to the out of breath mom.

That's me.

I'm the mom with just one more thing to do on the to-do list. I've got that running tally in my head of items to check off that seem to roll over to the next day and the next and the next and the next until I'm left with a gigantic pile of dirty laundry that's broaching on becoming the highest point in the house.

I race.

From here to there and back to here and then there and up the stairs and down and to the kitchen and out the front door and to the bedrooms and that laundry room with the pile of clothes and all over again back to here and there and then I rinse and scrub and repeat and do it again.

So often I live out of breath.

Motherhood is so full of living out of breath.

You too?

We look at magazines, books, blogs, and pinterest boards full of serene moments and yet, oftentimes, the only serenity we get is the 4.5 minutes where we race to shower while the cry of mo--o--oom is heard outside the door. Savor those seconds. For real. It's okay to condition your hair twice when you really need a break.

I'll look at my home and all the things I could, should, should have, and could have been doing all scream at me in the brief moments where I think I want to pause. I'll mull over slowing down and then the mom cry is heard again and the racing starts up.

It's tiring. Exhausting.

And yet, somehow, sometimes it is beautiful.

It's beautiful when you strip away the layers of exhaustion and fatigue and out of breath moments and look at the amazing power of what one is doing. That would be what you and I and mothers have been doing since time began.

We mother.

Did you hear that?

We mother.

We give of ourselves for our children. And so often that leaves us in that out of breath posture place for years.

But, it won't last.

There will come a day when we are sitting in our homes - our homes with the throw pillows exactly where they are meant to go, with a table with no crumbs underneath and no marker stains on the top, with walls absent of handprints, bathtubs without the piles of toys, laundry rooms without the missing Captain America socks, cars without carseats, cabinets without fruitsnacks, bedrooms lacking toys to trip on, and we will miss today.

You and I will look back on these out of breath motherhood days and we will miss them.

Sure, we probably won't miss the exhaustion or wishing for the freedom to roll over and just get five more minutes of sleep. Nor the time with a puking two year old who has absolutely no concept of aim except for your shirt. Or when there is mass chaos and all the kids need you at once and you're late and you've lost your keys and no one can find their shoes and your phone is ringing. That stuff? Well, that's just normal frustrating motherhood stuff.

We'll miss the little things, the little moments, that are woven into the normal.

Those rooms with the legos that you step on will be so quiet. There won't be little ones racing into the kitchen wanting just one more cookie or snack or asking and asking and asking what's for dinner? There won't be towels left on the bathroom floor or socks under the bed. No milk spilled in plastic Ikea tumblers. Little things.

Those out of breath things will probably become the beautiful nostalgic moments we remember.

It doesn't make the out of breath times any easier. It doesn't add hours of sleep. But it does serve as a reminder, a deep breath in a world of shallow racing breathing, that what you're doing, what I'm doing, right now, today, in your home or at work or in your car or where ever you are is an incredibly beautiful, brave, noble, and amazing thing.

You may not see it.

I miss it so often.

I see my mistakes - where I was too short, too impatient, too worried, too comparing (oh my is this a trouble one for me) - and forget to give myself grace. I look at the out of breath posture and I think if only I had this or could do that then I might not live out of breath.

Truth? Until the day when our homes are quiet we're probably going to live rather out of breath.

So rest when you can. Take care of you in the midst of mothering.

And celebrate the astonishing beautiful normal things that you do now.

The kisses. Hugs. Smiley faces drawn. Sandwiches cut just right. Soup made. Carseats buckled. Covers tucked. Prayers whispered. Juice pouches where it takes only one try to get the straw in. Books read at night. Rocking babies. Texting teenagers. Stirring sauces. Wiping tables. Picking up legos. Driving here and there. Telling I love you's. All of those things. Those life matters even in the out of breath moment things.

Breathe.

You are doing just fine.

And if you need a break - take a shower and enjoy your 4.5 minutes of semi silence.

After all -- little things matter. :)

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Today's photos? All real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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what moms do.

Last night I went to bed very late, put my head on my pillow, and had that moment of thinking that i didn't get anything done all day. Again.

I saw everything I didn't do.

I saw that instead of reading a story at night I told the boys to just go to bed and then I sat in the hallway for 45 minutes waiting for them to fall asleep.

I saw the messy kitchen - with pans needing to be washed from dinner and a table that still had remnants from our school day on it.

I saw the laundry that I didn't finish folding.

I saw the times that I was impatient, the fact that we didn't get all of our spelling words done, the fact that we're still struggling with multiplication facts, that the bathroom mirror needed to be washed, that I didn't finish my writing that I had planned, that I needed to vacuum the living room, that I still hadn't played the game with Brennan that he asked me to play two days ago, that the kids played too much media, and that my to-do list instead of getting shorter had actually gotten longer. 

So I rested there, at 2:30 in the morning, feeling just for a bit like I couldn't keep up. Measure up.

Then I realized - am I only letting myself see all the things I didn't do? What about what I did do?

What about all the what feels like a million times four times where I dealt with the inevitable mom cry over whose turn it was, over if one could play media, if it was snack time, and all of that? What about the dinner prepared - even though it was just spaghetti and sauce and beans - and the lunch prepared and the kitchen cleaned at least three times?

What about the times in the backyard?

Or sitting together on the couch? Or finding a shirt for them to wear? Or picking up toys? Or talking to friends? Or talking to a women's group who was totally awesome? Or when I answered emails? And on and on and on. 

How about you?

What do you see, dear mother when you look at your day?

Do you go to bed at night looking at your day thinking that you didn't do much?

Do you go to bed weary wondering if all this motherhood stuff really makes a difference?

Or do you go to bed, put your head on your pillow, and give yourself grace? Do you rest there and know that even if it wasn't perfect that what you're doing makes a difference? Do you see the amazing normal things that you do every single day?

Do you see the beauty, bravery, and strength in what moms, what you, do?

I challenge you to start going to bed and realizing that you do a great deal more than we often give ourselves credit for. You are a mother. You may work, work at home, work part time, stay home, or do a combination of all of that. But no matter what, you mother. You still have to get up, to love kids, to get them dressed, to make sure they're clean, to make food, to help with homework, to read, to listen, to deal with tantrums and attitude, to drive here and there, to wake in the middle of the night when you'd rather sleep, and to just keep going. No matter what.

When you put your head on your pillow at night that's what you should be thinking about.

You should be realizing that you are way more than enough and that what you are doing - those simple things that are so easy to dismiss as just a mom moments are in fact the most powerful moments in your day. Dealing with disputing children multiple times an hour is in fact incredibly draining. Who knew that much energy could be expended in trying to determine whose turn it is? Or the challenges in a four year old actually letting you get them dressed? Or in loving kids when you're simply super tired and you just want to take a break?

I mean, just this morning I've already dealt with a minor meltdown over the shirt choice (is it really that hard?), that one couldn't go outside when they wanted to, that there was nothing for breakfast, that one had to actually scrape their dish in the garbage, that the shoes didn't feel right, that one was annoyed that toys needed to be put back in the box, and on and on. And that was before 8am. And before my coffee had brewed. 

Those things that we deal with that we think are often just mom things are sometimes the most draining, most tiring, most oh my goodness I cannot believe I am really trying to reason with a three year old over shirt choice things. 

They're the real nitty gritty mom moments. The moments that are smooshed in with real life moments - the money, relationships, working, managing a home, and doing all of that real stuff as well as trying to convince the four year old that washing hair is good and that you won't get the water in their eyes and well, you know, mom stuff.

Don't dismiss what you do.

Don't look at your to-do list which probably won't get done until you're old and use it to qualify your day.

Look at all you do. All of your being a mom enough moments. All the times when you put the bandage on the knee, pulled the splinter out of a finger of a screaming five year old, helped your teenager with homework, folded the clothes and put them back in the drawer, buttoned up coats, talked with friends, sat on the couch and breathed moments in life.

You're a mom.

You're a mom with good days, bad days, awesome days, days where you want to race to the airport and take the next flight to anywhere, days with milk spilled, days where you feel like the queen of the world, days that are sunny, days that are normal, and just every day life.

In all them. You keep going. That's what moms do. 

See that today.

That's enough, brave mother. That's enough.


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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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How to Be a Better Mom in Five Steps

Secret: I've been waiting to do that title for months.

You all know me. I joke about how there isn't one parenting book out there that will teach how to master the art of motherhood in thirteen steps spread out over two weeks with just three hours a day spent at the low cost of $19.95. Nope. Not one. Not one easy program for becoming the perfect mother.

So what's with the title? What's with this Be a Better Mom stuff from me?

Well, I'm going to write five ways to be a better mom. But, it's probably not what you're thinking it will be. Nope. It's not about steps. It's not a program. It's not going to guarantee that you wake up tomorrow and that your hair is fabulous so you don't need the shower and that your go-to jeans look killer and your black top doesn't have spit up stains on the shoulder. Nope. It's not going to put the dinner in the oven early, nor guarantee that all of your laundry is completed and <gasp> actually put away in drawers. Nope.

These five steps are things you already do. They're the Being a Mom is Enough steps of motherhood.

Here you go.

1. Stop Comparing. Your kids need you.  You. You're the perfect mom for those kids of yours. I know sometimes you might not feel like you are or you might even be thinking how in the world you got stuck with such a crazy spitfire of a little human that refuses to ever stay in bed. Yeah. I get that. I've had those moments wondering why I'm qualified to teach, to raise, to train, and to be the mom to my kids. But, I'm telling you, that you, right now, are the mom that they need. Not your friend next door. Or the mom at soccer that seems to always always always have it perfectly together while you come racing in with your double stroller late. Again. (That doesn't matter. You made it there.) Not the mom on facebook with the cool fall craft and clean kitchen.

So, no more comparing. No more thinking that if I was just like her that life would be perfect. Nope. You are their mother. And they need and love you. Even if sometimes they slam the door shut to their rooms and yell I hate you. Even then.

2. Love yourself. Take care of yourself.  I know, kind of weird, right? But, it's true. You need to take care of you in this motherhood journey as well. Now, I'm not talking about the kind of take care of yourself where you count your shower as your free time. Wait. There are seasons in life where that is free time. New moms - I want you to savor every single shower that you get. Savor. Okay, wait, again. All moms - savor the shower moments - or at least the 48 seconds between knocks and cries for mom.

But, seriously, take time for yourself. And love yourself - value yourself. Cultivate your gifts, your talents, and don't let them fade away just because you're mom. Let them grow and let them flourish. It is so good for your kids to see you doing things you love and to take care of yourself. That's what they need to remember - not a mom who wore herself out completely. Rest is good. Laughter is good. Taking care of yourself is excellent.

3. Don't expect perfection. From yourself. From your life. From your kids. From your friends. Just don't expect perfection. Life is so far from perfect, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. In fact, I will argue that because life isn't perfect that is what makes it most beautiful. The moments where you discover your strength and your bravery and your capacity to love another person aren't in the moments when everything is smooth sailing. They are in the moments when you surprise yourself with this deep strength tucked inside.

They are in the times when you simply decide to give yourself grace and keep on trying. They're when you pull up your bootstraps. When you decide that even if it isn't perfect that life is beautiful. They're in the simple seconds of breath in between the crazy moments of stress. It's in simply being a mom and trying again and again and again.

4. Let Your Kids Be Kids. They are kids. They are not mini adults, nor mini-you's. They are unique, fabulous, challenging at moments, wonderful, crazy, energetic, emotional, crying, laughing, jumping on couches, learning, unbelievably cool, independent people. And right now, they are kids. They are learning what it takes to be adults, they are growing, and they need to be taught.

But they also need to be kids. They need to spend times making messes. Playing with paints. Running outside. Creating. Building. Taking apart. Laughing. Learning. Jumping. Exploring. Reading. They need to be kids. And you can gift them with that space - that wonderful space called childhood that can so easily be sucked out of the everyday by the busy demands of our culture. Let them be kids.

5. Celebrate the Little Things. My hashtag that I put on almost every single instagram that I do is #littlethingsmatter - find me at finding_joy - and there's a reason. Life is a collection of these little moments, these snippets of time, that when woven together creates your story, your life, your motherhood journey. It's easy to constantly look to the next big event as the moment that will make motherhood amazing or your kid's life fabulous. We all know those moments are fabulous.

But so are the simple moments. Looking at the stars at night and pointing out Orion's Belt. Letting your three year old dump the powdered cheese into the macaroni noodles and letting them stir. Playing in the sandbox together. Reading books at night. Being a family. Maybe your time is fragmented. Maybe you only have moments at night. Those times matter. Greatly. Your seven year old will remember the extra scoop that you put in the ice cream. Or when you let him stay up fifteen minutes later. It really is the little things.

Five steps.Here's a secret. You probably already do these things. Maybe instead of this being a post about being a better mom it's a post telling you why you're a fabulous mom. Or you're mom enough. (link) Or not to worry.

Onward brave mother. Onward.

Those kids grow. You're doing fine. One day, one mothering moment, after another.

What things would you add to this list? I'd like to put on there that laundry completed doesn't matter. And you? 

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Today's photos? All real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

Want to read some inspiring letters to moms? Grab my ebook with 21 original letters.

the real supermom. (she has bad days too)

Yesterday was one of those days that we'd classify as the classic bad day.

Nothing horrible happened, just little things, one after another, like dominoes crashing down happened.

Not much sleep the night before. Too much on the list to do. A dishwasher that's so broken that I hold it in place with a stool held with weights and if it's not secured well water leaks. Emails. Many, many, many emails. Mowing. My computer screen getting broken and thus making my computer no longer useable. Time spent trying to fix things. Kid issues. Kids going to bed issues.

Oh, yeah, did I mention the computer screen thing? On the computer where my book was stored and where I do all my work? That somehow got broken but I have no idea how?

Truth? Bad days happen.

Sometimes I think we as mothers need to allow ourselves the grace to put those kids that we normally look at with great love but who at this moment are pushing every single button that we have, including ones we didn't know we had, to bed and to let the day be in the pile of bad days.

Sometimes I think we as mothers put so much pressure on ourselves to redeem everything that we forget that sometimes days like this simply happen. In fact, as I sat in Best Buy with my netbook which held my Finding Joy Book on it I actually laughed a bit about my day. I laughed because just hours earlier I was on the phone with a dear friend of mine joking about how I needed to get my book saved on a zip drive in case something happened to my computer and then four hours later it was smashed.

The irony of the day hadn't escaped me.

Motherhood will have bad days. Not horrible days - we've all had those - but I'm talking about simply bad days. Days where the washing machine breaks, the orange juice doesn't make the glass, where you've lost track of how many counting to tens you've done and have decided to skip count now, where the permanent marker was the perfect choice for wall decorating and brother decorating, where the idea of a shower makes you laugh, where you decide bedtime is thirty minutes earlier, and where, well, when you finally put your head on your pillow you think - thank goodness today is done - in those exhausted seconds before you fall asleep.

These days simply happen.

They don't define. That's the absolute one hundred percent truth.

There is not one single parenting book on the shelves of Barnes and Noble that will teach you the forty-two secrets on how to avoid bad days in the next eight days. Not one.

You know what book needs to be there?

A book about normal motherhood.

A book stating that bad days happen and that they don't define us. A book that celebrates that amazing awesome strength it takes to survive the two year old who has decided that they are not getting into the shopping cart at Target and you've got a baby screaming in a car seat carrier next to you. A book about the single mom who gets up every morning, breathes a deep breath, gathers her courage, and walks down the stairs ready to do another day.

There should be posters showing real cool moms - those moms with a toddler on their hips, laptop bags over their shoulders, grabbing a snack from the fridge, as they race out the door. That's the real supermom.

Supermom isn't the mom who has it all together.

She's just real. With real kids. And a real perfectly imperfect life.

Supermom is reserved for moms who aren't afraid to admit that they had a bad day. It's for moms who can change a diaper with one wipe, can clean the living room in four minutes before the unexpected company comes over, who doesn't care that the living room isn't perfect, who makes dinner with the rice, beans, and whatever she can find and the kids love it - or hate it - but she still made it, who can laugh when she feels like crying, who goes to bed exhausted at night, who works two jobs, who drops that child off at preschool who cries for her but she bravely kisses her goodbye only to come back two hours later and find her smiling, who just, well, just keeps going in this adventure called life.

If there is anything I've learned in the bad days I've had it's that there is always tomorrow. Another try, another chance, another day full of opportunity.

Opportunity.

What a fabulous and sometimes forgotten word in our motherhood journey. So often we spend time thinking about all we should be doing or could be doing or should have done or could have done that we lose the beauty in the word opportunity. Do you know what opportunity means? It means that now, today, tomorrow, you have a chance to pull up your bootstraps and try again. It doesn't mean that it has to be perfect - it's just an opportunity to give it another shot.

Motherhood is full of opportunities.

Every day is another opportunity. So the bad day happens, but that doesn't take away the opportunity from tomorrow. Or the afternoon. Or the next minute. It's about learning, giving yourself grace, and letting your kids see you try again. Loving them.

It's not about making it through motherhood without the inevitable skinned knee or moments where you think you can't do it anymore or bad days. It's about trying again. Embracing the opportunity. Being brave.

That's the real supermom.

Onward, brave super mother.

*****
Today's photos? All real life live from the instagram feed. A celebration of normal. Find me there at finding_joy for more pictures of normal things.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.