what matters as a mom.

Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and simply say enough.

Moms don't need to be judged. Ranked. Ordered. Categorized.

I think moms just need to be embraced.

No matter what the story.

Sometimes we look at motherhood at we try to define it based on externals. She's a stay at home mom. She works. She only feeds organic foods. She homeschools. She does this or that or this or that or this or that and start the again cycle and repeat.

Let me tell you - honestly, those things don't define motherhood.

Motherhood isn't about all the crazy things that we could be doing. Motherhood really is defined by what we are already doing. Sometimes it is throwing on our boots and going out in the cold and playing with our kids in the snow even when we have a million and five other things we could be doing. Sometimes it is about tucking our kids into bed at night, whispering prayers with them, and staying up late working so that we can pay the bills. Sometimes it is about being grateful for the food in the pantry, being okay with serving the applesauce, and simply doing the best we can do.

Motherhood is full of moments.

Little thing matter moments.

And these moments are those moments that cannot be ranked. They are the moments that each of us has in our every day normal. You have them. Right now. You have them when you wake, in the middle of the day, in the crazy chaotic times at dinner, and the peaceful evening simple moments.

Those moments are not dependent upon the external factors that sometimes we like to judge each other with. And sometimes that judging isn't even intentional - it's a judging we do ourselves and on ourselves. We'll scroll through facebook or pinterest and wonder why our homes don't look like theirs. Or we'll see the crafts, the projects, the cool glow in the dark things that we can make with thirty-two easy and not supposed to be messy steps, and we'll look at our stuff that we've done and we'll lose the power in it. 

There's no grading system for motherhood.

There's no higher level for completing 14 awesome craft projects with glitter by three in the afternoon. Or making meals that look like faces and sculptures so our kids will eat them (cutting bread into triangles is a cool enough feat sometimes). There's no reward structure set for moms that states that we need to compete against each other to achieve this ultimate hypothetical motherhood perfection ideal.

It's so enough.

You right now really are doing what you need to do. You wake up, you love your kids, you take care of your kids, you try to make today better than the next, you switch that laundry and fold those socks, you make the meals, you drive to classes and you give of yourself. Sometimes it's a giving in a life that is so far from perfect that it makes you want to throw your hands in the air and yell it's not fair. Sometimes it's simply a life that is simple and normal and peaceful and you wonder if this is all there is. And sometimes you are content, bored, tired, eager, joyful, and simply thankful - even if the room that you cleaned at nine am is a mess at nine fifteen am.



Motherhood is a rich collection of different stories from many different people. It's a beautiful tapestry of moms that work, moms that stay at home, moms that vaccinate, moms that don't vaccinate, moms that are single, moms that are married, moms that are divorced, moms that eat only organic, moms that love the convenience of boxed food, moms that are grateful to simply have food, moms with babies, moms with toddlers, moms with middle schoolers, moms with highschoolers, moms with kids that are gone, moms who homeschool, moms who send their kid to private school, moms who send their kids to public school, moms who simply need a friend, and well, we're all just moms.

The external variables don't define mom.

Let's stop comparing the differences all the time and begin to embrace each other for what we do. You need to do that. I need to do this. And on and on and on for each mom - unique. You need to be proud of who you are - right now. You are a mother who is doing awesome things in the midst of sometimes simple things. Or hard things. Or normal. Or so on.

Listen. For real.

Cutting snowflakes matters. Making pizza matters. Finding missing socks matters. Taking temperatures matters. Listening to stories matters. Writing notes matters. Driving to classes matter. Folding clothes matters. Counting to ten again and again matters. Laughing matters. Rocking babies in rocking chairs matters. All of that normal everyday motherhood stuff matters.



We all do that stuff. We all have moments with our kids where we just want to run around the house and yell and scream and throw our hands in the air and say enough. We have those moments sitting in the bathroom on the floor and we're holding a sick four year old. We have the beautiful moments of loving on our kids and watching them late at night and just being so grateful that we're a mom.

You want to read something powerful? On my facebook page I asked you all to describe motherhood in one word. And this is what you all said. These are the words that defines moms. They're your words and not mine - they're the words from your hearts. They're a beautiful tribute to the multi layers of moms.

Everything. Rewarding. Forever. Challenging. Blessed. Will. Hard. Adventure. Humbling. Adventure. Marathon. Grace. messy. Growth. Complicated. Sacred. Unconditional. Heaven. Breathtaking. Hilarious. Selfless. Chaos. Journey. Intense. Joy. Referee (that one makes me smile). Constant. Difficult. Gift. Balance. Wonderful. Inspiring. Complex. Love. Adornment. Patience. Exhilarating. Gift. Meditation. Endless. relentless. Fulfillment. Learning. Evolving. Unconditional. Emotional. Beautiful. Indescribable. Repetitive. Reward. Remarkable. Eye-Opening. Ministry. Natural. Pilgrimage. Lessons. Margin. Magical. Exhausting. Restorative. Journey.

(to add yours click here -> Finding Joy Facebook Page Describe Motherhood in One Word )

Bottom line? You are not alone.

You're a mom that is real. Enough. All of the above. Read those words from your fellow mothers. Mothers in the trenches. Mothers running victory laps. Mothers who love their kids who keep on trying. Real mothers. Just like you.

Right now. Today.

That's what matters.

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

25 Things I Want My Kids to Know About Christmas.

My facebook stream is littered with posts about the Black Friday craziness. There are youtube videos of people fighting over $2 toasters and people punching people and crazy lines and just this overall crazy entitlement to stuff. I don't mind deals, shopping, and having fun. I've gone shopping on Black Friday before and I love the deals. I don't love the pushing, shoving, and waiting forever for my Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks (it's always Starbucks, right?) But, truth is, it's just stuff.

Stuff that we're going to have to put in our homes and deal with and manage and garage sale and complain about and purge and clean and dust and take care of as the days pass.

So it got me thinking - what do I want my kids to really know about Christmas?  And because I started thinking that led to me making a list for my kids. Which I'm sharing with you today.

So here are my 25 Things.

1. In our house, Christmas is about Jesus. That first. The rest follows.
2. The stuff goes away. Relationships do not.
3. Always smile and at least thank the Bell Ringer at the store. Do not look away. Gather change beforehand to give.
4. Take time to slow down and appreciate the little things. #littlethingsmatter

5. Always say "thank you" to those working at the stores. And look them in the eye. And smile.
6. A handwritten note is always worth the effort.
7. Family matters. Take time to learn about family. To invest in family. To love.
8. Better to be less busy than to be crazy busy
9. The number of presents received does not matter.

10. Baking makes a mess. It also makes memories.
11. It's okay if the bottom of the tree is full of ornaments. Someday it will look perfect.
12. Christmas music should only be played after Thanksgiving until New Year's Day. (haha - my own silly rule.)
13. Traditions matter. Establish them. But always allow room for new traditions.
14. Even if life isn't perfect there still can be beautiful and joyful moments.

15. Give to others first. And giving back isn't just a December thing - make it a year long thing.
16. Sometimes the Christmas tree falls over. Fact. Just pick it up and try again.
17. Smile. Smile. Smile. And give others grace.
18. Cultivate and celebrate the spirit of wonder in little kids.
19. If other kids believe in Santa Claus and you don't - don't ruin it for them.
20. Always buy your wrapping paper after Christmas when it's 70% off at Target.

21. You won't get everything you want. Be grateful for what you are blessed to receive.
22. Write a Christmas list. Save your list. Someday you'll enjoy looking back at them.
23. Take time to listen to others and to learn their stories. So really, just slow down.
24. You can say "Merry Christmas" to others even if they just say "Happy Holidays" to you.
25. Be grateful. Be thankful. Love your family. And remember why you celebrate Christmas.

It's not about stuff. When we lose focus then this Christmas season has the potential to become this crazy hectic want to pull our hair out month where we breathe the sigh of relief that it is January. And you know what else? Remember number fourteen - even if life isn't perfect or what you expect or all of that - there can still be good and joy. It's the little things. Look for the joy, the good, the wonder, and all of that first.

What's on your list?

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the gratitude challenge. #littlethingsmatter

The little things matter.

Today, today on this week of Thanksgiving I am choosing to see the little things, the joy moments tucked in a life of busy. We talk about adopting it,  sweet moms, in the midst of our days - this finding joy posture of life. Yet, so often it's easy to live life on hold - waiting until this fixes or we have things the way we want them or until tomorrow - to let ourselves really live. I know, I've done it. I've lived on holding waiting for things to get a certain way and then missing out on the simple, beautiful, little things gifts found in today.

Let's not live on hold. 

Let's live today in the midst of crazy, normal, hard, beautiful, challenging, crazy, sad, ordinary days. And in that process of finding joy I challenge you to connect those joy moments with gratitude moments. It's really a matter of perspective. So today, today, we're about perspective. It's about slowing down in the middle of a season that has the potential to make us crazy with busy and us pausing to be thankful and grateful. It's a gratitude challenge.

This is my list of gratitude. 

I am grateful for little boys who wake in the morning, just a bit too early, who come to find me sleeping, ask if I'm awake, and tell me that they love me. And for daughters who love to cook and play games and watch silly reality television shows with their mother. And for moments around the table where we all just laugh and smile. And for the silly faces they sometimes make.

I am grateful for a family that loves me in the midst of the busy, who supports my book and speaking writing ventures, who cheers for me when I travel and cheers for me when I return, and who does the quick mom is coming home in thirty minutes let's straighten the living room clean. I am just so thankful for an amazing family.

I am crazy grateful for the abundance of gluten free food. Let me write that again. I am thankful for the abundance and always lowering of prices gluten free food. All of this gluten free food is a blessing and makes life normal for my sweet Samuel. And with that I am humbled to be a voice in this world for gluten free/Celiac Disease awareness. What a blessing to share that life can be beautiful and to bring a message of hope.

I am unbelievably grateful for dear friends, amazing business partners, and a team of people who believe in me and encourage me in this writing, speaking, and book publishing journey. I know, without a doubt, that their investing in me truly has blessed this process and helped in grow in unbelievable ways.  Friends matter greatly and I have amazing friends. Life is a grand adventure for sure.

I am grateful for the freedom to write, the internet, the time and space to write, and most of all the community of mothers that has developed in the process. Each email, comment, tweet, like, and all of that blesses me. But more than that, to see a group of women rise up and say I am enough is a beautiful blessing in the midst. I love the interaction on the Finding Joy facebook page - how it is a page, a place that is full of mothers who know there is no perfect, only real, and support each other and love others for their bravery.

I am grateful for the opportunity to travel to Haiti this past year. Traveling there shook my perspective, opened my eyes to real joy, and changed my life. I am thankful for the women that I was blessed to work side by side with and how they taught me to truly appreciate the little things in life. I mean look at that little face - he was thankful for so much that I had forgotten to see - I will simply never see the world through the same lens.

I am grateful for the little things - the sun that shines in the window in the morning and dances on the floor in my living room, the John Deere blanket that Samuel carries around with him, the red cups at Starbucks, the box of crayons that sits on my table every single day, listening to sweet stories from my six year old, the ipod with the Oregon Trail on it, my favorite black boots that will need to be replaced, warm gloves, coffee in the morning, and the gift found in normal. I am grateful for today. And in that, want to live today with joy.

Little things matter.

In the midst of the busy, my challenge for you, right now, is to stop, and to write down your gratitude things, perhaps ten little things that matter or ten amazing big things, down. It's easy to race through the day seeing everything we should be doing or could have been doing or forgot to do or need to do and to miss all the amazing things that we've done.

Don't miss the beauty, the joy, tucked into the crevices of life. It's the head on the shoulder moments, the I love you's that are whispered, the notes from a friend, the smiles in the store, and the moments where you just keep on trying, loving, giving, fighting, and still seeking joy, good, and beauty.

Ten things. Write them down. Share them with me. With your friends. Challenge them to do the same. Spread gratitude.

You can do it.

#littlethingsmatter

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the mom confession.

I am writing this in my hallway at the top of the stairs because my two little boys won't stay in their room and go to bed unless I sit up here at the doorway and utter words like go to bed and stay in bed now - I mean it and no more water and you will lose media time if you get out of your bed again until they both decide to give in, slip under their covers and go to sleep.

That's the truth.

I've tried charts. Bedtime routines. Stickers. Time outs. All of it. And I've resorted to working at the top of the stairs for an hour each night and muttering those phrases. I've actually gotten quite used to emailing, tweeting, facebooking, and writing with my back against the door to my room and my eyes constantly looking in their room to see if they're asleep.

(they're not right now... in case you were wondering.)

My life isn't all together. I've got my share, well more than my share, of ups and downs, fails and do-overs, highs and lows, and sitting at the top of the stair moments because I can't seem to think of something better to do.

I make boxed macaroni and cheese for lunch with the little powdered cheese.

We don't eat organic apples.

I buy my kids fruit roll ups.

Sometimes my kids play too much media.

I skip words, okay paragraphs, in long books at bedtime.

I don't fold all the little boys clothes because they just dump them out anyway.

My sock basket is rarely ever folded.

I don't like doing dishes.

My living room right now (which I can see because I am sitting at the top of the stairs) has throw pillows on the floor, papers on the couch, a lamp shade that's crooked, shoes scattered by the door, and a couple empty boxes waiting for the toys to be dumped back in.

My pinterest board however, has pictures of perfectly organized living rooms.

I love Starbucks and will drive there sometimes with the kids in the back and then I will take the long way home.

I get impatient with my kids.

And I'm normal.

My kids? Well, they're normal. Or as normal as kids who want every single thing fair are ever going to be.

Motherhood isn't based on perfection. It's not based on having gluten free (which we must have in my world) or whole wheat macaroni with organic apples and socks that are matched and never getting impatient and a perfectly picked up living room that looks like a pinterest board.

Motherhood is simply real.

Real with real moms who lose their patience, who want to throw in the towel, who have kids (like my Samuel who is now in the hallway next to me telling me he doesn't want to go to bed now) who don't stay in bed. It's full of moms who have to work who'd rather stay home. Or moms who stay home who'd rather work. Or moms who are simply tired with the every day same routine.

It's full of real moms who take their kids to the apple orchard and the zoo and the coffee shop and the grocery store and the doctor and to school and all of that normal stuff. It's full of moms who feel like all they do is the laundry again and again and if they see clean clothes stuffed in the hamper again they threaten to take them away and sell them (or maybe that's just me). It's full of moms who are happy, joyful, sad, overwhelmed, and well, let's face it real.

That's the being enough mom. (link)

That's my confession. It's not that I don't want to be better. I think at heart we wake up each day and want each day to be better than the next. That's why I celebrate pulling up the boot straps and trying again and again and giving yourself grace. (Don't forget grace. Ever.) Motherhood has moments of extreme patience, extreme trying, and really learning to not compare.

Motherhood isn't based on external markers of perfection.

Motherhood is an act of learning. Every single day. It's being okay with the fact that maybe you like the convenience of that boxed macaroni and cheese. You know why? It's because it's not based on what other moms are doing - it's based on you - on you knowing your family, knowing what is best for your family, and being brave and confident in what you're doing.

Motherhood, and in fact life, is often this journey of waking up and discovering self.

That's the truth.

So I tell you, you right now, you the mother in whatever stage of motherhood you may find yourself that you are doing just fine. You are doing fine if your kids don't stay in bed, you hate potty training (does anyone like that one?), your kids have melt downs in the store, you get exasperated, you sneak the last bit of ice cream for yourself, and well, you're just you.  Just keep trying, keep doing your best, and keep growing more and more confident in your ability to mother.

You know what your kids need? Of course you do. They don't need perfect.

They need you.

You, the imperfect wonderfully perfect for your kids, mother.

That's my mom confession today.

Oh yes, and we're having hot dogs and peaches and macaroni and cheese for lunch.

******

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

Want to read some inspiring letters to moms? Grab my ebook with 21 original letters.

to the mom with kids under five.

You're my hero.

For real.

My youngest is four. Four years old, and for the first time I feel like I can catch my breath again. I don't have to worry so much about him wandering the house and playing. He just plays. I don't have to spoon feed him, change diapers, potty train, have safety gates, chase him around on the playground, have him in my sight every second, and have some who cannot communicate back to me. I can take a shower now and not have to keep the door open and even though I still get the cries of M-oo-m most of the time it's because one of the boys is irritated that their brother took the Ironman Lego set pieces from the other or they're desperately in need of a snack even though they had one 14 minutes earlier.

When my kids were under five it was crazy.

It was me, the mom, not really getting many moments to catch my breath.

I know you're there.

You wake up before you want to wake up. You change diapers, brush hair, choose shirts and then are met with resistance because there's a tag on the shirt and so now you go and try to find the scissors to cut it off and by that time the baby is crying and hungry. You make breakfast for everyone, try to unload the dishwasher, the cereal spills, and the sounds of Disney Jr come from the family room that instead of being neat has piles of duplos and cars and toys spread everywhere.

And you want to do this right.

I know that.

You're looking at those creatures who haven't yet hit school and you're thinking that you have to do it right so that they're ready for school. There are crafts that you're told you should be doing and classes that will make you're child "ahead" and all of this tremendous pressure to measure up in this competitive motherhood world.

I want to tell you to not compete. Or to at least not worry about doing it right. Truth? Every single mother had to start out as a rookie. Everyone. There wasn't one of us who didn't wake up at 4:30 am with a baby wishing that we could roll over for a bit longer and wishing that breakfast would magically would appear or that SuperNanny would show up at our door and deal with the four year old who has all of a sudden developed quite a spitfire personality who now refuses to help pick up those blocks and hates getting his hair washed and decides to run off in the grocery store.

Motherhood is tiring. My post, to the tired mom, was published on The Huffington Post and received over 100k facebook likes in four days.

Four days, moms.

That's a great deal of tired moms. That's many of us knowing that we're tired but just needing a note that it's okay that we're tired. It's about a group of mothers who despite being tired just want to be acknowledged for those crazy motherhood moments that we plow through day after day after day. I'm here to tell you that being tired doesn't mean that you don't measure up in a hypothetical world of should do's, nor does it mean that you're not a good mom, or any of those worries that runs through your head when you are trying to teach colors and they can't seem to grasp the between green or blue. Or that your friend's child can skipcount and your kid is still stuck on fifteen. That's just real stuff. Kids learn. Don't let yourself get tired trying to compete to the crazy, and I mean crazy, expectations that can be pushed on moms.

Do you know what I celebrate about you? That you're not perfect. That you've had to learn how to do all the mothering things. That you've learned to make the best choices for your family in a world that will scream that this is the best and only choice and you have to sift through 48 different best choices.

I celebrate real.

Real. Authentic. Moms.

And because I celebrate being real I'm here to tell you this morning that when you have kids under five years old you will be tired. You will give of yourself more than you thought you could give. You will look at other moms and wonder if you're doing it right. You will have to learn everything.

You will learn your strength.

You will learn that you are brave.

For months and months and months I've been writing about the brave mother. Mothering little ones is an exercise in bravery. Don't argue, tired and awesome mom of little ones. You, right now, live a life where you are almost always dictated buy the schedule and whims of little humans that you love. They're the ones that you teach Memory to and only use six cards. You teach them to write their names with broken crayons. You cut their grapes, hotdogs, and prepare food that is safe. You wipe faces and hands and then later marker from the wall. You sleep with your ears not turned off so that the cry of the baby wakes you up. You say good morning dude to your four year old and they get upset and say don't call me that.  You slap your hair into a pony tail, push the giant cart at Target, order your lattes, shop the clearance aisle, know which cereals makes your kids crazy, know how to avoid walking by the toy section even if it means making your shopping trip better, and can balance a kid on your hip while finding a nuk while paying and smiling at the cashier.

That is amazing.

So you, today, in your home or at work or wherever you read these words of mine, I want to tell you that you will first of all get through these crazy years. You'll get through. Your kids will grow, they'll  start school and instead of flipping the channels between Nick Jr and Disney Jr you'll now spend time trying to explain the difference between a predicate nominative and a direct object. You'll have rules on media and curfews and will have to enforce sassy talk. Bottom line: you will get through. They will grow. And you will make it.

Breathe.

Or at least attempt a breath in the midst of the giving and cleaning and loving.

You are brave. Powerful. Patient. Inspiring.

Culture may try to make you think you need to be perfect, but I'm here to tell you, there is no perfect, there is only real. You, sweet mother with kids under five, you are the perfect real mother for those kids that can drive you a bit batty. I know sometimes you're worn, tired, doubting your own strength, or just want a break. That is normal. Do not worry. Just keep being awesome. Keep getting up, brushing their teeth, remembering to floss with those little dino flossers when you can, keep making lunches - even if it's boxed macaroni (link), keep driving to preschool, keep calling a friend, keep doing the awesome things that you do.

You are doing fine.

You know what?

You are more than fine - you are amazing.

You can do this today. And tomorrow. And the next day. And the next week. And the next year. And then, someday, someday you will look back and you will not only think that you survived but that you thrived.

Brave motherhood.

That's real. And that's you.

****

Oh yeah, and moms whose kids are grown or beyond the crazy under five stage - today would be an awesome day to tell those moms in the under five trenches how awesome they are and how you're proud of what they do. Those things matter. Send them this post, grab them coffee, watch their kids for an hour, or just simply give them a smile. Don't forget those under five years. #littlethingsmatter

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Today's photos? A mixture of real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

Want to read some inspiring letters to moms? Grab my ebook with 21 original letters.

lonely motherhood connected

I feel so alone.

Would you write a letter to the lonely mom?

I get email after email after message after message after tweet after comment and all again asking me to write about the lonely mom. Yes, the lonely mom. The mom, like you, or me, or the mom at Target who has actually mastered pushing the jumbo cart that needs blinkers and two weeks of training and yet, still feels alone. The lonely mom in a world of crazy social media connectivity.

We have facebook, pinterest, twitter, email, phones with us at all the time and yet, sometimes, I think we as mothers feel more alone than ever when hypothetically, we should be connected more than ever. We share status updates and like things. We add friends. We love instagrams and favorite tweets. We send texts with cute little heart emoticons and messages with clever quotes. We share our pictures, videos, and sometimes our hopes for the week. We update our lives and check in at places and take pictures of us smiling in a crowd.

Yet, so often, we feel alone.

Isolated.

Watching a world of information, perfection, could do's, should have done's, never-ending projects, vacations, expectations, fabulous dinners, cute homes, clever kids, and scrapbooks of life scrolling by.

Truth? I think the reason so many of us feel so alone it is that so much time is spent labeling and unintentionally competing and thus less time is spent embracing each other for who we are. And that categorizing of motherhood just might come with the crazy flood of information that we're presented with every single day.

But, listen. At the core, we're still all mothers.

Mothers who wake up often tired. Mothers with dreams. Mothers wondering if they're going to make it through the morning and toddlerhood. Mothers working several jobs and praying that the food stretches the week. Mothers with one child. Mothers with many children. Mothers who are worn out. Mothers who are content. Mothers who are married. Mothers who are single. Mothers who don't care what anyone else is doing. Mothers with kids that sit still. Mothers with kids throwing tantrums at the check-out lane in Target. We're all mothers painting different canvases of motherhood. Making choices best for our families. Loving our kids. Working hard. Giving of ourselves.

What if this constant stream of highlights contributes to the culture of loneliness that mothers feel? What if it's a disconnect between really getting to know someone versus only getting to know someone by the information that they share? There is a deeper level of intimacy with really getting to know the mom at preschool and sitting in the Starbucks that she instagrams all the time (haha...like me) versus simply looking at her instagram picture with the artsy looking caramel macchiato cup with the Starbucks logo turned just perfectly and her toddler who sat still for the eleven seconds it took her to take the picture.

When one gets to know someone more they see the mom ordering the macchiato and dealing with the toddler and hearing her share her story and seeing tears sometimes well in the corner of her eyes as she talks about being overwhelmed with the toddler who sat still only for the eleven seconds it took to take the instagram.

The frenzy of social can add layers of should have's, could have's, why didn't I do that's, and other unneeded expectations on our lives. It's fabulous to share, to be social, but in that sharing and reading other's lives we also need to remember that it's only a snapshot of the entire canvas, the entire story, of another person.

Do you know what matters at the deep core level? It's the bond of motherhood. It's the bond of being brave even when sometimes we're scared out of our minds and don't know what to do with those kids that we love unconditionally. It's the connection of giving of self - losing sleep, counting to ten, praying for peace, driving here and there, teaching them how to thrive as adults - while we live our lives as mother day by day teaching them, those kids, the skills and the courage to leave our homes.

We're not raising kids to make ourselves look like super moms.

We are instead blessed with the awesome responsibility of teaching and training and loving and guiding the kids who we love to be adults. And that's motherhood.

If we as women, as mothers recognize the potential for loneliness in what appears to be a very socially connected world, then we have a responsibility. Not to try to keep up with everything that we think would make us be a perfect mother but rather the responsibility to be real, to reach out to the other moms, to open our doors into our lives and not worry that everything isn't exactly right or that we have different opinions on parenting topics but to rather embrace each other simply for who we are as mothers.

Motherhood isn't meant to be journeyed alone.

Let's celebrate real. Let's celebrate our differences and the fact that we can learn from others.

Let's connect motherhood. One phone call. One five extra minutes spent talking in the doorway. One trip to Starbucks. One message telling a friend how much they matter to you and how grateful you are to have them as a friend. Let's create a community, a culture of women that decides to strip away the layers of unneeded defining expectations of motherhood and let's instead start to celebrate the little things in life. The moments of bravery and teaching and brushing off the dust and trying again. The times spent together learning about others.

It's about real heart connections. And being okay with not having the perfect life but instead opening up your life, your home, your heart to another. So to you, all the moms that have emailed me telling me you feel so very alone in this world of motherhood, I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many moms feeling this way. You and I and the next mom and the mom on facebook and on my finding joy facebook page we all can work to change that loneliness. Let's be real. Let's linger a bit more, sit with coffee, and not worry about measuring up but rather invest in each other's lives.

Motherhood is beautiful. And motherhood is a journey meant to be shared.

So today, today I challenge you to do one thing to connect with another mom. One thing. A phone call. A smile at Starbucks (do you feel a theme with me and Starbucks?). Meeting at the park. Open your life.

Lonely motherhood connected. #littlethingsmatter

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Today's photos? A mixture of real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

Want to read some inspiring letters to moms? Grab my ebook with 21 original letters.

to the frazzled mom.

Who really is the normal mom because we've all had those moments of feeling frazzled.

Maybe it's because motherhood feels so often like this crazy journey of being one step behind all the time and the word frazzled seems to embody what it's like some days. Oh yes, there are days that are amazing, peaceful, and simply normal, but there are also days when bedtime feels like an eternity away and that our to-do list could earn it's own spot on wikipedia and when our best friend is the barista at Starbucks. (Wait, make friends with them...I did with mine and they're awesome ... love you, Nancy, Toni, and Lake.)

I'm writing to you, the mom that simply feels frazzled, if even for a moment in the middle of the day, because I want you to know that you're not alone. I think it's impossible to make it through this crazy journey of raising little humans to be independent adults and not have a moment or two or twenty or a hundred where one is feeling slightly overwhelmed and frazzled.

Frazzled isn't bad, it's just being honestly, well, part of normal. I mean look at the portrait my four year old drew of me. Crazy cool hair, running, eyes that have had their limit of coffee, and well, you got it - a mom.

Normal. Normal has amazing days where you feel like Kate Perry and want to roar. Normal has days where you want the gold star for simply making it to nap time. Normal is working, teaching, driving, cleaning, wiping noses, hanging clothes, and plowing through life. Normal for me is different from your normal which is different from your best friend's normal which is just normal. Motherhood is this collection of cool stories of normal.

So I'm writing, to you, right now, the mom who answers to the what feels like 482 cries of mom - just in the morning. Alone. You're the one who deals with debates over who gets the blue crayon, who helps find the missing shoe when you're late, scours Target for Halloween clearance costumes at 90% off, who makes dinner that so often is met with yucks, who works hard, and goes to bed utterly exhausted, and well, sometimes you might be frazzled. Just a bit.

I wish I could give your fourteen steps to make you slow down, breathe, and release the frazzled feelings of motherhood. But, I can't. Not unless we want to completely step away from the crazy and frantic world that we live in. Our world is a world of speed, changes, updates, and unbelievable expectations.  Our world is full of news, ideas, things to do, things to not do, airbrushing, miracle cures, easy steps to success, projects, pins, status updates, and commercials that all compete for the definition of what is normal and what is expected.

I'm not sure where these expectations come from and how so often it's easy to let all these external things that shout at the definition of motherhood success define motherhood. There is no manual for being the perfect mom - there is no grading system for moms - and yet, yet so often I think you and I live in this world where we feel that motherhood is measured and graded. There is no grading of motherhood.

There is just real life.

Real stories. Real moms. Real normals.

There is the real life that involves sick kids (oh, how I despise cold and flu season. Now is the time that I want to buy the big vat of hand sanitizer and bathe my kids in it daily). Real life that involves dishwashers that break, cars that need brakes, seasonal clothes that need to be switched, runny noses that need to be wiped, toys to be sorted, bills to be paid, and all of that stuff that is so so normal.

And there's you. In the midst of it all, feeling frazzled and tired and sometimes a bit overwhelmed with this mothering journey. It's easy to think that there's this ideal - this supermom - that is attainable if only we would just do this or organize this way or make this cool project or have our kids in these classes and all of that. Those are just externals. They don't qualify or grade motherhood.

Sometimes motherhood is just hard frazzled feeling days.

Yet, we love our kids. We love those kids that keep us up at night, the ones we rock to sleep, the ones who decide that they aren't going to pick up the toys and we sit in the room and negotiate with them for way too long, the ones who think we're dumb, the ones who dump out the toys that we just put away.

Real motherhood.

Real motherhood is an exercise in bravery.  In Starbucks latte loving. In patience, problem solving, and loving another person who drives you a bit crazy at times. It's in remembering that the other moms at preschool, pta, co-op, grocery store, and everyone who looks like they have it all together still have to go home and deal with the mom stuff that can make us all feel frazzled.

So, to you, today, I want you to remember a couple things. First, you might not hear the words thank you or you're amazing or you're the best mom ever or I appreciate all you do for a very very long time. Just because you don't hear them doesn't mean you don't matter. In fact, I'm telling them to you right now.

Thank you.

Thank you for getting up in the middle of the night even when you're exhausted and just want to pull the covers over your head. Thank you for helping with long division. Thank you for making oatmeal in the morning and scrubbing bowls with dried oatmeal on them that should have been rinsed immediately. Thank you for pulling out the mittens, hats, and snowpants and then spending ten minutes getting little ones ready to go outside who only play for eight minutes. Thank you for the countless visits to the doctor's office and holding puke buckets and taking temperatures and holding little ones who don't feel well. Thank you for helping with homework, folding socks, making dinners, and driving everywhere even without the taxi sign on your car.

Thank you, sometimes feeling frazzled mom, for all you do. For being a mom. For living in a world that so quickly wants to grade you on hypothetical externals that don't really matter. That stuff doesn't matter. You and your kids matter. That's the important.

You matter.

Not because of all of these ideas of mom success but simply because you are enough.

You, when you love your kids and keep trying and keep loving and remember grace and to laugh and simply being a mom is what truly makes a difference. It's the life difference.

So dear frazzled mom, today, today pull that frazzled hair into a pony tail, and keep being awesome.

That's exactly what you are.

******

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Today's photos? A mixture of real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy and pics used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

Want to read some inspiring letters to moms? Grab my ebook with 21 original letters.

to the mom with a lemonade life story.

(By the way, I think we all have and share that kind of story...)

You know that phrase when life hands you lemons make lemonade?

Well, I think that goes for most of life. Motherhood included.

Right now, there's you, in the midst of your journey. You're the mom in your home or at work or sitting in the doctor's office or taking a walk in probably a life dotted with lemon moments. They are those things that sometimes we'd love to brush under the rug like my kids do when they sweep the floor - oh yeah, I've seen it. Sometimes we don't like to talk about those lemon things in our lives - the relationships that we thought would be forever that slowly crumbled under our feet or the fact that the bank account most days is in the red or there's sickness or struggles or that sometimes we wonder if we're really cut out for this motherhood thing. It's easy to try hide.

It's easy to think we are the only one who is mothering in a life that really isn't the life that we pictured.

Do you remember thinking about life and motherhood when you were young?

Did you picture motherhood for what it really is most days? Most days of doing the same thing over and over and over again. Days of dealing with toddlers who don't like the shirts with tags or stripes or with the lion on front and you find yourself in the midst of complex shirt negotiations when you're late. There are days of scrubbing peanut butter out of the carpet and googling how to get crayon out of clothes that ran through the dryer and staying up late trying to convince the eleven year old to fix that paragraph on their report on a favorite historical figure. There are moments trying to navigate Target while pushing the gigantic cart while searching for the noodles for dinner while the toddler decides to have a meltdown (and yes, you're not alone, all kids have a meltdown at some point - to you I say - carry on supermom.) There are moments with broken strings and permanent markers and crazy moments managing.

Then there's you. Hoping for a shower or a break or for just one night where the kids all go to bed. And smashed into all the mothering things are those doubts - the wonderings if your kids are going to turn out okay because you didn't get them into ballet or soccer or taekwondo when they were three (trust me, they'll be fine). Or you hoping that you're doing enough or you hoping for just a moment to take a break.

And then there are those lemon moments in life. The hard stuff that so easily could paint the story that you're living into shades of gray. But, the truth is that the lemons and those hard moments are what makes your story yours. It's where you learn about bravery, strength, courage, tenacity, and that yes, to only give the three year old two shirt options when you're late. Or, honestly, no shirt options at all - then opt for the tag free striped shirt with the lion on front.

Life is lemonade.

It's a mixture of those challenging moments when we're pushed to the brink of ourselves mixed with sweet moments where our kids are perfect mixed with ordinary, plain, pull the wash out of the dryer and fold the clothes days. There are times where we sit out on the front porch with tears streaming from our face looking at the stars at night and simply praying for strength for tomorrow. There are times when we are brave and make the tough choices even though the whole world might think we're crazy.

It's in motherhood too. It the times when we choose to count to twenty again and again and again and then we up it to counting to thirty. It's in the moments where the door is slammed on our faces and we wonder why in the world we're doing this crazy thing called motherhood. It's in the times we pace and walk and deal with that colicky baby who doesn't resemble the sweet newborn we thought we would have.

But it's also so sweet.

Let's not forget those moments - they're the moments in the mix of life that makes your story laced with moments of beauty. It's in the sweet I love you momma moments. Or the times where we choose to rock our preschooler in the morning and put the phone down (Read this short story I put up on the finding joy facebook page - it has already over 60k views). It's in the art projects, talks in the car, ice cream treats late at night, stories read, and hands wiped. It's in the kids cuddled on the couch reading together. It's in the text messages from our teens saying thank you.

The little things.

A lemonade life story isn't bad, sweet mother. It's normal. It's your story, your amazing story that you're writing right now. Right now, this is your life, and your journey. You could compare it to me or to the other commenter on facebook or your neighbor next door but all that comparing has the potential to make you less content with you. Don't compare. Learn. Your story is beautiful and unique and yours. Even if it isn't perfect.

It can be easy to wonder how did this become my story ? I know. I've asked it.

You know what? Let's not ask that question anymore. Do you know why? Because you are blessed with now. Today. Maybe the past is full of lemons. Hard things. Times when you felt like you deserved the bad mom of the day or the week mother status (let me tell you in January I'll be writing about those things - kids cooped in the house with negative temps outside pushes a mother to her limits). But here's the deal - those things are in the past. Learn from them. Grow. And yet embrace today.

I'm not joking.

Embrace today.

If you never read my words again the one thing I would want you to leave this site is with the idea of embracing today. Loving the little things - finding joy in the moments - that you are blessed with in the middle of today. It's not those gigantic cool things that we think motherhood could be about. It's in the eleven seconds when you stand at the bedroom door and watch your ten year old sleep - the ten year old who you battled with all day and yet love with all of your heart. Or when your five year old pats your hand and tell you he loves you. Or when no one complains about dinner (that's a moment - savor it). Or when a friend calls you out of the blue to just say hello. Or when you're told I love you. Or when your kids just want to be around you.

Little. Things. Matter.

Celebrate them with me. Live your lemonade life grateful because right now, at this moment, what you are doing in your imperfect life makes a life difference to your kids. They need you, their mom, their not so perfect but very real mom who is living a lemonade life story.

That's the beautiful truth.

From me, one mom living a lemonade life and still loving the little things, to you.

*****
to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Today's photos? A mixture of real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy and pics used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

Want to read some inspiring letters to moms? Grab my ebook with 21 original letters.