what matters as a mom.

Sometimes I just want to throw my hands in the air and simply say enough.

Moms don't need to be judged. Ranked. Ordered. Categorized.

I think moms just need to be embraced.

No matter what the story.

Sometimes we look at motherhood at we try to define it based on externals. She's a stay at home mom. She works. She only feeds organic foods. She homeschools. She does this or that or this or that or this or that and start the again cycle and repeat.

Let me tell you - honestly, those things don't define motherhood.

Motherhood isn't about all the crazy things that we could be doing. Motherhood really is defined by what we are already doing. Sometimes it is throwing on our boots and going out in the cold and playing with our kids in the snow even when we have a million and five other things we could be doing. Sometimes it is about tucking our kids into bed at night, whispering prayers with them, and staying up late working so that we can pay the bills. Sometimes it is about being grateful for the food in the pantry, being okay with serving the applesauce, and simply doing the best we can do.

Motherhood is full of moments.

Little thing matter moments.

And these moments are those moments that cannot be ranked. They are the moments that each of us has in our every day normal. You have them. Right now. You have them when you wake, in the middle of the day, in the crazy chaotic times at dinner, and the peaceful evening simple moments.

Those moments are not dependent upon the external factors that sometimes we like to judge each other with. And sometimes that judging isn't even intentional - it's a judging we do ourselves and on ourselves. We'll scroll through facebook or pinterest and wonder why our homes don't look like theirs. Or we'll see the crafts, the projects, the cool glow in the dark things that we can make with thirty-two easy and not supposed to be messy steps, and we'll look at our stuff that we've done and we'll lose the power in it. 

There's no grading system for motherhood.

There's no higher level for completing 14 awesome craft projects with glitter by three in the afternoon. Or making meals that look like faces and sculptures so our kids will eat them (cutting bread into triangles is a cool enough feat sometimes). There's no reward structure set for moms that states that we need to compete against each other to achieve this ultimate hypothetical motherhood perfection ideal.

It's so enough.

You right now really are doing what you need to do. You wake up, you love your kids, you take care of your kids, you try to make today better than the next, you switch that laundry and fold those socks, you make the meals, you drive to classes and you give of yourself. Sometimes it's a giving in a life that is so far from perfect that it makes you want to throw your hands in the air and yell it's not fair. Sometimes it's simply a life that is simple and normal and peaceful and you wonder if this is all there is. And sometimes you are content, bored, tired, eager, joyful, and simply thankful - even if the room that you cleaned at nine am is a mess at nine fifteen am.



Motherhood is a rich collection of different stories from many different people. It's a beautiful tapestry of moms that work, moms that stay at home, moms that vaccinate, moms that don't vaccinate, moms that are single, moms that are married, moms that are divorced, moms that eat only organic, moms that love the convenience of boxed food, moms that are grateful to simply have food, moms with babies, moms with toddlers, moms with middle schoolers, moms with highschoolers, moms with kids that are gone, moms who homeschool, moms who send their kid to private school, moms who send their kids to public school, moms who simply need a friend, and well, we're all just moms.

The external variables don't define mom.

Let's stop comparing the differences all the time and begin to embrace each other for what we do. You need to do that. I need to do this. And on and on and on for each mom - unique. You need to be proud of who you are - right now. You are a mother who is doing awesome things in the midst of sometimes simple things. Or hard things. Or normal. Or so on.

Listen. For real.

Cutting snowflakes matters. Making pizza matters. Finding missing socks matters. Taking temperatures matters. Listening to stories matters. Writing notes matters. Driving to classes matter. Folding clothes matters. Counting to ten again and again matters. Laughing matters. Rocking babies in rocking chairs matters. All of that normal everyday motherhood stuff matters.



We all do that stuff. We all have moments with our kids where we just want to run around the house and yell and scream and throw our hands in the air and say enough. We have those moments sitting in the bathroom on the floor and we're holding a sick four year old. We have the beautiful moments of loving on our kids and watching them late at night and just being so grateful that we're a mom.

You want to read something powerful? On my facebook page I asked you all to describe motherhood in one word. And this is what you all said. These are the words that defines moms. They're your words and not mine - they're the words from your hearts. They're a beautiful tribute to the multi layers of moms.

Everything. Rewarding. Forever. Challenging. Blessed. Will. Hard. Adventure. Humbling. Adventure. Marathon. Grace. messy. Growth. Complicated. Sacred. Unconditional. Heaven. Breathtaking. Hilarious. Selfless. Chaos. Journey. Intense. Joy. Referee (that one makes me smile). Constant. Difficult. Gift. Balance. Wonderful. Inspiring. Complex. Love. Adornment. Patience. Exhilarating. Gift. Meditation. Endless. relentless. Fulfillment. Learning. Evolving. Unconditional. Emotional. Beautiful. Indescribable. Repetitive. Reward. Remarkable. Eye-Opening. Ministry. Natural. Pilgrimage. Lessons. Margin. Magical. Exhausting. Restorative. Journey.

(to add yours click here -> Finding Joy Facebook Page Describe Motherhood in One Word )

Bottom line? You are not alone.

You're a mom that is real. Enough. All of the above. Read those words from your fellow mothers. Mothers in the trenches. Mothers running victory laps. Mothers who love their kids who keep on trying. Real mothers. Just like you.

Right now. Today.

That's what matters.

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

13 Mom Truths

1. Your house is not a reflection of your parenting skills. You know what I'm talking about. It's 2:28 in the afternoon and there's a knock on your door and your house isn't perfect. Open the door. Welcome your friend in. Don't apologize for whatever it looks like in your home. Show them you're real. And remember your house isn't a reflection of your parenting skills. It's just a house - big, small, neat, cluttered, tidy, organized, whatever - that doesn't matter. What matters is you - mothering, teaching, and loving your kids.

2. Sometimes you just need to read the same book over and over again. Or teach the same truth over and over again. Or deal with the same discipline issue. Or wash the dishes (ha) again. Parenting involves a great deal of repetition. And sometimes the repetition is needed. For instance? The book reading? Kids need to hear the same one again - they recognize the nuances in the story and it's how the learn. And you? You can add that book to your books known by memory. And discipline stuff? Well it takes work. Don't give up. Just keep going.

3. Melt downs in the store happen. Just the other day while I was at Target I observed the pinnacle of child meltdowns happen. Screaming, tantrum throwing, and the whole shebang wrapped up in what appeared to be a spitfire of a four year old. And the mom? Gritting her teeth, moving calmly, putting the massive cart away, and buckling the child in. All I could think was you go mom - keep your head high. You all know they happen, guys. When they do, don't judge. Encourage.

4. You will be tired. Want me to explain this one? Probably not. Grab your coffee or chai tea or energy drink or green drink or whatever you need and rock on mom. You can do this.

5. Some days will be tedious. Other days normal. Other days challenging. Other days amazing. Motherhood is like a rollercoaster rides of days. And often those feelings can happen in the midst of the normal day. You may start out feeling like you're the queen of motherhood only to have the rug pulled out from underneath you at 8:34 am and you're ready to call in back up. Just like your house doesn't define you your days don't define. It's the constant movement that matters. And loving your kids.

6. Kids get sick. This. Especially for you new moms out there. Our kids get sick. It just happens and when it does we just deal with it. I'm still telling you though - it's an art to deal with a vomiting no aim two year old. Or to stay up all night with one with an ear ache. Or to sit in a doctor's office and fight for diagnosis. Kids get sick. Not the fun part of parenting.

7. Less things equals less stress. The more you have the more you have to manage. The busier you are the more you will feel like you are racing around running on empty. Clearing out the clutter is one of the best things to do - constantly get rid of stuff. And it teaches our kids to not get sucked into the more is better conundrum of life.

8. You'll make mistakes. Like me. I published this post originally without a number eight (that's what I get for not checking the order). But you know what? Mistakes happen. They don't define us. We can learn from them, move on, and work to do better next time. Perfection doesn't happen. Real does. :)

9. Laundry will never be done. Yeah. It will be on the list, but as we all know the 18 seconds of not having a piece of dirty clothes in the laundry basket is short lived. Put laundry on the breathing list - the things to do that are just a normal needed part of life. And celebrate those 18 seconds when the laundry is done. That's good too.

10. Get down on their level. Look them in the eye when they talk to you. Learn to love what they love. It's easy in this fast pace tweet it instagram it facebook it racing world to lose the art of looking and communicating with those we love directly. Intentionally cultivate moments in your life where the social noise is quiet so that you and your kids can have space within the busy.

11. Sippy cups leak. Toys break. Those things don't matter. Those things in life aren't what you're going to remember at the end of your days. I think I remember a couple of my toys from childhood - my Mr. Owl Math Fact Calculator, a Barbie that had on a glitzy gold outfit, a lego set, and a keyboard. You know what I do remember? Going to the lake and fishing with my parents. Seeing the Ice Palace on a cold Minnesota winter morning. Playing Skipbo with my family. Riding bikes. Racing in the backyard. Simple little things.

12. Don't worry about savoring every single moment. Give yourself grace, really. Going back to the kids being sick point - there are simply times in life where the little moments aren't really the best. Don't stress about that. Instead be grateful for the moments tucked within the normal. So often we don't realy expect them - they're the you're the best mom moments after you cut the pbj into triangles and get them a glass of milk. Moments matter, but not all moments need to be savored. Make it a habit to record the good so that you can remember.

13. There is no supermom. There is only the real mom. And the real mom is brace, tenacious, funny, crazy, excited, tired, giving, crying, hoping, loving, challenging, working, worn out, loving life, loving those kids, and amazing. Real moms are amazing. Normal moms are amazing. You, the mom who loves and gives and cares for her kids, are fabulous simply because you are mom. Remember, just like I'm writing about in my book - being a mom is enough.

Thirteen Mom Truths. What would you add?

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

25 Things I Want My Kids to Know About Christmas.

My facebook stream is littered with posts about the Black Friday craziness. There are youtube videos of people fighting over $2 toasters and people punching people and crazy lines and just this overall crazy entitlement to stuff. I don't mind deals, shopping, and having fun. I've gone shopping on Black Friday before and I love the deals. I don't love the pushing, shoving, and waiting forever for my Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks (it's always Starbucks, right?) But, truth is, it's just stuff.

Stuff that we're going to have to put in our homes and deal with and manage and garage sale and complain about and purge and clean and dust and take care of as the days pass.

So it got me thinking - what do I want my kids to really know about Christmas?  And because I started thinking that led to me making a list for my kids. Which I'm sharing with you today.

So here are my 25 Things.

1. In our house, Christmas is about Jesus. That first. The rest follows.
2. The stuff goes away. Relationships do not.
3. Always smile and at least thank the Bell Ringer at the store. Do not look away. Gather change beforehand to give.
4. Take time to slow down and appreciate the little things. #littlethingsmatter

5. Always say "thank you" to those working at the stores. And look them in the eye. And smile.
6. A handwritten note is always worth the effort.
7. Family matters. Take time to learn about family. To invest in family. To love.
8. Better to be less busy than to be crazy busy
9. The number of presents received does not matter.

10. Baking makes a mess. It also makes memories.
11. It's okay if the bottom of the tree is full of ornaments. Someday it will look perfect.
12. Christmas music should only be played after Thanksgiving until New Year's Day. (haha - my own silly rule.)
13. Traditions matter. Establish them. But always allow room for new traditions.
14. Even if life isn't perfect there still can be beautiful and joyful moments.

15. Give to others first. And giving back isn't just a December thing - make it a year long thing.
16. Sometimes the Christmas tree falls over. Fact. Just pick it up and try again.
17. Smile. Smile. Smile. And give others grace.
18. Cultivate and celebrate the spirit of wonder in little kids.
19. If other kids believe in Santa Claus and you don't - don't ruin it for them.
20. Always buy your wrapping paper after Christmas when it's 70% off at Target.

21. You won't get everything you want. Be grateful for what you are blessed to receive.
22. Write a Christmas list. Save your list. Someday you'll enjoy looking back at them.
23. Take time to listen to others and to learn their stories. So really, just slow down.
24. You can say "Merry Christmas" to others even if they just say "Happy Holidays" to you.
25. Be grateful. Be thankful. Love your family. And remember why you celebrate Christmas.

It's not about stuff. When we lose focus then this Christmas season has the potential to become this crazy hectic want to pull our hair out month where we breathe the sigh of relief that it is January. And you know what else? Remember number fourteen - even if life isn't perfect or what you expect or all of that - there can still be good and joy. It's the little things. Look for the joy, the good, the wonder, and all of that first.

What's on your list?

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the mom confession.

I am writing this in my hallway at the top of the stairs because my two little boys won't stay in their room and go to bed unless I sit up here at the doorway and utter words like go to bed and stay in bed now - I mean it and no more water and you will lose media time if you get out of your bed again until they both decide to give in, slip under their covers and go to sleep.

That's the truth.

I've tried charts. Bedtime routines. Stickers. Time outs. All of it. And I've resorted to working at the top of the stairs for an hour each night and muttering those phrases. I've actually gotten quite used to emailing, tweeting, facebooking, and writing with my back against the door to my room and my eyes constantly looking in their room to see if they're asleep.

(they're not right now... in case you were wondering.)

My life isn't all together. I've got my share, well more than my share, of ups and downs, fails and do-overs, highs and lows, and sitting at the top of the stair moments because I can't seem to think of something better to do.

I make boxed macaroni and cheese for lunch with the little powdered cheese.

We don't eat organic apples.

I buy my kids fruit roll ups.

Sometimes my kids play too much media.

I skip words, okay paragraphs, in long books at bedtime.

I don't fold all the little boys clothes because they just dump them out anyway.

My sock basket is rarely ever folded.

I don't like doing dishes.

My living room right now (which I can see because I am sitting at the top of the stairs) has throw pillows on the floor, papers on the couch, a lamp shade that's crooked, shoes scattered by the door, and a couple empty boxes waiting for the toys to be dumped back in.

My pinterest board however, has pictures of perfectly organized living rooms.

I love Starbucks and will drive there sometimes with the kids in the back and then I will take the long way home.

I get impatient with my kids.

And I'm normal.

My kids? Well, they're normal. Or as normal as kids who want every single thing fair are ever going to be.

Motherhood isn't based on perfection. It's not based on having gluten free (which we must have in my world) or whole wheat macaroni with organic apples and socks that are matched and never getting impatient and a perfectly picked up living room that looks like a pinterest board.

Motherhood is simply real.

Real with real moms who lose their patience, who want to throw in the towel, who have kids (like my Samuel who is now in the hallway next to me telling me he doesn't want to go to bed now) who don't stay in bed. It's full of moms who have to work who'd rather stay home. Or moms who stay home who'd rather work. Or moms who are simply tired with the every day same routine.

It's full of real moms who take their kids to the apple orchard and the zoo and the coffee shop and the grocery store and the doctor and to school and all of that normal stuff. It's full of moms who feel like all they do is the laundry again and again and if they see clean clothes stuffed in the hamper again they threaten to take them away and sell them (or maybe that's just me). It's full of moms who are happy, joyful, sad, overwhelmed, and well, let's face it real.

That's the being enough mom. (link)

That's my confession. It's not that I don't want to be better. I think at heart we wake up each day and want each day to be better than the next. That's why I celebrate pulling up the boot straps and trying again and again and giving yourself grace. (Don't forget grace. Ever.) Motherhood has moments of extreme patience, extreme trying, and really learning to not compare.

Motherhood isn't based on external markers of perfection.

Motherhood is an act of learning. Every single day. It's being okay with the fact that maybe you like the convenience of that boxed macaroni and cheese. You know why? It's because it's not based on what other moms are doing - it's based on you - on you knowing your family, knowing what is best for your family, and being brave and confident in what you're doing.

Motherhood, and in fact life, is often this journey of waking up and discovering self.

That's the truth.

So I tell you, you right now, you the mother in whatever stage of motherhood you may find yourself that you are doing just fine. You are doing fine if your kids don't stay in bed, you hate potty training (does anyone like that one?), your kids have melt downs in the store, you get exasperated, you sneak the last bit of ice cream for yourself, and well, you're just you.  Just keep trying, keep doing your best, and keep growing more and more confident in your ability to mother.

You know what your kids need? Of course you do. They don't need perfect.

They need you.

You, the imperfect wonderfully perfect for your kids, mother.

That's my mom confession today.

Oh yes, and we're having hot dogs and peaches and macaroni and cheese for lunch.

******

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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how moms get it all done

Well, truthfully, they don't.

Bottom for real it's just how it is line - they don't get it all done.

I don't. You don't. The mom next door doesn't. The mom at the preschool class with the super cool treats with handmade decorations doesn't. The mom in the Starbucks (excellent choice) line in front of you doesn't. The mom at church, work, school, grocery store, doctor's office, next door, driving to baseball, and all the other moms - they just don't get it all done.

And it's okay.

I know, you're probably looking at that to-do list (or not if you're simply anti to-do lists) and right now a million things are running through your brain. I know even writing that triggered a list that raced through my head - move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, fold the towels that got dumped out of the dryer and not folded, finish cleaning the kitchen, make sure you work on multiplication facts, call to check on test times, call the dentist and set up cleanings (weren't we just there?), call the doctor and set up a recheck, get groceries, respond to emails, write post, help with science report, find something for dinner, wipe down fridge interior, go get groceries, don't forget gluten free bread, and on and on - all of that? All I had to do was think of a list and those are the things that immediately came into my mind.

And then, then the list of everything I should have done will start to pester me. I should have read one more book, should have played longer, should have helped them clean their room, should have, should have, should have.

The truth? You and I and all the moms in the world just don't ever get it all done.

We're a life in motion.

A life where there are real hurdles, real bumps, real moments where we want to just throw our hands in the air and say enough. Or maybe at least ask for a fifty second pause. A mom time out, perhaps?

But, do you want to know truth?

You really do get it all done.

You get done what you can do and you get up in the morning and you keep going in a world where the list will never ever end. That's the thing about motherhood and life - the list is like this never ending ladder of things to constantly keep doing. You think you made it to the top rung and then there's always just one more thing you could be doing. One more after one more after one more.

Do you know that right now even if you feel like you're flailing just trying to keep your head above water because you have that eight week colicky baby and a three year old and you're house isn't perfectly put back together that you're getting it all done.

Do you know that when you drop off the little one at daycare who cries when you leave and you back out of the driveway and spill just a bit of that fabulous Starbucks coffee on your clean shirt and you answer emails and think about what you're going to make for dinner that you're getting it all done?

Do you know that when you sit outside a bedroom door and talk with your teen about really hard stuff and love of them in the midst and stay up late and forget about folding the towels on the floor but instead just sit and listen that you are getting it all done?

You are mothering.

It's not about a never ending nebulous to-do list of things.

It's about being real. Being a mother. Putting one foot in front of the other and marching forward even though sometimes it feels like you're simply treading water.

You are getting up. You are making breakfast for your family. Taking care of them. Working or staying at home or working at home. Cleaning up. Doing laundry. Giving kisses and hugs when needed. Crying in the bathroom when you're overwhelmed and then splashing water on your face. Buttering sandwiches. Making beds (maybe). Matching socks. Looking littles in the eye and telling them you're the best. Trying to figure out Halloween costumes the night before (that's me today). Giving hugs. Sharing your sandwich. Budgeting in a world where you wish you could just have a budget. Picking up the same toy again and again. Feeding babies. You're moving.

You are moving.

Motherhood is a to-do list in constant motion.

Getting it all done doesn't mean having a list at the end of the day with every single thing checked off. Getting it all done means doing exactly what you've been doing since the day you became blessed to be a mother. It means making mistakes and yet trying again. It means fighting for your family. It means smiling with tears in your eyes. It's reading books over and over again. It's being okay with rerunnig the wash cycle because you forgot to move it. It's in learning to give yourself grace and the mothers all around you grace.

It's looking at the ambiguous never ending ladder of things that we think we should could forgot to need to be doing and saying - I am enough.

I am enough when I love my kids. When I fight for them. When I do my normal every day things that often feel like they don't mean much but in the scheme of life are the moments that will matter. I am enough even when I make mistakes and try again. I am enough when my life isn't perfect. I am enough when we have the same dinner again and again. I am enough even when I feel so often like I'm out of breath. I am enough when I am running late. I am enough when I stay up late sitting on the floor in my toddlers room because he won't go to sleep. I am enough.

Enough.

Moms get it all done every single day.

One thing. One hug. One smile. One more pulling up of the boot straps. One more fight for right. One more reminder of grace. One more not comparing my life to the mom next doors life and using that to judge getting it all done. One more listening to the same knock knock joke and chuckling again moment in life. One more moment simply being a mom.

So if you're asked how you get it all done every single day you can answer that's just what moms do.

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Today's photos? All real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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How to Be a Better Mom in Five Steps

Secret: I've been waiting to do that title for months.

You all know me. I joke about how there isn't one parenting book out there that will teach how to master the art of motherhood in thirteen steps spread out over two weeks with just three hours a day spent at the low cost of $19.95. Nope. Not one. Not one easy program for becoming the perfect mother.

So what's with the title? What's with this Be a Better Mom stuff from me?

Well, I'm going to write five ways to be a better mom. But, it's probably not what you're thinking it will be. Nope. It's not about steps. It's not a program. It's not going to guarantee that you wake up tomorrow and that your hair is fabulous so you don't need the shower and that your go-to jeans look killer and your black top doesn't have spit up stains on the shoulder. Nope. It's not going to put the dinner in the oven early, nor guarantee that all of your laundry is completed and <gasp> actually put away in drawers. Nope.

These five steps are things you already do. They're the Being a Mom is Enough steps of motherhood.

Here you go.

1. Stop Comparing. Your kids need you.  You. You're the perfect mom for those kids of yours. I know sometimes you might not feel like you are or you might even be thinking how in the world you got stuck with such a crazy spitfire of a little human that refuses to ever stay in bed. Yeah. I get that. I've had those moments wondering why I'm qualified to teach, to raise, to train, and to be the mom to my kids. But, I'm telling you, that you, right now, are the mom that they need. Not your friend next door. Or the mom at soccer that seems to always always always have it perfectly together while you come racing in with your double stroller late. Again. (That doesn't matter. You made it there.) Not the mom on facebook with the cool fall craft and clean kitchen.

So, no more comparing. No more thinking that if I was just like her that life would be perfect. Nope. You are their mother. And they need and love you. Even if sometimes they slam the door shut to their rooms and yell I hate you. Even then.

2. Love yourself. Take care of yourself.  I know, kind of weird, right? But, it's true. You need to take care of you in this motherhood journey as well. Now, I'm not talking about the kind of take care of yourself where you count your shower as your free time. Wait. There are seasons in life where that is free time. New moms - I want you to savor every single shower that you get. Savor. Okay, wait, again. All moms - savor the shower moments - or at least the 48 seconds between knocks and cries for mom.

But, seriously, take time for yourself. And love yourself - value yourself. Cultivate your gifts, your talents, and don't let them fade away just because you're mom. Let them grow and let them flourish. It is so good for your kids to see you doing things you love and to take care of yourself. That's what they need to remember - not a mom who wore herself out completely. Rest is good. Laughter is good. Taking care of yourself is excellent.

3. Don't expect perfection. From yourself. From your life. From your kids. From your friends. Just don't expect perfection. Life is so far from perfect, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. In fact, I will argue that because life isn't perfect that is what makes it most beautiful. The moments where you discover your strength and your bravery and your capacity to love another person aren't in the moments when everything is smooth sailing. They are in the moments when you surprise yourself with this deep strength tucked inside.

They are in the times when you simply decide to give yourself grace and keep on trying. They're when you pull up your bootstraps. When you decide that even if it isn't perfect that life is beautiful. They're in the simple seconds of breath in between the crazy moments of stress. It's in simply being a mom and trying again and again and again.

4. Let Your Kids Be Kids. They are kids. They are not mini adults, nor mini-you's. They are unique, fabulous, challenging at moments, wonderful, crazy, energetic, emotional, crying, laughing, jumping on couches, learning, unbelievably cool, independent people. And right now, they are kids. They are learning what it takes to be adults, they are growing, and they need to be taught.

But they also need to be kids. They need to spend times making messes. Playing with paints. Running outside. Creating. Building. Taking apart. Laughing. Learning. Jumping. Exploring. Reading. They need to be kids. And you can gift them with that space - that wonderful space called childhood that can so easily be sucked out of the everyday by the busy demands of our culture. Let them be kids.

5. Celebrate the Little Things. My hashtag that I put on almost every single instagram that I do is #littlethingsmatter - find me at finding_joy - and there's a reason. Life is a collection of these little moments, these snippets of time, that when woven together creates your story, your life, your motherhood journey. It's easy to constantly look to the next big event as the moment that will make motherhood amazing or your kid's life fabulous. We all know those moments are fabulous.

But so are the simple moments. Looking at the stars at night and pointing out Orion's Belt. Letting your three year old dump the powdered cheese into the macaroni noodles and letting them stir. Playing in the sandbox together. Reading books at night. Being a family. Maybe your time is fragmented. Maybe you only have moments at night. Those times matter. Greatly. Your seven year old will remember the extra scoop that you put in the ice cream. Or when you let him stay up fifteen minutes later. It really is the little things.

Five steps.Here's a secret. You probably already do these things. Maybe instead of this being a post about being a better mom it's a post telling you why you're a fabulous mom. Or you're mom enough. (link) Or not to worry.

Onward brave mother. Onward.

Those kids grow. You're doing fine. One day, one mothering moment, after another.

What things would you add to this list? I'd like to put on there that laundry completed doesn't matter. And you? 

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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to the tired mom

Last night my four year old decided to sleep next to me.

He slept amazing.

I didn't sleep. Sleeping with a four year old is like sleeping next to the hands of a clock. As the night wore on I was inevitably met with feet in my face then hands and then back to feet.

I woke tired. More than tired. I woke wondering why I don't have my red mini Keurig set up in my room waiting with a mug underneath and all I have to do is hit brew.

He woke up happy.

I love you mommy.

He had no idea how tired I really was or how my back was sore or how I really just wanted to sleep for five more minutes - he just was grateful to see me.

And you?

Are you a tired mom?

Are you waking up wishing for more hours in the day? Are you pushing yourself to limits that you didn't have? Working? Cleaning? Mothering? Wondering? Dealing with kids that are fighting over whose turn it is to play Club Penguin on the computer? (or maybe that's just me) Are you wondering whether what you're doing every day makes a difference? Are you tired of the same routine?

Sometimes being a mom means simply being tired.

Sometimes being a mom means feeling a bit lonely. Like no one else notices what we're doing. After all, no one would know that I had maybe a solid 42.4 minute chunk of sleep last night except that I wrote about it. Well, the gals at Starbucks might know when I come in and ask for a venti caramel macchiato. (Be ready, my Barista friends.)

Motherhood is so often this giving of self in our homes that no one sees. We work. We make macaroni and cheese and forget to take the noodles off and so they become mushy. We pick up Little Tikes toys in the backyard again and again and wonder why we have so much plastic. We fold frayed towels, match socks, call doctors, wash walls that have handprints on them, wash sticky faces, help with long division (is it ever easy for any child?), clean the kitchen, wipe down the microwave after our nine year old decided to zap something for too long, we go to work, come home from work, we work at home, we mother all day, we do whatever that each of our stories are, and then we go to bed.

Yeah, we could argue that it's just motherhood. And it's just what moms have had to do forever.

You know what? We have. Since the beginning of time moms have had to get up, had to deal with kid issues, money issues, teaching issues, health issues, and so on.

But,just because we've always had to do something doesn't mean it doesn't need to be celebrated and honored. Motherhood, parenthood, they're amazing things. It's not just roses and sunshine and skipping though the meadows holding hands. It's real hard stuff. Stuff that doesn't seem like it will push us to our limits and yet it does. Stuff that gives us great joy and puts a smile on our face and an hour later has us wondering why in the world the four year old is making us want to pull our hair out.

We go into the world and do our jobs and smile at the other preschool moms and order our lattes and drive down the interstate and get groceries and we smile.

You're not alone. Do you hear me?

You. are. not. alone.

The other moms in preschool, at the grocery store, at work, at school, at co-op classes, at the doctor's office, at where ever you may be, well chances are that they might feel tired as well. Wondering about all this motherhood stuff. Yet, still giving of self for those kids that you love.

So today, today, I stand up and salute you the tired, and yet amazing, mom. You the mom with no sleep. You the mom who needs encouragement. You the mom who works and works and works for her family and it feels like no one notices. You the mom with those three kids under five who never gets a break. You the mom with the newborn who never gets sleep. You the mom staying up late waiting for the teen to come home. You the mom. Plain and simple. You, the mom.

Motherhood is a brave journey. It's always been this brave thing to raise another independent, pushing the limits, melt your heart at night, love them forever even when they drive you crazy, human.

That's what you're doing. Even on those tired days.

You. The amazing, brave, empowered, no sleep yet fighting, awesome, cool, mom.  

Who needs sleep anyway, right? (oh yeah, and get that extra shot at Starbucks)

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Today's photos? All real life live from the instagram feed. Find me there at finding_joy
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

Want to read more letters to moms? Grab my ebook with 21 original letters.

the real supermom. (she has bad days too)

Yesterday was one of those days that we'd classify as the classic bad day.

Nothing horrible happened, just little things, one after another, like dominoes crashing down happened.

Not much sleep the night before. Too much on the list to do. A dishwasher that's so broken that I hold it in place with a stool held with weights and if it's not secured well water leaks. Emails. Many, many, many emails. Mowing. My computer screen getting broken and thus making my computer no longer useable. Time spent trying to fix things. Kid issues. Kids going to bed issues.

Oh, yeah, did I mention the computer screen thing? On the computer where my book was stored and where I do all my work? That somehow got broken but I have no idea how?

Truth? Bad days happen.

Sometimes I think we as mothers need to allow ourselves the grace to put those kids that we normally look at with great love but who at this moment are pushing every single button that we have, including ones we didn't know we had, to bed and to let the day be in the pile of bad days.

Sometimes I think we as mothers put so much pressure on ourselves to redeem everything that we forget that sometimes days like this simply happen. In fact, as I sat in Best Buy with my netbook which held my Finding Joy Book on it I actually laughed a bit about my day. I laughed because just hours earlier I was on the phone with a dear friend of mine joking about how I needed to get my book saved on a zip drive in case something happened to my computer and then four hours later it was smashed.

The irony of the day hadn't escaped me.

Motherhood will have bad days. Not horrible days - we've all had those - but I'm talking about simply bad days. Days where the washing machine breaks, the orange juice doesn't make the glass, where you've lost track of how many counting to tens you've done and have decided to skip count now, where the permanent marker was the perfect choice for wall decorating and brother decorating, where the idea of a shower makes you laugh, where you decide bedtime is thirty minutes earlier, and where, well, when you finally put your head on your pillow you think - thank goodness today is done - in those exhausted seconds before you fall asleep.

These days simply happen.

They don't define. That's the absolute one hundred percent truth.

There is not one single parenting book on the shelves of Barnes and Noble that will teach you the forty-two secrets on how to avoid bad days in the next eight days. Not one.

You know what book needs to be there?

A book about normal motherhood.

A book stating that bad days happen and that they don't define us. A book that celebrates that amazing awesome strength it takes to survive the two year old who has decided that they are not getting into the shopping cart at Target and you've got a baby screaming in a car seat carrier next to you. A book about the single mom who gets up every morning, breathes a deep breath, gathers her courage, and walks down the stairs ready to do another day.

There should be posters showing real cool moms - those moms with a toddler on their hips, laptop bags over their shoulders, grabbing a snack from the fridge, as they race out the door. That's the real supermom.

Supermom isn't the mom who has it all together.

She's just real. With real kids. And a real perfectly imperfect life.

Supermom is reserved for moms who aren't afraid to admit that they had a bad day. It's for moms who can change a diaper with one wipe, can clean the living room in four minutes before the unexpected company comes over, who doesn't care that the living room isn't perfect, who makes dinner with the rice, beans, and whatever she can find and the kids love it - or hate it - but she still made it, who can laugh when she feels like crying, who goes to bed exhausted at night, who works two jobs, who drops that child off at preschool who cries for her but she bravely kisses her goodbye only to come back two hours later and find her smiling, who just, well, just keeps going in this adventure called life.

If there is anything I've learned in the bad days I've had it's that there is always tomorrow. Another try, another chance, another day full of opportunity.

Opportunity.

What a fabulous and sometimes forgotten word in our motherhood journey. So often we spend time thinking about all we should be doing or could be doing or should have done or could have done that we lose the beauty in the word opportunity. Do you know what opportunity means? It means that now, today, tomorrow, you have a chance to pull up your bootstraps and try again. It doesn't mean that it has to be perfect - it's just an opportunity to give it another shot.

Motherhood is full of opportunities.

Every day is another opportunity. So the bad day happens, but that doesn't take away the opportunity from tomorrow. Or the afternoon. Or the next minute. It's about learning, giving yourself grace, and letting your kids see you try again. Loving them.

It's not about making it through motherhood without the inevitable skinned knee or moments where you think you can't do it anymore or bad days. It's about trying again. Embracing the opportunity. Being brave.

That's the real supermom.

Onward, brave super mother.

*****
Today's photos? All real life live from the instagram feed. A celebration of normal. Find me there at finding_joy for more pictures of normal things.

to receive finding joy via email simply click subscribe.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.