what it would be to really live. embracing today.

A friend of mine died unexpectedly this weekend.

When I heard the news it shocked me. I kept thinking of all she was in the midst of - writing, being a mother, being too young. She was the person that I would have told you had years upon years upon years upon years to live.

How could it just be over like that?

It makes me think about life, about the shortness of our days, and how we really don't know the number that we're blessed to walk around on this earth alive. And it makes me ponder the importants and how one lives. Oh my goodness, it makes me look at my own heart posture and in some ways wants to make me grab myself by the shoulders and to give me a good wake up shake.

If I knew I had a year left to live how would I live? Six months? A month? A week?

A day?

Would I grumble about having to do the dishes? Or would I simply be grateful to do dishes and for the feel of the water on my hands and the sun glancing through the windows? Because now, now I grumble. All too often - about those simple every day things. And I shift around priorities making non importants urgent and uttering the in a minute too often to those I love.

I'd see mothering with eyes that no longer were jaded by the urgents created by the world. It would be this dose of perspective and reality that would make the word yes come more often than the word no.

I would want to read those extra books at night. Take the walks to the park and back. I'd want to listen more, to understand, and to learn. And I would want to make sure that I said I love you and that those words were understood.

It's easy to live thinking that we're invincible. Or at least it's easy to live forgetting the gift found in this day. And then we get reminders that snap us into the reality that right now, this moment, this day, this week, this hour - it's not to be lost.

But the reality of life can crush the perspective of the gift. When the finances overwhelm, the relationships don't turn out how we expected, and sometimes when motherhood just seems to bury us under to-do lists, laundry, and the never ending cry for mom.

Truth? I get exasperated at that constant mom cry so often.

I'll feel the frustration well in me and I'll snap back with short replies of just a second or can't you just wait or no one better say mom for the next five minutes and sometimes, most often it's just a little thing that they want. I lose that perspective of gratitude for the simple things when I allow the ordinary things to overwhelm.

Would I if I knew the finite number of my days?

Probably so, at times. Because I'm real. And I'm not going to sugar coat how challenging motherhood and life can be. It's ridiculous to think that there won't be off days or days when we want to pull our hair out or days when we've had it and we want to yell I quit even if it's just the dishes. But, and this is the perspective that I want my heart to stay, but I also know that despite the challenges there is a gift in realizing that life is a gift.

Fears about what to do tomorrow would be erased.

So often fear holds me, holds us, in spots where we're not really comfortable and yet we stay. We settle for it is as it is and lose sight of the beauty, adventure, and joy found in life. I wonder how many hours I've lost worrying whether I'm a good mother versus just being a mother. So much time spent wasted with measuring up or getting stuff done and so much time that could have just been spent learning, embracing today, and loving.

That perspective - how I wish I could keep it always - and how I wish it didn't take a tragedy, illness, or death to snap me back to seeing where my heart needs to rest.

So today, today I challenge you to step back, to take a deep breath, and to look at your journey and embrace the good and to live like your day was finite. Let go of the things that burden you - the ridiculous measuring up fallacies of this world - and instead love those that you love. Sit in the grass, watch the clouds, run with those kids, read the books, do the dishes thankful that you can stand behind a sink and can scrub away food that your family was blessed to eat, hug those you love, call those you care about, and give yourself grace to feel life and find joy.

Live today.

Embrace the little things.

That's it.

Off to tell those I love that I love them and to live thankful for the little things.

*****

This post is dedicated to Debbie Strayer - a beautiful writer, the author of the homeschool curriculum that our family uses, and most importantly, my friend. We've only met a couple of times, but have talked on the phone many, and I am grateful for the connection that we had and for the incredible encouragement she blessed me with. My thoughts and prayers go out to her entire family and the Geography Matters community.

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50 Amazing Things About Moms

Here are fifty AMAZING things that mothers do - those fun, rare, and incredible things.

Moms can...

1. Pick up objects with their toes.
2. Answer eight questions at once while talking on the phone and answering an email.
3. Count to 10 several times in a row several times a day.
4. Find a pair of underwear in a basket full of unfolded clothes in thirty-three seconds.
5. Make amazing dinners, or at least they seem like they should be amazing, with limited ingredients.
6. Push the gigantic cart at Target and turn corners without knocking over displays or small children.
7. Change a diaper, if needed, with only one wipe.
8. Use the power of google to find answers to homework questions that they have forgotten.
9. Laugh in those times when they feel like crying.
10. Keep going even on little sleep and no caffeine.

Moms make...
11. The world better with a simple hug and smile.
12. The definition of multitasking what it truly is - amazing and needed.
13. A messy living room clean in 5 minutes when they find that someone is coming over in 10 minutes.
14. The tears falling from a bad dream go away.
15. The most patient person in the world look like they are impatient.
16. A mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich with only remnants of both left in the jar.
17. Scary thunderstorms seem like nothing.
18. Running after a toddler a form of daily exercise and yoga.
19. The cutting of grapes in half and hotdogs in quarters look easy.
20. The most out of the seven minute naps that they are blessed with twice a week.



Moms love...
21. Art with pictures of mom drawn so carefully.
22. Beds that are made and clothes in the hamper. Or at least one of the two.
23. Moments of peace and quiet in the morning.
24. Those times wandering into Target hand in hand.
25. Those times wandering into Target alone even though they're just getting a couple things.
26. Flowers picked from the garden even though they were the tulips that just opened.
27. To give pep talks and rule reminders in the 5 minutes before their child is dropped off.
28. To carefully switch the cards in Candyland so the go almost back to the start one is never drawn.
29. Swaying back and forth while talking with others even after they are no longer holding the baby.
30. Family pictures even though only a portion of the kids are even looking at the camera.

Moms hope...
31. For the best for their kids.
32. That the coffee doesn't run out in the morning.
33. That they are making a difference.
34. That the baby will sleep at least 3 hours in a row at night.
35. For the day when they don't have to race behind the bike trying to balance it up.
36. That not everyone will get sick at once.
37. That there is enough hot water left for their shower.
38. That they get a shower.
39. For the perfect garage sale where they don't have to barter and prices are clearly marked.
40. That after 3 weeks of choosing the same video that their four year old changes their selection.

Moms are brave...
41. Every time they muster the courage to keep trying.
42. Every single time they get behind on laundry folding and then spend the next 4 hours folding.
43. When they say no to the dishes and yes to reading.
44. Every single time they go on Amazon Prime.
45. When they let the kids do a makeover on them.
46. When they say yes to the no mess and easy clean up fingerpaint.
47. When they invite their unexpected guest in, smile, & don't apologize for the real life living mess.
48. Anytime they start the whole potty training cycle.
49. Every morning. Every breakfast. Every noon. Every snack time. Every dinner. Every night.
50. Every single day of the year. Now stand up, take a bow, and salute mothers.

Onward Brave Mother!

How about you? What would you add to the list of amazing talents of a mom?

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

ordinary beautiful motherhood days

This week my schedule is a bit bare. Well, except for a pesky dentist appointment for me to get a cavity filled. At my age, which I'd like to think is still quite young. Sigh...we won't go there, but good grief, I feel like I'm twelve or something. Anyways, as I write this and look at a schedule full of white blank days I can feel this sigh of relief.

Less to do.

It's the ordinary day, really. Normal.

This weekend I was talking with friends about how easy it is to lose perspective on the beauty of normal until normal is gone. I shared about my post - why vacuuming should always be beautiful - and thought about how I, too, had lost sight, once again, in the gift of simply normal. It's so easy to let the simple things, the little moments, lose the true value of their importance.

Normal gets qualified too often.

It's just the dishes, just the laundry, just reading a story, just sweeping the floor, just wiping the noses, just running errands, just working, just doing this or that or whatever. There really is no just in front of normal nor is there just in front of mom.

Normal is ordinary. Normal is beautiful.

But normal can be boring, hard, annoying, challenging, tedious, overwhelming as well. There are still kids to manage, bills to pay, houses to clean, relationships to tend. It's normal. Ordinary things, ordinary days.

And it all matters.

When I speak about celebrating motherhood I tell a hypothetical story about how when I'm old and sitting on my front porch sipping my sweet tea (with lemon) with begonias around me (I must be moving from Minnesota in my projections of the future) that the things I think I will remember won't be the huge events - they'll be the little things. The normal moments in life.

I'll remember those days spent rocking newborns to sleep in the chair. The times sipping coffee in the morning listening to the laughter from littles sitting on the couch reading. I'll remember this is the best dinner ever cries or I love you's that I'm blessed with. And, I'm guessing, those are the type of  things you'll remember as well.

The normal, everyday, beautiful ordinary things.

Now, I'm not telling you to love every single moment. As I wrote on facebook this weekend I'm not ever one to endorse putting a faux smile on one's face and pretending that every single thing is perfect and one to remember. Sometimes sweeping is just sweeping. And laundry is just laundry. And motherhood is just hard. (Those are times to use just). No. I'm about being real. Authentic. Recognizing that there are days, weeks, months where it's hard. That there are times when motherhood isn't very likeable. That sometimes you feel like you're failing. And yet other times you realize how amazing you are and how much you matter. {those are all links - if you need encouragement - please read those.}

What I am telling you, today, is that no matter how you feel about motherhood, or how messy life is, or how fabulous today is, or how ordinary it is - that motherhood is a life changing, life mattering, real life giving thing. The reason for that image of me in the rocking chair with sweet tea (to which I would add lemon - I know, gasp - but I'm from Minnesota) is that it reminds me to see the beauty in the ordinary.

The kids don't see the perfect house or perfect mom or perfect routine.

They see the little things. The beautiful connected life type of things. They see you in the morning and take comfort in knowing that when they get up you will be there. That matters. They see the dinner on the table - they might not know the struggle you went through to make it - they see dinner. They know clothes will be in the drawers and if not that you'll dig through the piles of laundry to find that favorite shirt and the matching socks. They know you'll pick them up after class. They know you'll help with homework. They know you'll say good night and tuck them in.

Beautiful. Ordinary. Motherhood things.

And those things are life things. Life is beautiful type things.

Remember that today.

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10 Motherhood Secrets

I'm often asked what I've learned being a mother. And besides never running out of all forms of paper products at one time or to buy the gallon pails of vanilla icecream in the summer because you can use those pails for so many things most of what I'd tell you I've learned is from my kids. Through trial and error and tears and laughter and storms and sun. Life isn't perfect. But us mothers? We're amazing people - we just need to believe it - to start walking boldly through life wearing the motherhood badge proudly. ~Rachel

Here are ten simple things that I've learned in the almost seventeen years that someone has looked at me as mom. They're life things, secrets, I guess.

1. You don't need to know everything. Do you remember those months before that first child came in your home? I do. I remember stacks of books bought at Border's book (this was early internet years - there was no google for me - just thinking about that makes me wonder how on earth I did it - what did I do when I needed a quick recipe? A book? grin) that I would devour, underline, and reference. What to expect the first day, week, year, and so on. And I had this other one - this portable pediatrician one - that I'd scour symptoms making sure that my Hannah was fine. And she was. In fact, she's almost 17 and survived those early years of me looking everything up and calling my mother and worrying. You know what? I didn't know so much, and we did okay. We muddled through, and I figured stuff out, and it's been okay. So I've learned that even if I don't know it all that I'll be okay. And, honestly, sometimes I'd like to know a bit less. We live in a data rich information saturated world and sometimes google search can just stay unopened.

2. Listen first, speak second. My argument, my reasoning, and why I'm right seems to always play in my head when I'm talking with my kids. But, after almost seventeen years of parenting I've truly begun to learn the value in listening first - hearing their point of view - and truly trying to understand before I end up speaking mine. It doesn't mean that they're always right, but rather is this sign of respect for the feelings of their hearts. So I've learned - listen, listen, listen, bite your tongue, listen, and listen. This skill? Applies to all of life and relationships. We can learn a great deal by listening to others and shelving our agenda for a bit. When we bless others with attentiveness we get a glimpse into their heart and their importants. Those things matter.

3. The agenda doesn't need to be set in stone. Even though you'd sometimes like it to be. Flexibility has been what I've learned - adapt, change, recalculate - and to not let the adaptations taint my mood for the day. Raising a family, having children, and just living life has truly emphasized me the idea of grace and flexibility. If you can learn to laugh, and to brush things off, then your day will go so much smoother. Just pick up where you can, press on, and use the remainder of your day well. Instead of looking where things didn't go right look to what did. And often some of the sweetest life lessons and moments come in those times where you went off schedule and tried something new.

4. Others may not agree, but you can still be respectful. Us mothers can work ourselves up in a tizzy about all the different things mothers debate. And all of these things - vaccinations, education, etc - are all good things. Needed things. Remember? It's good that we're not the same - that's beautiful. But here's the deal even if others don't agree with you or you don't agree with them there still needs to be a level of respect. I expect that from my kids when they don't agree with me or with their siblings. As women let's hold that bar high and respect each other even when we don't agree. Our children are watching.

5. Playing matters more than the dishes. There has been so many in a minutes and just a seconds in my life because I've wanted to get those dishes done. You know what? They always get done. Inevitably. But sometimes, playing, and getting on the floor or throwing that baseball in the backyard matters way more than the pile of dishes waiting to get done. I have had to discipline myself to say no to those things and time and yes to my children. They need us there doing life with them. If you need to read more read Dear In a Minute Mom.

6. Start saying yes. Several months ago I wrote a post called Becoming a Yes Mom. My good friend Toni at The Happy Housewife has been doing a series of pictures called Today I said Yes to... You know what? It's easier for me to say no. I'm being honest. When I say no most of the time it means less effort, less work from me. But I need to say yes. I never realized how often I said no until I had children. Now, now I've learned that I need to start saying yes before it comes to the point that they stop asking. What can you say yes to today?

7. Chores are good. Even though my children might tell you otherwise. From a young age we've expected chores around our home. Nothing excessive, but keeping your room tidy, making your bed, putting your clothes in the laundry. My kids rotate with the dishes, and help with the garbage and help with folding. All of that is good. Our society needs kids that are taught the value in work, and that it is not always something that needs to have a dollar sign attached to it. Part of living in a family and in a home is working together to get it all done. So don't run from chores - incorporate them into your life. Now, the kids do get an allowance, but that is for specific chores outside of the general expected stewardship roles. Find the balance, but don't run from chores.

8. Optimism is worth it. Sometimes it's easier for me to be pessimistic and see all that doesn't work. But, when I do that I find myself scurrying around from thing to thing to thing. Optimism is worth it. It's an attitude, a heart adjustment, really. It's being willing to see the good before seeing the things that don't work. It's kind of like the listening before speaking bit - it's practice, but worth the effort. Optimism takes work and choosing to see the good, but living an optimistic life allows for many more finding joy loving the little things moments.

9. Choose {find} joy. It would be easy to sit and lament how hard everything was during the day. And you know what? Sometimes we simply need to do that. But do you know that it is also of utmost importance for our children to see us happy? Not all the time, but some of the time? Once a little one of mine asked me why I didn't smile much during the day. I didn't even realize that I had been so focused that I was kind of moving through my house like a bull in a china shop. I remember looking in his eyes and telling him that I was so happy to be his momma and he told me then I needed to smile. Mothers, smile at your kids today. Tell them you love being their momma even though inside it might have been a really hard day. Those words matter.

10. Tell your kids you like them. Remember how I said words matter? Well, let me tell you, make sure you tell your kids that you simply like them. Love is unconditional. Like is the word that tells them you like being around them, you like who they are, and that you simply like them as your child. My Samuel the other night was resting in my bed and he said, momma, I like you. Talk about melt my heart. Learn from that - take a minute and walk with your little one or your big one and let them know that you like them. Simple words, but very powerful heart words to cherish.



Ten secrets, ten facts, ten things I learned being a mother. Children are often the best teachers - their tenacity, zest for life, and unending curiosity inspires me to look at life through a different lens.

Life is good.

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99 Tips for New Moms

little tips, little things, reminders, simple moments to remember.
make sure to read why being a mom is enough

1. Breathe. You're doing a good job.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help
3. Date your pictures - especially that first year.
4. Write down what they say.
5. Voice record what they say if you don't have paper handy.
6. Take pictures of their hand in yours.
7. Dance with them.
8. Read the same book over and over and over.
9. Write a note in the beginning of special books.
10. Write the date and a note in the front of the first book that they read.
11. Let them pick out their clothes.
12. Don't care too much if their clothes don't match.
13. Let them run in the rain.

14. Let them splash in puddles.
15. Get them an umbrella.
16. Rock them to sleep.
17. You can never hold a newborn too much.
18. It is okay to randomly cry over life.
19. It is okay to cry over spilled milk.
20. Try to remember that it is just spilled milk.
21. Laugh and smile - your children need to see this.
22. Let them help you clean.
23. Let them help you cook.
24. Teach them to be grateful.
25. Teach them about music.
26. Teach them to appreciate nature.



27. Develop a bedtime routine.
28. Take naps when they nap.
29. Remember often less is more
30. Don't compare. At least try not to.
31. You'll worry, especially in the beginning, that's normal.
32. Keep your thermometer in the same spot.
33. Have an extra thermometer (or two).
34. Take pictures of little things.
35. Date their artwork.
36. Save at least a couple things for them from when they were little.
37. Take pictures of their artwork and save the pictures.

38. Save the first time they write their name.
39. Hold hands when you go for walks.
40. Remember to go for walks and play with them at the park.
41. Look them in the eye when you talk to them.
42. Talk to that little baby from the beginning.
43. Live a life embracing the little things.
44. Know that they will get sick at some point. That's normal.
45. Have a good friend you can call when they do get sick.
46. Find that thermometer or the extra one that you bought just in case.
47. Trust your instincts - mothers are blessed with them.
48. Get in the picture with your little ones.
49. Learn from Pinterest, blogs, fb, but do what is best for your family - they are beautifully unique.

50. Teach them about your beliefs, your faith.
51. Eat dinner around the table as often as you can.
52. Grocery shop on the least busy days.
53. There will always be something to debate in the motherhood journey.
54. Your decisions - diapering, vaccines, school, etc - are yours and you don't need to defend them.
55. Be involved in their lives.
56. Guard your family time.
57. Try to say I love you every day.
58. Let them fail as that teaches them to try.
59. Teach them to stand back up again and keep going.
60. Speak to them how you want them to speak to you.
61. Write them notes every once in a while.
62. Take pictures of their feet.

63. Let them see you reading.
64. Get to know their friends.
65. Get on the floor and play with them.
66. Take care of yourself as well.
67. Rest, get coffee, talk with friends and do things you love.
68. Make sure your car seat is strapped in properly.
69. Join groups and get involved.
70. Reach out to the new mom in the group.
71. Teach pleases and thank you's.
72. Model the positive.
73. Know that you will make mistakes.
74. Learn to say you're sorry, then move on and try again.
75. Teach the value of family.

76. Watch them sleep at night.
77. Pray over them while they are sleeping.
78. Take a picture of them sleeping.
79. Teach them about joy.
80. Establish traditions.
81. Rest in knowing that you are doing a good job.
82. Listen to them when they speak.
83. Write down some of their stories.
84. Save one favorite outfit of theirs to give to them.
85. Find balance in your life.
86. Know that you will often feel out of balance.

87. Try to savor the little things.
88. Don't be afraid to ask for advice.
89. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
90. Respect media, but don't feel guilt over using it.
91. Let go of mom guilt.
92. When you get behind just focus on doing one thing.
93. Speak well of your children.
94. Expect that they will meltdown in the store.
95. Understand that a meltdown does not define you as a mother.
96. Keep your own interests alive and cultivate them.
97. Record the really good days on your calendar.
98. Remember that this time will move in the blink of an eye.



99. And finally, remember that being a mother is a beautiful gift. And pajama days are totally acceptable some days. :)

Little things, simple tips, all celebrating the gift of motherhood.
What little tips would you add?

*****

Need encouragement? 21 of my Dear Mom Letters are now together - they are the letters about why you are not failing, why you matter, and what to do on those overwhelming motherhood days.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

creating more with less

Last week Thursday my daughter Chloe spent several hours in her little brothers room sorting through toys, organizing, and getting rid of ones that they've outgrown. She's like me - she finds that sorting and organizing a bit therapeutic - there's the start of the task, the work, and the peace in the outcome. Their room looked fabulous, clean and organized, with absolutely everything in it's place.

Begin Saturday morning.

I walked into the room to say good morning to Samuel and entered a room that looked perhaps as if it was never cleaned. There were castles, blocks, legos, imaginext guys (which the boys call bad guys), socks (from Elijah's search for the perfect pair of socks), little people, duplos, just stuff, and books strewn everywhere. Well, everywhere but next to Samuel's bed as all of those toys were pushed into a pile so that if he fell out of his bed he wouldn't fall on them.

What in the world happened in here boys?

(Yes, in that moment I forgot the words from days ago in the 60 You Might Be a Mom facts about asking what they made versus asking about the mess.)

Those were the words I blurted out with exasperation on that morning. All of that work. Gone. As I stood there looking in the room I started to think that maybe the problem wasn't that they weren't being good stewards of their rooms (and the fact that they are five and three), but rather that their room simply has in it too much stuff in it to manage. It's hard to keep things clean when you feel like you are bursting from the seams with stuff.

Less is more.

Maybe instead of cleaning it and sorting it and organizing it so that every single spot has an item in it I should instead devote time to getting rid of things, purging, and letting go. What am I teaching them anyways by keeping all of that stuff? Am I teaching them that it is good to hold onto things? I want them to be content with less, really. And I truly do believe that they play better with stuff. Somehow in the accumulation of more the ability to be creative and content lessened. Too many options has created lack of focus. And honestly, they'd rather cut up and decorate the large cardboard box that just came from UPS versus play with the piles of 1549 toys. Or at least it feels like that many.

So less is more. That is another one of my new mottos. (It fits with the one from earlier in the week about mom guilt and letting it go.) I'm determined to go through my house and purge the extra. I see it in books, homeschool books, clothes, odd kitchen gadgets, and the overabundance of not nearly played often enough board games. All of the stuff creates clutter in not only space but in one's mind. I want it to be easy for my boys to clean their room at the end of the day - not an algebraic equation on space solving and improbability in space management.

I'm not sure why it takes so many years to learn this, but it does. Holidays come and go and birthdays and clearance racks and gradually I'm creating a space with too much.

Less.

Join me? Join me in creating a less is more home? Over the next couple weeks I'll be sharing some of my decluttering goals. My goal for the next month is to decrease what is in this home by a good 30%. All of the more, the excess,  can zap at joy and take energy and makes me the mom who bursts in a room complaining. I'm going to create more - more space, more time, more positive energy - with less. The thing is - I don't want to complain about a home that is full of stuff and the work it takes to clean it. All of the stuff is really blessings - easy to forget - so instead I want to manage it well, be grateful, give away, and be wise.

Creating more with less.

One room, one shelf, one garage (ackk - don't get me started there) at a time.

****

For those of you in the Baltimore, Maryland, area I'm flying there today to take part in the Real Refreshment Retreats put on by Apologia. They're designed to offer a place to breathe for the busy homeschool mom, but are also open to any mother. If you're there and are looking for something to do this Friday - Saturday I'd love to see you. ~Rachel

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a letter to my daughters on life and beauty

Girls, I love you. First and foremost let me tell you how much I love you. I'm beyond proud to be your mother and to be the one who has walked beside you since you were little. It feels like it was just a couple days ago that we were wandering around Universal Studios and the goal was to find Spiderman and get our picture taken with him. And yes, just for the record, I did run after him making sure he'd stop to get a picture taken with my superhero loving little girls.

But, now, now here you are, almost grown. In fact, if it had been a hundred years ago or so you would be grown. In fact, again, if it had been almost any other time in history you'd be considered adults. I'm sure it has to be a challenge being in this almost grown and feeling like you're grown stage. Here's the bottom line.

I respect and love you.

I respect who you are and the beautiful women that you are becoming. It is an amazing journey to watch a child grow in front of your eyes. Time just moves and with it new things and new adventures. This growing up thing? It was inevitable. So, even with misty eyes, I'm embracing the next steps in our journey even though sometimes I think back with nostalgia and the little girls dressed in their princess dresses.

Even with that I want to tell you a couple things. Little things, but sometimes those little things can be the big things in life. Like this:  Your heart matters. I know that this world preaches a constant barrage of beauty tips, agendas, and expectations. I know that when you and I go to the grocery store that you see the never ending display of magazines shouting out the best beauty tips, and quick ways to lose weight, and all of that stuff. I know that right now on the interstate are two billboards within feet of each other talking about plastic surgery and liposuction and preaching that having that is simply the norm and that it needs to be done. Remember that one hundred years ago thing I talked about in the beginning? They didn't have all of that to deal with either. The world is trying to teach you that what is on the outside is the most important.

But, sweet daughters, that outward beauty stuff is simply not one of the most important things even though it is being pounded into the language of the world. Your heart matters more than all of that beauty stuff. That is fleeting. I know it doesn't feel that way right now. In fact, sometimes it doesn't feel that way for me. Sometimes I wish for the days when the only thing I needed to do was work for our family's survival - well, maybe not, but the focus seems better and more intentional. But now, now there is this agenda on women that wants us to believe a lie that our worth is often dependent on how we look and not what we do or who we are. Trust me, that's a lie.

Now listen to me - the world is going to try to pound into your head that you only matter if you look a certain way or act a certain way or have a big house or all of that stuff. But you are unique - you are beautiful in your own way. Your passions, your dreams, your interests, your heart - that is all important to me. You can come to me anytime and I will be there cheering you on, supporting you, and being your encourager. But you can also expect me to be real and honest with you and sometimes that might not feel great. I'll speak truth, my heart, but still respect yours. That's because I value that heart, that free spirit, that you have within you. And that's why I tell you about the elusive beauty lies of the world.

Someday in the next years you will walk out my front door, and it will close, and it will be the last time that you call our home your going home home. And that's hard for my momma's heart, but I want you to do that. I want you to have the bravery, courage, and steadfastness to walk into the world with a strong head on your shoulder and to be bold in who you are and who you are becoming. I know you can do it. Will there be bumps? Yes. Expect those, sweet daughter. But those bumps in the road don't define you and who you will become just like beauty doesn't define value.

I will always love you, my little girl.

Now, now we're in the golden years of parenthood, really. They are so beautiful. My heart is forever connected with yours, where ever you may go, and really you'll always be my little girls. And girls, remember those magazines at the store, billboards on the road, and endless barrage of commercials have no definition in the true you. You are an amazing person, unique, with gifts, and with a beautiful heart that I love dearly. You are my girls. You are forever my girls, my little ones who used to dance in the rain, twirl in the snow, and look in the mirror dreaming of the day you would grow up. You're just about there. Run, little one, run. Embrace life. Live fully. Live confident and with your beautiful heart finding joy.

And if you ever want to race in Universal Studios chasing after Spiderman again I'll be here.

Love you forever. Like you for always.

mom.

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don't miss motherhood

The title of today's post - don't miss motherhood - was inspired by a phrase that I wrote last week in the article the imperfectly beautiful motherhood. It was "you can miss motherhood looking for perfect."  As I thought about those words that resonated with not only me, but many of you, I began to ponder the idea of missing motherhood and a memory from years past came back. Joy in motherhood is possible. One just needs to be willing to embrace life right where life currently is. Be blessed. ~rachel

It feels like yesterday when I sat in my grandmother's living room with my newborn daughter, Hannah. This is my sweet grandmother who would love to braid my hair and hold my hands, who baked Christmas cookies for weeks, and who sat next to me and taught me how to play Pathetique Sonata by Beethoven. She's my grandmother who was content in watching birds from her window and loved to simply have her family over so they could be around each other.  Now, we were together, in her home, on a warm and muggy day in the middle of early July. I was there with my first baby feeling proud and overwhelmed and very much like a rookie. As I sat in that humid room, I watched my grandma look at Hannah with wonder and eyes rimmed with tears.

I don't feel as old as I am, Rachel.

I looked at her, my grandmother with hands that have lived, and I saw her holding my newborn's hands in her hands. She rubbed those little hands, those hands of my Hannah with an entire life yet to live, and got lost in a bit of memory. My grandmother, who less than two years later would die from Alzheimers and not even remember those words about life, and moments, and finding joy that she blessed me with, impacted my life. My motherhood perspective. 

It will go by fast, so so fast.

A sigh and a look of nostalgia.

Don't race through it.

Don't race through it. As the years tick by, and the calendars get flipped for a new one and a new one and a new one, I've watched my years of being a mother expand from just those months to now almost seventeen years. It feels like it was yesterday that I sat in that room on her floor and listened to her talk about time and motherhood and joy. 

It would be easy to miss a motherhood.

It wouldn't be intentional, but it could be easy. It could be easy to live thinking that when this gets fixed, or our home gets updated, or when we move, or when our finances are better that then I can be happy and can enjoy this moment in time with my kids. Don't make motherhood based on the context of things, events, or the idea of perfection  - you'll miss out on today. And I know that today might not look anything like you want it to look like. Today might even hurt, be tricky, be painful, and actually be hard to look at. But for those kids? They need to see you. They need you - not all the things that you think you need to give them right now, but you.  Don't put off till tomorrow what you could be doing today.

I don't feel as old as I am.

What true words. Words that have embedded themselves in the very impressionable parts of my heart and have defined my outlook on today. Live today like you don't know about tomorrow. Oh, yes, sweet mom, plan ahead for tomorrow, but don't miss today, and all of the beauty of motherhood, by racing so fast just to get to tomorrow.

For you see, tomorrow, tomorrow means another page turned, another moment passed. And today, right now, this very second is a gift in your motherhood journey. You don't know when the lasts will happen - the last time you carry them up the stairs, or they ask for the covers to be pulled up just so, Or they need you to make their pbj sandwich cut into triangles, or when they want you to hold their hand through the parking lot, or when they will want their favorite story read aloud, or when they will go out your front door not to return except to visit. Those days will come. They will. 

Live today as a celebration. Today, right now, like you are being given an amazing gift. 

Years ago, when I was a lanky eighth grader with frizzy and untamed reddish blond hair and a face smattered with freckles, my same grandmother wrote these words to me,

...that you may live life and find joy...

It wasn't until about two years ago, and after my site was already named,  that I found those words again.  She is right - live life and find joy. Motherhood is the same. Live your life, live out these motherhood years, right now in the midst, and find joy. The beauty of this embracing life is that you can start right now, today. It's not dependent upon yesterday, but your choice today, and then next, and the next.

My grandmother lived a beautiful life, not a perfect life, but a beautiful life.

Don't miss motherhood.

Live life. Find joy.

****
Tomorrow, in a follow up to this post, I'm sharing 7 Ways to Embrace Motherhood - they're practical steps and words about truly learning to live a life that not only looks for joy but loves the little things.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.