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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.
