to the mom with a lemonade life story.

(By the way, I think we all have and share that kind of story...)

You know that phrase when life hands you lemons make lemonade?

Well, I think that goes for most of life. Motherhood included.

Right now, there's you, in the midst of your journey. You're the mom in your home or at work or sitting in the doctor's office or taking a walk in probably a life dotted with lemon moments. They are those things that sometimes we'd love to brush under the rug like my kids do when they sweep the floor - oh yeah, I've seen it. Sometimes we don't like to talk about those lemon things in our lives - the relationships that we thought would be forever that slowly crumbled under our feet or the fact that the bank account most days is in the red or there's sickness or struggles or that sometimes we wonder if we're really cut out for this motherhood thing. It's easy to try hide.

It's easy to think we are the only one who is mothering in a life that really isn't the life that we pictured.

Do you remember thinking about life and motherhood when you were young?

Did you picture motherhood for what it really is most days? Most days of doing the same thing over and over and over again. Days of dealing with toddlers who don't like the shirts with tags or stripes or with the lion on front and you find yourself in the midst of complex shirt negotiations when you're late. There are days of scrubbing peanut butter out of the carpet and googling how to get crayon out of clothes that ran through the dryer and staying up late trying to convince the eleven year old to fix that paragraph on their report on a favorite historical figure. There are moments trying to navigate Target while pushing the gigantic cart while searching for the noodles for dinner while the toddler decides to have a meltdown (and yes, you're not alone, all kids have a meltdown at some point - to you I say - carry on supermom.) There are moments with broken strings and permanent markers and crazy moments managing.

Then there's you. Hoping for a shower or a break or for just one night where the kids all go to bed. And smashed into all the mothering things are those doubts - the wonderings if your kids are going to turn out okay because you didn't get them into ballet or soccer or taekwondo when they were three (trust me, they'll be fine). Or you hoping that you're doing enough or you hoping for just a moment to take a break.

And then there are those lemon moments in life. The hard stuff that so easily could paint the story that you're living into shades of gray. But, the truth is that the lemons and those hard moments are what makes your story yours. It's where you learn about bravery, strength, courage, tenacity, and that yes, to only give the three year old two shirt options when you're late. Or, honestly, no shirt options at all - then opt for the tag free striped shirt with the lion on front.

Life is lemonade.

It's a mixture of those challenging moments when we're pushed to the brink of ourselves mixed with sweet moments where our kids are perfect mixed with ordinary, plain, pull the wash out of the dryer and fold the clothes days. There are times where we sit out on the front porch with tears streaming from our face looking at the stars at night and simply praying for strength for tomorrow. There are times when we are brave and make the tough choices even though the whole world might think we're crazy.

It's in motherhood too. It the times when we choose to count to twenty again and again and again and then we up it to counting to thirty. It's in the moments where the door is slammed on our faces and we wonder why in the world we're doing this crazy thing called motherhood. It's in the times we pace and walk and deal with that colicky baby who doesn't resemble the sweet newborn we thought we would have.

But it's also so sweet.

Let's not forget those moments - they're the moments in the mix of life that makes your story laced with moments of beauty. It's in the sweet I love you momma moments. Or the times where we choose to rock our preschooler in the morning and put the phone down (Read this short story I put up on the finding joy facebook page - it has already over 60k views). It's in the art projects, talks in the car, ice cream treats late at night, stories read, and hands wiped. It's in the kids cuddled on the couch reading together. It's in the text messages from our teens saying thank you.

The little things.

A lemonade life story isn't bad, sweet mother. It's normal. It's your story, your amazing story that you're writing right now. Right now, this is your life, and your journey. You could compare it to me or to the other commenter on facebook or your neighbor next door but all that comparing has the potential to make you less content with you. Don't compare. Learn. Your story is beautiful and unique and yours. Even if it isn't perfect.

It can be easy to wonder how did this become my story ? I know. I've asked it.

You know what? Let's not ask that question anymore. Do you know why? Because you are blessed with now. Today. Maybe the past is full of lemons. Hard things. Times when you felt like you deserved the bad mom of the day or the week mother status (let me tell you in January I'll be writing about those things - kids cooped in the house with negative temps outside pushes a mother to her limits). But here's the deal - those things are in the past. Learn from them. Grow. And yet embrace today.

I'm not joking.

Embrace today.

If you never read my words again the one thing I would want you to leave this site is with the idea of embracing today. Loving the little things - finding joy in the moments - that you are blessed with in the middle of today. It's not those gigantic cool things that we think motherhood could be about. It's in the eleven seconds when you stand at the bedroom door and watch your ten year old sleep - the ten year old who you battled with all day and yet love with all of your heart. Or when your five year old pats your hand and tell you he loves you. Or when no one complains about dinner (that's a moment - savor it). Or when a friend calls you out of the blue to just say hello. Or when you're told I love you. Or when your kids just want to be around you.

Little. Things. Matter.

Celebrate them with me. Live your lemonade life grateful because right now, at this moment, what you are doing in your imperfect life makes a life difference to your kids. They need you, their mom, their not so perfect but very real mom who is living a lemonade life story.

That's the beautiful truth.

From me, one mom living a lemonade life and still loving the little things, to you.

*****
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Today's photos? A mixture of real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy and pics used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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to the out of breath mom.

That's me.

I'm the mom with just one more thing to do on the to-do list. I've got that running tally in my head of items to check off that seem to roll over to the next day and the next and the next and the next until I'm left with a gigantic pile of dirty laundry that's broaching on becoming the highest point in the house.

I race.

From here to there and back to here and then there and up the stairs and down and to the kitchen and out the front door and to the bedrooms and that laundry room with the pile of clothes and all over again back to here and there and then I rinse and scrub and repeat and do it again.

So often I live out of breath.

Motherhood is so full of living out of breath.

You too?

We look at magazines, books, blogs, and pinterest boards full of serene moments and yet, oftentimes, the only serenity we get is the 4.5 minutes where we race to shower while the cry of mo--o--oom is heard outside the door. Savor those seconds. For real. It's okay to condition your hair twice when you really need a break.

I'll look at my home and all the things I could, should, should have, and could have been doing all scream at me in the brief moments where I think I want to pause. I'll mull over slowing down and then the mom cry is heard again and the racing starts up.

It's tiring. Exhausting.

And yet, somehow, sometimes it is beautiful.

It's beautiful when you strip away the layers of exhaustion and fatigue and out of breath moments and look at the amazing power of what one is doing. That would be what you and I and mothers have been doing since time began.

We mother.

Did you hear that?

We mother.

We give of ourselves for our children. And so often that leaves us in that out of breath posture place for years.

But, it won't last.

There will come a day when we are sitting in our homes - our homes with the throw pillows exactly where they are meant to go, with a table with no crumbs underneath and no marker stains on the top, with walls absent of handprints, bathtubs without the piles of toys, laundry rooms without the missing Captain America socks, cars without carseats, cabinets without fruitsnacks, bedrooms lacking toys to trip on, and we will miss today.

You and I will look back on these out of breath motherhood days and we will miss them.

Sure, we probably won't miss the exhaustion or wishing for the freedom to roll over and just get five more minutes of sleep. Nor the time with a puking two year old who has absolutely no concept of aim except for your shirt. Or when there is mass chaos and all the kids need you at once and you're late and you've lost your keys and no one can find their shoes and your phone is ringing. That stuff? Well, that's just normal frustrating motherhood stuff.

We'll miss the little things, the little moments, that are woven into the normal.

Those rooms with the legos that you step on will be so quiet. There won't be little ones racing into the kitchen wanting just one more cookie or snack or asking and asking and asking what's for dinner? There won't be towels left on the bathroom floor or socks under the bed. No milk spilled in plastic Ikea tumblers. Little things.

Those out of breath things will probably become the beautiful nostalgic moments we remember.

It doesn't make the out of breath times any easier. It doesn't add hours of sleep. But it does serve as a reminder, a deep breath in a world of shallow racing breathing, that what you're doing, what I'm doing, right now, today, in your home or at work or in your car or where ever you are is an incredibly beautiful, brave, noble, and amazing thing.

You may not see it.

I miss it so often.

I see my mistakes - where I was too short, too impatient, too worried, too comparing (oh my is this a trouble one for me) - and forget to give myself grace. I look at the out of breath posture and I think if only I had this or could do that then I might not live out of breath.

Truth? Until the day when our homes are quiet we're probably going to live rather out of breath.

So rest when you can. Take care of you in the midst of mothering.

And celebrate the astonishing beautiful normal things that you do now.

The kisses. Hugs. Smiley faces drawn. Sandwiches cut just right. Soup made. Carseats buckled. Covers tucked. Prayers whispered. Juice pouches where it takes only one try to get the straw in. Books read at night. Rocking babies. Texting teenagers. Stirring sauces. Wiping tables. Picking up legos. Driving here and there. Telling I love you's. All of those things. Those life matters even in the out of breath moment things.

Breathe.

You are doing just fine.

And if you need a break - take a shower and enjoy your 4.5 minutes of semi silence.

After all -- little things matter. :)

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Today's photos? All real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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what moms do.

Last night I went to bed very late, put my head on my pillow, and had that moment of thinking that i didn't get anything done all day. Again.

I saw everything I didn't do.

I saw that instead of reading a story at night I told the boys to just go to bed and then I sat in the hallway for 45 minutes waiting for them to fall asleep.

I saw the messy kitchen - with pans needing to be washed from dinner and a table that still had remnants from our school day on it.

I saw the laundry that I didn't finish folding.

I saw the times that I was impatient, the fact that we didn't get all of our spelling words done, the fact that we're still struggling with multiplication facts, that the bathroom mirror needed to be washed, that I didn't finish my writing that I had planned, that I needed to vacuum the living room, that I still hadn't played the game with Brennan that he asked me to play two days ago, that the kids played too much media, and that my to-do list instead of getting shorter had actually gotten longer. 

So I rested there, at 2:30 in the morning, feeling just for a bit like I couldn't keep up. Measure up.

Then I realized - am I only letting myself see all the things I didn't do? What about what I did do?

What about all the what feels like a million times four times where I dealt with the inevitable mom cry over whose turn it was, over if one could play media, if it was snack time, and all of that? What about the dinner prepared - even though it was just spaghetti and sauce and beans - and the lunch prepared and the kitchen cleaned at least three times?

What about the times in the backyard?

Or sitting together on the couch? Or finding a shirt for them to wear? Or picking up toys? Or talking to friends? Or talking to a women's group who was totally awesome? Or when I answered emails? And on and on and on. 

How about you?

What do you see, dear mother when you look at your day?

Do you go to bed at night looking at your day thinking that you didn't do much?

Do you go to bed weary wondering if all this motherhood stuff really makes a difference?

Or do you go to bed, put your head on your pillow, and give yourself grace? Do you rest there and know that even if it wasn't perfect that what you're doing makes a difference? Do you see the amazing normal things that you do every single day?

Do you see the beauty, bravery, and strength in what moms, what you, do?

I challenge you to start going to bed and realizing that you do a great deal more than we often give ourselves credit for. You are a mother. You may work, work at home, work part time, stay home, or do a combination of all of that. But no matter what, you mother. You still have to get up, to love kids, to get them dressed, to make sure they're clean, to make food, to help with homework, to read, to listen, to deal with tantrums and attitude, to drive here and there, to wake in the middle of the night when you'd rather sleep, and to just keep going. No matter what.

When you put your head on your pillow at night that's what you should be thinking about.

You should be realizing that you are way more than enough and that what you are doing - those simple things that are so easy to dismiss as just a mom moments are in fact the most powerful moments in your day. Dealing with disputing children multiple times an hour is in fact incredibly draining. Who knew that much energy could be expended in trying to determine whose turn it is? Or the challenges in a four year old actually letting you get them dressed? Or in loving kids when you're simply super tired and you just want to take a break?

I mean, just this morning I've already dealt with a minor meltdown over the shirt choice (is it really that hard?), that one couldn't go outside when they wanted to, that there was nothing for breakfast, that one had to actually scrape their dish in the garbage, that the shoes didn't feel right, that one was annoyed that toys needed to be put back in the box, and on and on. And that was before 8am. And before my coffee had brewed. 

Those things that we deal with that we think are often just mom things are sometimes the most draining, most tiring, most oh my goodness I cannot believe I am really trying to reason with a three year old over shirt choice things. 

They're the real nitty gritty mom moments. The moments that are smooshed in with real life moments - the money, relationships, working, managing a home, and doing all of that real stuff as well as trying to convince the four year old that washing hair is good and that you won't get the water in their eyes and well, you know, mom stuff.

Don't dismiss what you do.

Don't look at your to-do list which probably won't get done until you're old and use it to qualify your day.

Look at all you do. All of your being a mom enough moments. All the times when you put the bandage on the knee, pulled the splinter out of a finger of a screaming five year old, helped your teenager with homework, folded the clothes and put them back in the drawer, buttoned up coats, talked with friends, sat on the couch and breathed moments in life.

You're a mom.

You're a mom with good days, bad days, awesome days, days where you want to race to the airport and take the next flight to anywhere, days with milk spilled, days where you feel like the queen of the world, days that are sunny, days that are normal, and just every day life.

In all them. You keep going. That's what moms do. 

See that today.

That's enough, brave mother. That's enough.


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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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a gluten free normal life.

Normal.

Sometimes we go through our days and forget the beauty of normal. I don't think it's intentional, it's more as if we get stuck in the routine - the ins and outs and dishes and laundry and vacuuming and cooking and cleaning and the doing it agains - and the normal stuff seems to get forgotten. It's hard to celebrate that at times, especially when it feels, well, so boring and tedious at times.

Then there are the moments in our lives where normal is taken from us. We've all had them - those moments where that normal previously boring routine was stripped from us and we're left longing for the days when the biggest stress was a messy kitchen or laundry that never seems to end.

I remember.

I remember when (my now four year old) Samuel was diagnosed with Celiac Disease walking through Target crying. Well, not the full-fledge cry with tears pouring down my face, but rather that type of cry where you fight to keep the tears tucked within your eyelids. It's the cry that if someone asked you are you okay in that very second you would no longer be okay and the tears would begin to pour.

I missed normal. I missed being able to push that large red cart through the store and to be able to throw in anything without having to scrutinize the label. Well, wait. I loved that I had a diagnosis for Samuel. I loved it. But, in those moments all I could see were the kids running up to the bakery section of Target waiting for their free cookie.

I knew Samuel would never get that free gluten full cookie.
          (click gluten free pumpkin bars to find our favorite treat instead)

And in those moments my heart ached. Of course, of course I was profoundly grateful for a diagnosis for my little boy who, in those days, was fading away in front of me. But, I also was learning to let go of a life that I thought would be his normal. No matter what the diagnosis or issue is that strips normal from you one must still go through a process of accepting a new normal.

But the cool thing about eating gluten free was that vitality and energy returned for Samuel and we found normal. In fact, now today, I can walk through Target and past all the bread, the cookies, the snacks, and all the gluten full stuff and not feel that ache that I felt those cold February days. Samuel has grown up knowing that gluten hurts his tummy and honestly never lets the fact that he can't have a cookie bother him. Now, as a family rule, no one gets the cookie if Samuel is around simply because we love and support him and his gluten free journey.

That's the cool thing about normal - even when it's gone it can return. The reality is that normal will look different, but the new normal doesn't have to be any less cool than the previous.

For Samuel eating gluten free saved his life. That's the thing with Celiac Disease - gluten literally destroys the lining of the gut making it impossible to absorb nutrients. You remove the gluten and the body heals and food can be absorbed and processed. So energy, vitality, and health return.

Living gluten free doesn't have to mean living without. Living gluten free, in fact, can be living alive and healthy.

For Samuel? And for those with Celiac Disease? Living gluten free is a gift. It's a way to live life and to eat so that one stays healthy.

That's normal.

And that normal is beautiful.

So today, today, I ask you to look at your own journey. Maybe you're in a time when all you want is normal to return. Sweet mother, it will return. Or maybe you're in a spot where the tediousness of the every day is making you want to run laps around your house (not here - it's too cold). Celebrate normal. That's the beauty of normal - it's to be celebrated. So take a second, look around your space, and find something beautiful.

Normal is beautiful.

#littlethingsmatter

*****

As a mother with a child with Celiac Disease I consider it a great honor to be a voice of awareness. I also love celebrating normal - and I know many of you today just needed a reminder to step back, to look at normal, and to be grateful. Because I am blessed to speak out about living gluten free and raising a child with Celiac Disease I consider it an honor to partner with Udi's Gluten Free as a brand ambassador. Their products truly helped normal return in our home. I've been blessed to not only partner with them but also to visit them at their home office in Denver, Colorado. They're as awesome as I talk about. For real.

Learn more about living gluten free! Visit http://udisglutenfree.com/
This is a sponsored conversation written by me on behalf of Udi's Gluten Free. The opinions and text are all mine.

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boxed macaroni and cheese doesn't define motherhood

So I might have mentioned that I buy boxed macaroni and cheese.

I mentioned it on my mom confession post  (link) that I wrote earlier this week.

Do I know that the boxed, gluten free (because that's the only kind of macaroni Samuel can ever eat because he has Celiac Disease) is probably not the best, most nutritious, awesome food choice for my kids? Absolutely. Do I still buy it for my kids to have at lunch once a week? Yes.

I didn't mention it to talk about organic versus processed versus homemade versus whatever food choices.

Truth? There are some of you out there right now that can only afford the boxed macaroni and cheese and are grateful to have that to serve your kids for dinner. There are some of you who would never serve the boxed macaroni and cheese. There are some of you who are reading this who don't really care about boxed macaroni and cheese and are probably wondering why I've invested so much time writing about a $1.99 product that i buy at Trader Joe's.

Do you know why I'm writing about it?

I'm writing about it today because I'm telling you those details do not make or define or create or elevate one to the good perfect amazing extraordinary mother status.

Those things do not create a mother.

Ultimately, what matters is that you mother them. That you are the one in the trenches fighting for them, loving them, defending them, letting them fall and then helping them back up, praying for them, believing in them, caring for them, nurturing them, laughing with them, helping them, creating with them, dreaming with them, and simply being the one that is there for them - in all things.

If you serve boxed macaroni and cheese then you do. Should you have it every day? Probably not. Is it the best choice for lunch? Maybe not. But, I'm here to tell you that sometimes in the busy crazy pull your hair out moments of motherhood that making boxed macaroni and cheese for lunch and getting into bowls and getting kids to eat it is a small victory in itself.

Motherhood is not easy. It's not easy in a world that races by on hyper drive. It's not easy with limited budgets. With kids who rebel. With externals screaming at us about all we need to be doing to "make it" as a mom.

You can't base your worth as a mother on those external variables. There is always always always something more that we are being told by society that we could do, should do, should have done, need to do, and didn't do.

That is exhausting.

So when I decided to list my mom confessions it was simply to demonstrate that I am real. I am real enough to admit that I don't have it together every day. Or that I'm okay with serving that product to my kids. Or that I never, or rarely, fold socks. Do you know why? Because honestly, sometimes it's okay with saying to each other that you are a good mom and you are trying and what you're doing really matters and hooray for getting lunch on the table.

I know I talk about when we get old and stuff, but I'm telling you, we are not going to talk about our lunch choices. Or the fact that my kids dig through a round white laundry basket looking for a matching pair of socks. Do you know what we will talk about?

We will talk about our motherhood journey.

We will probably talk about how we wished we would have slowed down, loved the little things, and all of that.

We will talk not about the minutia but about the loving our children moments.

We will celebrate the times where we were brave, courageous, and fought.

We will remember the sweet moments, the challenges, and the normal.

We will celebrate our years as moms.

Not the macaroni and cheese. Or all of those other things we could debate about.

So, moms, make the best choices you can today. And stand proud in what you do. Be brave. And link arms with the moms around you - don't define you based on what they do and don't define them based on what you do. We are all unique, all with our own stories, all with our own journeys, and all with our own path. Let's support each other. Love each other. Encourage each other on those moments when we just want to scream I can't do this anymore.

Big picture.

Love your kids. Do your best. Moms are amazing.

And that means you.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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calming the inner critic

You're a joke.
You messed up.
Are you kidding? You are a terrible mom.
Look at you now. Everyone will see you can't keep it together.
What if others find that you don't really care if your home is always clean?
You're messing up the kids.

Thoughts. Those pesky thoughts.

They rumble through our heads. Through my head. Over and over and over and over. It's like this almost silent soundtrack whispering to me about all the things that I'm not doing right. It's the not good enough, not measuring up, not great, all of that smooshed together.

Sometimes I don't even hear it, even though it's running on continuous loop.

You too??

If you stop, stop and think just for minute, what are the thoughts about you that you are listening to every single day?

Are they the thoughts that remind you of the great things that you do? Are they the thoughts that empower you to keep moving? Are they celebrating the little things? The moments in life where you excelled? Where you are the most amazing mom ever? Are they seeing the very brave mother moments?

Or are they the inner critic thoughts that often don't do much to build you up?

I once heard an analogy about emotions and being in control of those emotions - including that constant churning inner critic loop. First, remember, you are not your emotion. I know I write it often, but it's something that needs to get cemented in your brain. You may be feeling anger, but you, at the core aren't angry. You may be feeling frustrated, but you, at the core aren't frustration. You may be feeling overwhelmed, but you, at the core, aren't overwhelm.

So here's the deal and analogy about emotions. If you were driving a bus with little kids on it would you let one of the little kids from the back come up front and drive the bus? (credit to that analogy to a class taught by Dr. Al Larson)

I think not.

And yet, yet often we let our emotions - anger, worry, fear, anxiety, etc - drive us and define us - just like letting the little kid come up from the back and drive the bus. I say, step back, recognize the emotion, the inner critic voice, and challenge it. I may be feeling like I'm the worst mom, but that's not the truth.

The truth is that even when I'm having the feelings - or you're having those feelings - that those feelings are emotions. Challenge the emotions. Learn from the emotions. Maybe you did mess up, because we need to be real we all have those days, but messing up doesn't mean that you're the worst mom ever. It just means that you had a hard day. Plain and simple. Don't let the emotion of that hard day become part of the dialogue of self that you tell yourself.

And don't let it define you.

That inner critic can be a terribly hard thing to escape, but knowing that the tape is running is half the battle. It's running, but you can choose to listen and choose what you believe.

You know what you do right. Start seeing those things. All the hugs, bandages put on skinned knees, dinners made with rice and beans and leftovers, times pushing on the swings, reading extra books at night, giving hugs in the morning, and simply loving on kids in the midst of a world that is often full of chaos.

Those are brave mother things.

Truth? You are amazing.

Try adding that to your inner critic's loop.

I'm serious.

Try reminding yourself of all the things that you do right during the day. Challenge those thoughts, those emotions, and remind yourself of the truth. Listen to the loop of thoughts in your head and if they don't empower then they shouldn't be played over and over.

I want you to celebrate you and your journey. It's not the perfect journey. It's not absent of moments where mistakes were made. It's real. It's your journey. It's a brave mother story.

And silence the loop that challenges that.

You can do this.

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the perfect mom label

There's the crazy measure up motherhood labeling ideal out there I think.

I know I struggle with it.

I'll look at my life and try to attach a label to it. Am I stay at home mom? Or a working mom (since my writing and speaking and travel can take easily 40 hours a week)? Or am I work at home mom?

The labels are everywhere.

Homeschool mom. Private school mom. Public School mom. Attachment parent. Vaccinating mom. Non vaccinating mom. Strict mom. Relaxed mom. Soccer mom. Ballet mom. Karate mom. PTA mom. Traveling mom. Single mom. Divorced mom. Married mom. Organic eating only mom.

On and on and on. (I am sure we could write quite a list).

Labels are good - they help us figure out things and categorize things. But do they really matter in the scheme of motherhood? You and I could spend so much time trying to figure out how to label ourselves and to fit into motherhood categories that we actually exhaust ourselves and miss out on motherhood.

You know what we all share?

We share that some little human (or humans) - a human that at times can drive us bonkers and stay up until 11pm and just need one more glass of water and decide they need a bunch of stories read to them over and over - well, those little people all get the honor of calling us mom. I know, it may not seem like the coolest thing especially when it's one of those super exasperated m-oooo-m kind of cries because you told them they were too young to watch Pirates of the Caribbean (just happened at my house), but they still do call you mom.

Did you read that? They call you mom.

Mom.

They probably don't care about those mom labels.  Those labels that we can spend so much time trying to fit ourselves into. My kids? They don't care if I call my self a work at home homeschooling mom who never sleeps. They just care that I'm their mom and that I love them and that I try again and again even when I mess up. Which I do. But, I still get up in the morning and brush myself off and give myself grace.

The same goes for your kids.

They care that you are the one there picking them up at school or meeting them at the door with a smile, even if it is tired, on your face. They want to see your proud face as they stand on stage and recite the one line for the school play that you worked on over and over and over again. They want you to pull up the covers just right, kiss their forehead, and whisper them I love you and goodnight. They care about the sandwiches packed or the clothes washed or that you get down and listen to them talk. They love the artwork on the wall. The times when you clap and cheer for them from the side line and yell great job and I'm proud of you.

They just need you.

They don't care about labels.

So today, today I tell you lets work to release those labels. Does it really matter what and how others define themselves? How about we simply nod at the other mom in the grocery store with blue police car cart (wiped down with sanitary wipes. Or not) and simply give them a smile. A we're in this together kind of smile. It's a smile that celebrates that normal moms are amazing and that simply being a mom is enough.(those are links)

When we're old and sitting around playing Bingo or Bridge or whatever we'll be doing during those years I don't think that we're going to be talking about the labels that we've given ourselves.  You know what you and I will talk about? We'll talk about our lives - the mountains we climbed and the times in the valley and the normal days and how brave we were. We'll talk about our stories.

Your story.

It matters. Even if the story isn't perfect or the labels aren't what you thought they would be. At the heart you're still mom. Wait. At the heart you are mom.

Your kids are blessed with you. Right now.

Even if it's not perfect. Even if there are legos on the counter and bills to pay. Even if you'd rather be home or you'd rather be working. Even if you feel like you're just spinning around in circles. Even if you're tired and sometimes you don't really feel like a good mom. Even if you're just feeling like you're going through the motions. Even if...

You see, the beauty to remember is to them you are their mom.

Mom.

And that label is priceless.

***
Thanks to all of you for your love, encouragement, and support. My post - why being a mom is enough - hit over 200k facebook likes this weekend. I am simply humbled. And blown away. And grateful. ~Rachel

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

carry on brave mother.

My facebook stream is full of links lately to specific posts and then rebuttals to posts and then rebuttals to those posts and so on. There's anger, joy, celebration, animosity, and opinions and all of that. Dialogue is good. Discussion great. But honestly, honestly, to me, it's so much about rules and so little about grace. Sometimes we get caught up in the outward and forget the power of the inward and the heart.

We all mother differently.

We are different.

And instead of trying to put us all into one mold or one right way of doing things I say we start to celebrate that the differences among us actually make us more beautiful and more strong. Imagine a world of just one color without much shading - it would be boring and the depth of beauty would be lost. There would be no difference between dusk and dawn and midday. Fall, winter, summer, and spring all would be the same. 

Mothers are never going to be all alike.

Do you know what? We may mother totally different and our kids might end up falling in love with each other. Our kids aren't our chance to make a statement - our kids are little humans that we are blessed with the opportunity to raise and teach about life and share our values with. 

You, right now, as a mother, are incredibly important. And not because you follow every rule in the mothering book or because your child fits perfectly or is above what to do in the What to Expect the First Year book. That's a thing. You are important for the little things that you do.

Do you know what those little things are?

They are those times when you get up in the morning after three hours of sleep and push brew on your Keurig and hug the cranky three year old that comes down the stairs who has declared today to be the worst day ever because his toast isn't ready yet.  They are the moments when you humble yourself to those around you and admit that your life really isn't that perfect and that you fear things and that you need help. They are the times when you buckle all the kids in the car after they've been pushing every single button and you back out of your driveway with tears in your eyes and you regain perspective.  They are the times when you go to work and you say good bye to your crying toddler and you work hard for the food on your table. 

Getting a gold star in motherhood isn't for producing little star athletes or brilliant prodigies or children who never sass back or kids who get perfect grades or for a life that is perfect. Motherhood can't be graded by those things.

Because there is real life.

And real life is often messy. 

Motherhood gold stars need to be passed out for the little pulling up your boot strap moments when you think you have no strength left and yet you somehow manage to tuck the six year old in at night and say prayers and kiss the top of his forehead. They need to be for the times when you simply let the tears fall and invite the friend into your home and you share your heart. They are for those moments when the child is sick and you are worn and yet you still manage to smile. Or laugh. Those things matter. 

So all of these agendas and posts about what is the appropriate way to dress or be or what our children see - they're only opinions. And this is my opinion as well. And my opinion?

Lets focus on the strength of moms and not the rules.

Lets celebrate our friends for who they are and love them for where they are and not get caught up in making our kids perfect but lets instead admit that we are all real. Our kids will mess up. We'll mess up. Our lives may not look like the Hallmark card. That doesn't mean failing. It's just life.

So we try. We be the best we can be in the moment. And we live with grace.

So to you the mother right now sitting here reading these words and trying to remember that scraping jelly out of a jar and wiping booger noses and reading off spelling words and talking with teachers and all of that matters - I tell you it does. Yes, yes, yes, it does.

Hold your head high.

Motherhood isn't always easy. It's work. There are the moments of beauty that we're all blessed to share. Moments that make the Hallmark cards look weak. And there are the moments of worry, anxiety, pain, and sadness too. We all have them smooshed together into a story called our life. 

I guess today, today, I want to leave you with these words.

Carry on brave mother whose life isn't perfect. Carry on brave mother whose heart may hurt. Carry on brave mother whose kids are struggling right now and she's fighting for their hearts. Carry on brave mother who feels all alone. Carry on brave mother who has had no sleep and yet has a full day of work to do. Carry on brave mother who worries about money and bills. Carry on brave mother who is just simply tired. Carry on brave mother not for how perfect your life is but rather for how perfect it is that you have the bravery to keep on going.

Carry on.

One foot. In front of the other. After another. After another.

Carry on brave mother.  

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

23 Things I Want My Kids to Know.

1. Be yourself. There is no one like you - you are unique, fabulous, creative, and you. There isn't anyone else you should strive to be like. Learn from other people - explore your talents - but be confident in who you are made to be. I love you for you.

2. Don't waste time worrying. It's easy to worry - if you measure up, if you fit in, if the clothes you are wearing are cool, if you are doing the right stuff, if you should do this or that - don't worry. Make a decision, talk over your decision, be confident in your decision, but then don't sit in worry. Worrying just takes away time from the present.

3. Appreciate the little things. Of course, this. Take time to start to see the little things in life. It's those moments that often bring great joy, perspective, and gratitude. Start recording them, sharing them, and seeing them. Joy isn't something that is handed to you - joy is a posture of your heart that is willing to seek the beauty in the ordinary, normal, good, and challenging moments in life.

4. Stand up for your friends. And your family. Do not let others bully those who you consider friends. In fact, do not let others bully others. We all are people with unique hearts, with families, with stories - there is no tolerance for cutting down, trashing, or hurting others. Be a person of integrity and stand up for those around you.

5. I will always be there. I mean it. In the good, bad, ugly, silly, crazy, funny, sorrowful, made a mistake, need grace, great days, horrible days, normal, unpredictable times of life. In it all. So don't go wondering about that part of it - just know that you can always come to me. Always.

6. Be firm in your convictions but be willing to learn and adjust. Even if it makes you not popular or cool or trendy. Develop backbone to stand firm in your convictions BUT do not become stubborn or short sighted to learn about others viewpoints and to change yours if you find that yours needs to adapt.

7. Help others. Volunteer. Give of your time. See others in this world. When you are out shopping - greet the cashier - put your phone down and converse. Open doors, help with bags, seek out opportunities to help others. Sometimes it just means smiling and being respectful.

8. Don't whisper about others in front of others. This just hurts. If you're going to say something about another person it should be something that you would feel comfortable saying to their face. If it has to be whispered then it's gossip. And don't go there.

9. Get enough rest and take care of yourself. It's easy to be busy and to keep going and going and going. But we are not made to be creatures that never rest. In fact, I want you to give yourself permission to rest and to take times to refresh. Rest is good. And this also means watching what you put in your body - someday you will get older and you will appreciate taking care of yourself now.

10. Cultivate your gifts. Whether it's playing piano, kicking a soccer ball, drawing, writing, making people laugh - whatever your gifts are make sure to cultivate and let them grow. These things are unique to you and make you you. And, if you can't figure out what you want to do don't stress - you'll figure it out. For now, explore and learn more about the things in this world that make you excited.

11. Read. Pick up a book. Or load one on your kindle. But read. Don't just read entries on facebook or all of that. Take time to read. Read books on culture, fiction, whatever - but read. Reading opens up a whole new world and challenges your brain.

12. Speak with respect. Bottom line - use your words wisely. It may seem funny to mouth off or be disrespectful but it really simply hurts you. People don't hear the disrespect, they see an individual who has not yet learned the skill of self control. That being said, there are times that one needs to simply speak up and be bold and sometimes it might sound nice. That's okay. We need people to speak up at times.

13. Pick your battles. If you went into a meeting with 11 things that were wrong and you decided to address all eleven things then very quickly others would learn that you are not ever really satisfied. Or you might be called a complainer. Instead write your list of eleven things and then from that list pick your top ones that aggravate you and only fight for those. And make sure to listen to other's issues as well.

14. Seek to understand. This one is hard. Let me repeat that. This one is really really really hard especially if you feel slighted. But the truth is that there is more power in seeking to understand someone else's point of view before arguing your own. You still may be right, but you gave the other person courtesy and respect before arguing. The heart matters.

15. Chores and work - they're all good. It may seem like it's just there to make life miserable, but the truth is that those chores make you stronger and teach a good work ethic. You are learning to be an adult in these years at home. You are not learning that I take care of absolutely everything for you. Therefore you need to learn how to do laundry, cook, and clean and all of that. It may not be fun now, but some day you will thank me.

16. You are not your emotion. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but you simply are not the emotion. You are feeling an emotion - anger, worry, etc - but you at the core are not that emotion. So learn now to take control of those emotions. Do not let them run you. Remember the thermostat/thermometer analogy? A thermometer simply reflects the moods/the emotions while a thermostat regulates them despite the craziness around. Work to be the latter.

17. Work hard. Don't give up. In the movie "Facing the Giants" there is that scene where one of the kids does this horrible football crawl and he thinks he cannot go ten yards. Well, as you know, he ends up going the entire length of the football field. Because he didn't give up. He had to stop seeing that he couldn't do it and instead pushed himself beyond what he thought possible. Most things in life take tremendous work. If you stop, someone else will finish.

18. Always be willing to learn. Or in other words, don't think only of yourself. We can learn from others. Watch others, listen, and don't think that you have the only answer. It is amazing what others can teach us if we're willing to humble ourselves and to just be willing to learn. Sometimes learning is uncomfortable, and that's okay, it's the progress not perfection.

19. Surround yourself with people that respect you and treat you well. Friends matter. Don't align yourself with others who don't treat you the way you would treat others. You matter, your heart matters, your dreams matter. Be the type of friend that shows your friends that they're important too. Part of what makes that scene so powerful in Facing the Giants is the fact that he was motivated by his friends to keep going. That's what you need to surround yourself with - people willing to keep up the fight and try harder.

20. Find balance. In life, marriage, relationships, work, fun, family, and all of everything. It's very easy to live out of balance and in fact, you will find that most of life is trying to regain balance. Expect that, and then keep working to keep balance. You are only blessed with 24 hours in a day, twelve months a year, and so many years so find that balance in your life because time will simply slip by and years can simply be lost.

21. Try to be positive. Seriously. And I know maybe that's not easy for you, but truthfully thinking positively takes less energy in the long run. Negative thinking clouds everything - emotions, relationships, what to wear, if it's rainy, etc... Try to be positive. And the truth is that there are many things that we simply cannot control - like the weather - and is it really worth the emotional energy to get bent out of shape over it? I think not.

22. Be brave. Sometimes bravery means doing the thing you don't want to do. Or riding that bike. Or getting on a plane and going across the country. Or standing up for the kid who is constantly picked on. You can be brave. I know it. Real bravery often comes in taking those risks that didn't seem possible.

23. Know that you are loved. Bottom line. And most important. Simply know you are deeply loved. Not for what you do, accomplish, how you look, where you go to school, and all of that. You are loved for being you. You in your imperfect state. You are forever loved.

*****

Today I'm flying to Denver for some meetings and will be getting to meet with the team from Udi's Gluten Free. I'm so excited about that and my sweet Samuel thinks it is the coolest thing that I'm going to see Udi's. Love the joy found in almost four year olds. Make sure to pop by the Udi's Gluten Free Community where I'm a leader. :)

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.