learning to not worry.

Samuel was sleeping for almost four hours.

It was his afternoon nap, his usual long afternoon nap that he loves to take, that he actually asks to take. I had just returned from the Orthopedic Clinic and Whole Foods where I bought sorghum flour to make just one more batch of gluten free cookies with. Within minutes of coming in Todd questioned me about Samuel.

Is it normal for him to sleep this much?

A simple question, really. Yet, for me, the mother of a little boy who ran undiagnosed fevers for nine months prior to being diagnosed with Celiac Disease it was an unsettling question. I normally wonder about things, but when Todd starts to wonder about health stuff I pay attention. I remember, two days before Samuel was admitted to the hospital, sitting at the table and Todd telling me that he was worried about Samuel because he knew something wasn't right.

Um, yeah, I replied quickly, his doctor told me it will take years for his immune system to get to where it needs to be and he'll probably need extra sleep.

That was all my husband needed to hear. He was good, he trusted me, he trusted Samuel's doctor, and he was okay for the moment. He told me to watch it and keep track of the hours.  But, not me. I let that little bit of worry start to gnaw away at the mother bear in me. A quick facebook/tweet asking how much a two year old slept was next. Then the watching of the time -- pondering how he could sleep that much. Then the google search. Sigh, the google search which I warn people not to do. And I did it.

I crept up to his room, and opened the door the stealth like quiet way that I've mastered and looked in. He was peaceful. Sleeping with his arm tucked around his John Deere blanket. I watched him and then quick touched his forehead to make sure he didn't have a fever. He hasn't had one for months -- compared to the 3week cycle he was on before. And yet, there it was again.

Worry.

I came out of the room and sat down at the top of the stairs with my head in my hands.

I cannot live in worry.

I cannot allow a question about him and his health create anxiety and fear.

I simply must look at how good he's doing. At his energy, spunk, and zest for life. At his appetite. And how quickly he got over a cold -- when a cold last year would have resulted immediately in croup.

When I worry, I pray. I pray that I am reminded of the good. I pray that the cloud of worry is removed from my vision and that I can rest in the health that he has now. I pray for peace for my heart, and faith for the future. And I thank Jesus for the healthy little boy who climbs, and plays, and laughs throughout my day.

I want to walk into his room and not fear that he has a fever.

So when I walk up the stairs, I pray for a healthy, smiling Samuel to greet me.

Today, when he finally woke up at 5:48 pm I ran up to his room. As I picked up my little fighter, my Samuel, in my arms, I asked him how his sleep was.

Good, mamma, good.

As I hugged his sweet little body and walked down the stairs, the same stairs I sat praying on an hour before, I let that worry slip away.  He's good, he's good.

Thank you, Jesus, for today, and for the vibrant little boy who just happens to need a great deal of sleep. Thank you.

using time wisely.

Yesterday, I  was intentional with my time.

 Actually, to be very blunt, I was intentional with my computer time. I let myself on in the morning, and then I made myself close the laptop lid and walk away.

And I would only allow myself ten minute windows to pop on.

Then I walked away. Again.

And again.

And again.

It's amazing how quickly the computer -- and good things -- takes over time. A minute here, a minute there, a quick check, an email reply, a tweet, a facebook update. Time just keeps moving -- and I often end up crabby and complaining of "too little time" to get everything done.

As I sit here writing this I'm amazed at all I accomplished yesterday -- laundry, played some games, baked cookies, cleaned, deep cleaned the boys room {that deserves it's own status}, made a great dinner, went out to coffee, got groceries, and you know what? I feel good about how I used my time. I stayed on top of the most important -- my home and my family -- and I still was able to write and use my online time. Wisely.

Clock your time.

That's what I've been doing. Using the computer? It's a good thing. Using the computer too much so that your family doesn't see your face and instead they just here those in a minutes? Not so good. So as this year comes to a close and the new year looms on the horizon I'm aiming to be wiser with time.

Do the real important.

Let me read to my kids, and not just let them see me reading a screen.

Let me use time wisely.

we've been waiting.

This is my Grace.

She loves Jesus with all of her heart.

On Sunday, she danced for Him.

Tears are falling, hearts are breaking
How we need to hear from God

You've been promised, we've been waiting

Welcome Holy Child.
Welcome Holy Child.

That's the stuff that matters.
Not the presents.

Just Jesus.
Only Jesus.

{lyrics quoted are from Welcome to Our World by Chris Rice}

31 Days to Pray for Your Spouse Challenge

This January, I'm setting aside the month to pray daily for my husband. So often, I go through my life busy  praying for things that I want, that I think I need, and challenges. And, sadly, often my days blur by without my praying for my husband.

Then I complain.

About this or that or you're not doing this or I wish that would change.

But, this January, instead of complaining, I've decided to pray. Daily. 

I'm joining up with Ashley Pichea, from 31 Days to Pray and the 3in30, for a special challenge starting January 1, 2012 {can you believe it will be 2012?}. It's a daily accountability group -- where you check in, encourage, and pray for each other -- based around the ebook 31 Days to Build a Better Spouse.

I'd love for you to join with me. And please help spread the word -- imagine starting the new year with a group of women who are all praying for their husbands. We will be storming the gates of heaven on behalf of them. That's power. Real intentional power.

Want to join? And I hope you do. Here's how. 

If you don't already have it, purchase the ebook 31Days to Build a Better Spouse for $4.99. That's it -- the rewards for an ebook that costs around the price of a latte {yes, I know that latte price} are enormous! And from now till December 31 get the book for only $2.99 use coupon code FINDINGJOY  -->> click here to order

Then sign up for the challenge/accountability groups at 31 Days to Pray -->> sign up here

And if you'd like, feel free to follow 31 Days to Pray on facebook. There is a special download for email subscribers there as well. -->> facebook page

That's it. Easy. And, yet, so powerful and important.

Would you let me know if you join? 

I'd love to pray along with you.

Oh, yes, and would you join me in rejoicing today? Today marks the 6th Anniversary of my husband's cancer diagnosis. We have been blessed with six years since -- victory -- praise to the Lord! I am honored to pray for him -- six years ago I couldn't see past the current day, and here we are six years later. Praying for our husbands is a gift!!

And, one last thing, if you're joining you might want to consider becoming an affiliate for the 31DaystoBuild a Better Spouse ebook. Today, the launch date,  is a great time to spread the word about this awesome opportunity.  And, yes, my link is an affiliate link.

quiet

the last couple days

have been

a blur

driving 

running

cheering

cleaning

fixing

applauding

crying

laughing

planning

shopping

watching

exhausting

and today,

today is our last main activity prior

to Christmas

it's the children's program at church

and instead of being frantic

and rushing

and worrying 

if they'll remember their lines

or keep their shirt tucked in

or will stand still

i'm deciding

to instead adopt 

the quiet.

i want to listen

as the children 

as my children

tell the true

story of Jesus' birth

i want to be

aware

with a heart

that abandons the busy

and chooses the still.

let me 

remain in the quiet.

Glory to God in the highest heaven,
and on earth peace
to those on whom his favor rests {Luke 2:14}