13 Mom Truths

1. Your house is not a reflection of your parenting skills. You know what I'm talking about. It's 2:28 in the afternoon and there's a knock on your door and your house isn't perfect. Open the door. Welcome your friend in. Don't apologize for whatever it looks like in your home. Show them you're real. And remember your house isn't a reflection of your parenting skills. It's just a house - big, small, neat, cluttered, tidy, organized, whatever - that doesn't matter. What matters is you - mothering, teaching, and loving your kids.

2. Sometimes you just need to read the same book over and over again. Or teach the same truth over and over again. Or deal with the same discipline issue. Or wash the dishes (ha) again. Parenting involves a great deal of repetition. And sometimes the repetition is needed. For instance? The book reading? Kids need to hear the same one again - they recognize the nuances in the story and it's how the learn. And you? You can add that book to your books known by memory. And discipline stuff? Well it takes work. Don't give up. Just keep going.

3. Melt downs in the store happen. Just the other day while I was at Target I observed the pinnacle of child meltdowns happen. Screaming, tantrum throwing, and the whole shebang wrapped up in what appeared to be a spitfire of a four year old. And the mom? Gritting her teeth, moving calmly, putting the massive cart away, and buckling the child in. All I could think was you go mom - keep your head high. You all know they happen, guys. When they do, don't judge. Encourage.

4. You will be tired. Want me to explain this one? Probably not. Grab your coffee or chai tea or energy drink or green drink or whatever you need and rock on mom. You can do this.

5. Some days will be tedious. Other days normal. Other days challenging. Other days amazing. Motherhood is like a rollercoaster rides of days. And often those feelings can happen in the midst of the normal day. You may start out feeling like you're the queen of motherhood only to have the rug pulled out from underneath you at 8:34 am and you're ready to call in back up. Just like your house doesn't define you your days don't define. It's the constant movement that matters. And loving your kids.

6. Kids get sick. This. Especially for you new moms out there. Our kids get sick. It just happens and when it does we just deal with it. I'm still telling you though - it's an art to deal with a vomiting no aim two year old. Or to stay up all night with one with an ear ache. Or to sit in a doctor's office and fight for diagnosis. Kids get sick. Not the fun part of parenting.

7. Less things equals less stress. The more you have the more you have to manage. The busier you are the more you will feel like you are racing around running on empty. Clearing out the clutter is one of the best things to do - constantly get rid of stuff. And it teaches our kids to not get sucked into the more is better conundrum of life.

8. You'll make mistakes. Like me. I published this post originally without a number eight (that's what I get for not checking the order). But you know what? Mistakes happen. They don't define us. We can learn from them, move on, and work to do better next time. Perfection doesn't happen. Real does. :)

9. Laundry will never be done. Yeah. It will be on the list, but as we all know the 18 seconds of not having a piece of dirty clothes in the laundry basket is short lived. Put laundry on the breathing list - the things to do that are just a normal needed part of life. And celebrate those 18 seconds when the laundry is done. That's good too.

10. Get down on their level. Look them in the eye when they talk to you. Learn to love what they love. It's easy in this fast pace tweet it instagram it facebook it racing world to lose the art of looking and communicating with those we love directly. Intentionally cultivate moments in your life where the social noise is quiet so that you and your kids can have space within the busy.

11. Sippy cups leak. Toys break. Those things don't matter. Those things in life aren't what you're going to remember at the end of your days. I think I remember a couple of my toys from childhood - my Mr. Owl Math Fact Calculator, a Barbie that had on a glitzy gold outfit, a lego set, and a keyboard. You know what I do remember? Going to the lake and fishing with my parents. Seeing the Ice Palace on a cold Minnesota winter morning. Playing Skipbo with my family. Riding bikes. Racing in the backyard. Simple little things.

12. Don't worry about savoring every single moment. Give yourself grace, really. Going back to the kids being sick point - there are simply times in life where the little moments aren't really the best. Don't stress about that. Instead be grateful for the moments tucked within the normal. So often we don't realy expect them - they're the you're the best mom moments after you cut the pbj into triangles and get them a glass of milk. Moments matter, but not all moments need to be savored. Make it a habit to record the good so that you can remember.

13. There is no supermom. There is only the real mom. And the real mom is brace, tenacious, funny, crazy, excited, tired, giving, crying, hoping, loving, challenging, working, worn out, loving life, loving those kids, and amazing. Real moms are amazing. Normal moms are amazing. You, the mom who loves and gives and cares for her kids, are fabulous simply because you are mom. Remember, just like I'm writing about in my book - being a mom is enough.

Thirteen Mom Truths. What would you add?

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

20 Things I Will Not Regret Doing With My Kids.

1. Tucking them into bed at night. Someday they'll be too big and I won't get that moment back. Saying good night, pulling up the covers, and kissing their heads is a gift.

2. Telling them I love them. Start this when they're young. I love you is a powerful three word phrase that matters.

3. Listening to their stories. Their stories teach me about them and their hearts and what they love. I think of the stories as a way to learn more about them. And this is the real listening. Not the distracted mom who wants to move onto the next thing on her never ending to-do list.

4. Looking them in their eyes. Nothing tells another person you matter more than looking at them in the eyes while they talk. It shows that what they are saying truly is important to you. I want my kids to remember that there were times when their mother looked them in the eye and smiled. And for me this often means shutting my laptop, putting down my phone, stopping my list, and just giving them time.

5. Saying yes when it's easier to say no. Like those times when I just want to keep to my agenda and they want to join in. Or for those late night sleep overs. Or those times when I am simply tired and don't want to walk up the stairs to say goodnight. Or for the extra story. Or to play a game. Yes simply matters.

6. Showing them new things. I can read to my kids about history or I can start to show them history. Last week, when Grace and I were in Mexico, it was such a cool experience to show Grace the Mayan ruins in Tulum. Now, I'm not saying go to Mexico, but there are things we can show them. Do science. Look at the stars. Go to the museum. Let them learn and see the world.

7. Teaching them to say please and thank you. No explanation needed. Politeness matters.

8. Letting them help even if it means it takes longer for me. Does it take longer to wash the windows if I'm teaching my children how to wash the windows? Yes. Same with laundry, cooking, cleaning, folding, and more. But they need to learn - these are life skills. I would be doing them a disservice by NOT teaching them and letting them help.

9. Saying no to things even when it would be easier to say yes. There are movies and television shows that I don't let my kids watch. Books that I want them to wait to read. ipods and computers that are only allowed on the main level. Sometimes the answer needs to be no - even if everyone else's answer seems to be yes.

10. Laughing with them.Or smiling with them. Or having fun with them. I simply want them to know I love being around them.  This is the aspect of liking my kids, not just loving them. I want them to know both.

11. Making them learn the value of work. I want my kids to know that work matters and that a good work ethic - where you go above and beyond and don't complain - is an excellent skill. My kids know how to do laundry, to sweep the floor, to bring their dishes over, to clean their rooms, to make their beds, and so on. I will never regret teaching them the value of work.

12. Rocking them to sleep. Holding their hand. Giving them a kiss. I love them. Even after those days where they drive me a bit crazy and I wonder what in the world I'm doing. Those little acts of love are important life acts of love.

13. Saying I'm sorry. Because lets face it - I'm not perfect. I mess up. I make mistakes. So they need to hear me say I'm sorry and that I love them and that they're important to me. So that means sometimes I will say I'm sorry.

14. Teaching them to be respectful of others. This. And this again. And this. I want my kids to respect others. To listen to them, to learn, and to not judge. This starts with me teaching them this skill and me being respectful of them. Often it is looking for the good first and giving grace.

15. Encouraging them to take risks. Sometimes the fear is the biggest obstacle. Kids need to learn to look at the fear and to push through the fear.

16. Not holding onto a record of wrongs. Each day is a new day. Learn from the past, but don't hold onto the past. I want to see the good first and not all the negative - so often that means letting go of the record of wrongs.

17. Letting them see me thrive. I don't want my kids to grow up thinking I was a good mom, but a not too happy and joyful mom. They need to see me thrive and be interested in things and to expand my creativity as well.

18. Teaching them compassion. I want them to see the world beyond me and ourselves. I want them to give back, to care about others, and to be a person of change.

19. Showing them that the stuff doesn't matter. Nothing in Target really matters. Nor the stuff on the shelves. Or the clothes one wears. Or the fancy birthday parties. If the stuff clouds the vision then the relationships are lost. Relationships first. Stuff after that.

20. Letting them grow up. Sigh. This. It has to be done. So I look back with nostalgia, and embrace today, and look forward to tomorrow. They'll grow. And I'll savor the moments that we're blessed to share.

Those are just twenty things I won't regret doing with my kids. Simple, things really. They're the living intentional type things that sometimes just need to be written down.

What is on your list?

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the mom handbook

inspired by my mom confession post from last week.

No two children are ever alike.

No two mothers are alike. Amen.

No two stories will ever be alike.

When they are still, which will be rare, take a picture.

There is grace to start over again. At 8:30. 8:40. 8:42. Well, you get that picture too.

When kids clean their room all clothes immediately become dirty clothes. Trust me, you'll find them in the laundry and then at that point those clean clothes are truly dirty clothes.

It's normal for the back of your vehicle to look like this during October.

Laundry becomes a source of discussion between you and your friends. It will be called Mount Washmore, the enemy, and the bane of one's existence. By the way, what is your strategy?

The days when you need coffee the most will be the day you have no way to get coffee.

What works for one child won't work for the next. Think you got potty training down? Think again.

Sleep will just be a distant, and lovely, memory.

Hold those sleeping in your arms babies just a minute longer before you attack the to-do list. You'll remember that, not that the to-do list was completed.

Tshirts from Target make acceptable and appropriate Target shopping attire. Important note: While shopping at Target don't wear a red tshirt. With khaki pants. Ever.

Construction sites by your home become an unbelievable gift. And break.

Juice, milk, food, or anything of comparing value can equally be poured into separate containers with children watching who need to make sure that absolutely everything is fair and equal.

Instagram becomes your family scrapbook. (I love instagram. like love. Find me -> finding_joy

Shoes become a nemesis. When one is late there will always be, and I repeat always, one shoe mysteriously missing and you will spend precious minutes searching - under couches, in the closet, in rooms, in the car, by the back door, downstairs, in the kitchen, anywhere for that shoe.

Instead of counting to ten you skip count to one hundred. Twice.

When people ask you what do you do you've learned to just smile.

What you do - stay at home, work, work at home, work part time, etc... -- that stuff doesn't define mothers.

Always keep an emergency stash of chocolate in two places. Make the second place the emergency supply for when the emergency chocolate is gone.

The plastic cups from Ikea are your go-to beverage holder choice.

Your phone will have preschool apps on it.

Sometimes you just need to laugh.

Teaching them to ride a bike requires training for yourself - in running, not tripping, catching, and letting go.

Actually, most of motherhood is a journey in letting go.

It's really really letting go when you let them drive the teeny cart.

That's so not fair are words you hear in your home everyday.

You multitask like you were on steroids.

Tag removing from clothing becomes normal.

You have pinterest boards specifically designed for cleaning difficult things. Like permanent marker on laminate flooring. Don't ask me how I know about that one - like perhaps coming home and seeing the entire floor covered in permanent marker drawings.

Saying I love you is a daily, and most important, thing.

Saying I love you is so easy when they're in bed sleeping looking perfect.

Remember that motherhood is really a brave thing. Don't question that. Celebrate it.

You can get coffee with your bff with children that are unruly and still look perfectly calm.

The words I'm hungry, I'm starving, I'm actually really hungry, can I have a snack will also be frequently heard.

Even though there is a great deal of apparent hunger what you made for dinner will not be the solution.

You will spend many many many hours discussing snacks.

Did I mention that the words no fair will frequently be heard?

A break often consists of a trip to Target or the grocery store by yourself.

You know that motherhood is a gift. Most days.

Little things matter. Always.

How about you? What would you add? I'd love to add them to the post and build a cool collection of mom notes.

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Want to read some you got this brave mom letters? Check out my ebook with 21 original letters.

23 Things I Want My Kids to Know.

1. Be yourself. There is no one like you - you are unique, fabulous, creative, and you. There isn't anyone else you should strive to be like. Learn from other people - explore your talents - but be confident in who you are made to be. I love you for you.

2. Don't waste time worrying. It's easy to worry - if you measure up, if you fit in, if the clothes you are wearing are cool, if you are doing the right stuff, if you should do this or that - don't worry. Make a decision, talk over your decision, be confident in your decision, but then don't sit in worry. Worrying just takes away time from the present.

3. Appreciate the little things. Of course, this. Take time to start to see the little things in life. It's those moments that often bring great joy, perspective, and gratitude. Start recording them, sharing them, and seeing them. Joy isn't something that is handed to you - joy is a posture of your heart that is willing to seek the beauty in the ordinary, normal, good, and challenging moments in life.

4. Stand up for your friends. And your family. Do not let others bully those who you consider friends. In fact, do not let others bully others. We all are people with unique hearts, with families, with stories - there is no tolerance for cutting down, trashing, or hurting others. Be a person of integrity and stand up for those around you.

5. I will always be there. I mean it. In the good, bad, ugly, silly, crazy, funny, sorrowful, made a mistake, need grace, great days, horrible days, normal, unpredictable times of life. In it all. So don't go wondering about that part of it - just know that you can always come to me. Always.

6. Be firm in your convictions but be willing to learn and adjust. Even if it makes you not popular or cool or trendy. Develop backbone to stand firm in your convictions BUT do not become stubborn or short sighted to learn about others viewpoints and to change yours if you find that yours needs to adapt.

7. Help others. Volunteer. Give of your time. See others in this world. When you are out shopping - greet the cashier - put your phone down and converse. Open doors, help with bags, seek out opportunities to help others. Sometimes it just means smiling and being respectful.

8. Don't whisper about others in front of others. This just hurts. If you're going to say something about another person it should be something that you would feel comfortable saying to their face. If it has to be whispered then it's gossip. And don't go there.

9. Get enough rest and take care of yourself. It's easy to be busy and to keep going and going and going. But we are not made to be creatures that never rest. In fact, I want you to give yourself permission to rest and to take times to refresh. Rest is good. And this also means watching what you put in your body - someday you will get older and you will appreciate taking care of yourself now.

10. Cultivate your gifts. Whether it's playing piano, kicking a soccer ball, drawing, writing, making people laugh - whatever your gifts are make sure to cultivate and let them grow. These things are unique to you and make you you. And, if you can't figure out what you want to do don't stress - you'll figure it out. For now, explore and learn more about the things in this world that make you excited.

11. Read. Pick up a book. Or load one on your kindle. But read. Don't just read entries on facebook or all of that. Take time to read. Read books on culture, fiction, whatever - but read. Reading opens up a whole new world and challenges your brain.

12. Speak with respect. Bottom line - use your words wisely. It may seem funny to mouth off or be disrespectful but it really simply hurts you. People don't hear the disrespect, they see an individual who has not yet learned the skill of self control. That being said, there are times that one needs to simply speak up and be bold and sometimes it might sound nice. That's okay. We need people to speak up at times.

13. Pick your battles. If you went into a meeting with 11 things that were wrong and you decided to address all eleven things then very quickly others would learn that you are not ever really satisfied. Or you might be called a complainer. Instead write your list of eleven things and then from that list pick your top ones that aggravate you and only fight for those. And make sure to listen to other's issues as well.

14. Seek to understand. This one is hard. Let me repeat that. This one is really really really hard especially if you feel slighted. But the truth is that there is more power in seeking to understand someone else's point of view before arguing your own. You still may be right, but you gave the other person courtesy and respect before arguing. The heart matters.

15. Chores and work - they're all good. It may seem like it's just there to make life miserable, but the truth is that those chores make you stronger and teach a good work ethic. You are learning to be an adult in these years at home. You are not learning that I take care of absolutely everything for you. Therefore you need to learn how to do laundry, cook, and clean and all of that. It may not be fun now, but some day you will thank me.

16. You are not your emotion. Yes, I know that sounds weird, but you simply are not the emotion. You are feeling an emotion - anger, worry, etc - but you at the core are not that emotion. So learn now to take control of those emotions. Do not let them run you. Remember the thermostat/thermometer analogy? A thermometer simply reflects the moods/the emotions while a thermostat regulates them despite the craziness around. Work to be the latter.

17. Work hard. Don't give up. In the movie "Facing the Giants" there is that scene where one of the kids does this horrible football crawl and he thinks he cannot go ten yards. Well, as you know, he ends up going the entire length of the football field. Because he didn't give up. He had to stop seeing that he couldn't do it and instead pushed himself beyond what he thought possible. Most things in life take tremendous work. If you stop, someone else will finish.

18. Always be willing to learn. Or in other words, don't think only of yourself. We can learn from others. Watch others, listen, and don't think that you have the only answer. It is amazing what others can teach us if we're willing to humble ourselves and to just be willing to learn. Sometimes learning is uncomfortable, and that's okay, it's the progress not perfection.

19. Surround yourself with people that respect you and treat you well. Friends matter. Don't align yourself with others who don't treat you the way you would treat others. You matter, your heart matters, your dreams matter. Be the type of friend that shows your friends that they're important too. Part of what makes that scene so powerful in Facing the Giants is the fact that he was motivated by his friends to keep going. That's what you need to surround yourself with - people willing to keep up the fight and try harder.

20. Find balance. In life, marriage, relationships, work, fun, family, and all of everything. It's very easy to live out of balance and in fact, you will find that most of life is trying to regain balance. Expect that, and then keep working to keep balance. You are only blessed with 24 hours in a day, twelve months a year, and so many years so find that balance in your life because time will simply slip by and years can simply be lost.

21. Try to be positive. Seriously. And I know maybe that's not easy for you, but truthfully thinking positively takes less energy in the long run. Negative thinking clouds everything - emotions, relationships, what to wear, if it's rainy, etc... Try to be positive. And the truth is that there are many things that we simply cannot control - like the weather - and is it really worth the emotional energy to get bent out of shape over it? I think not.

22. Be brave. Sometimes bravery means doing the thing you don't want to do. Or riding that bike. Or getting on a plane and going across the country. Or standing up for the kid who is constantly picked on. You can be brave. I know it. Real bravery often comes in taking those risks that didn't seem possible.

23. Know that you are loved. Bottom line. And most important. Simply know you are deeply loved. Not for what you do, accomplish, how you look, where you go to school, and all of that. You are loved for being you. You in your imperfect state. You are forever loved.

*****

Today I'm flying to Denver for some meetings and will be getting to meet with the team from Udi's Gluten Free. I'm so excited about that and my sweet Samuel thinks it is the coolest thing that I'm going to see Udi's. Love the joy found in almost four year olds. Make sure to pop by the Udi's Gluten Free Community where I'm a leader. :)

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the little things that make a mom

A glimpse at the brave, and very real, mother.

She understands that staying up late holding her toddler doesn't mean that she'll get to sleep in late and yet she does it anyways.

She knows that despite being very busy that those children racing around the store, jumping down the stairs, throwing all the clothes out of the drawer that were just folded while they look for the one shirt that they love,  are truly blessings.

She's a fighter for her children - an advocate, a dreamer for them, and is not afraid to make sure that they are safe. She'll stop traffic for them, will scan a crowd for them, and will not be afraid to keep the rules in place for them.

She wipes up spill after spill and wipes face after face and wipes away the tears and still manages to kiss them all goodnight and whisper words of love. She'll walk into their room at night and watch them sleep while wondering why in the world they were so trying during the day when they look like an angel while they sleep.

She can grocery shop in stealth mode with a toddler in the gigantic cart with the blue police truck in front, a baby in her sling, and a preschooler finding all sorts of favorite new things to try.



She is able to read the same book over and over and over again as well as provide entertaining voices for each of the characters. And she artfully knows the skill of skipping some long paragraphs for those nights when bedtime needs to arrive just a bit earlier.

She has the phone numbers for the doctor, dentist, soccer coach, and pizza place programmed on her phone. She also has the phone number for her dear friend who can remind her of everything she's doing right memorized.

She understands that phrases like I hate you and you're a horrible mom and this dinner is awful don't define her. She works hard to brush them off and to keep loving and fighting for those ones who are pushing her buttons.

She makes mistakes. She owns her mistakes. And then she brushes off the mistakes and tries again.

She laughs. She laughs at the simplest things - the preschooler and their funny sayings. Sometimes she remembers to write them down. And sometimes she is thankful for facebook because she shared them there and thus wrote them down at least somewhere.

She tries to say yes more to her kids - even if it's just playing trains, running in the backyard, or reading one more book at bedtime. And yes to herself - often that yes is really a no to more things to do and yes to her family or for time off.



She works hard. Sometimes she works out of the home or in the home or a combination of both. But, no matter what, the brave mother works. And often she doesn't get much credit for that work, but she keeps on doing it.

She's learning to compare less.

She has mastered the yoga pants look and pony tail in the hair. She also knows that if she runs to the store really quick with the hopes that she doesn't run into anyone that she almost certainly will run into someone.

She understands that fears of failure, not measuring up, overwhelm, and all of that are normal. They don't define her. In fact, she's learning that those things that she worries about are the very things that make her stronger.

She has sometimes learned the art of the whisper. When they get loud - she whispers. And if she forgot this one now she'll remember.

She can store a month's worth of dates and appointments in a calendar in her head. Most of the time. For the other times she's thankful for her phone.

She understands that time keeps moving and tries really hard to embrace the days that she is given. And sometimes, on those days that are just plain hard, she's truly grateful that time does keep moving.



She knows when to put down her phone and shut the computer screen but she's not afraid to use them or to give herself a break or to pull out her camera to take a picture.

She can remove toys from their packaging in record time and can assemble toys just as fast. And she knows where batteries might possibly be for those needed toys or which toys to take them out of so that the new toy can have them.

She tapes artwork on the fridge, wipes handprints off the wall, sweeps dirt from the floor, rescues baseball gloves from the grass, puts books back on the shelf, cheers from the sidelines, gives up her coat, and pours hundreds of glasses of water all the while remembering that it is just a season, a window of time, in life.

She may be weary and deep down need sweet reminders of worth. Like you matter. You're amazing. You make a difference. You can do this. You are mom - a hero. Stuff like that.

She is a mom. A brave, empowered, go-getter, fighter, beautiful, trying to remember the little things, stepping out in faith, tucking them into bed at night and being grateful, mom.

It's the little ordinary it's just a mom things that make a mom.

What little thing do you love about being a mom?

******

Need encouragement? 21 of my Dear Mom Letters are now together - they are the letters about why you are not failing, why you matter, and what to do on those overwhelming motherhood days.
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10 Things To Remember About Motherhood

Some simple things that I believe mothers need to remember on that motherhood journey. They are the words I would tell my daughters as they begin their motherhood journey and would love to tell my younger self as a mother. They are words about being brave and moving forward and realizing that because being a mother matters so much and that what moms do makes a difference.

Ten Things to Remember About Motherhood

1. It's not a sprint. Even though you may feel like you are out of breath and worn out with mothering, motherhood is simply not a sprint. It is a steady race, with moments of sprinting, moments of catching your breath, and moments where you sit on the sideline with your head in your hands gathering resolve, courage, and strength to keep on going.  Those moments, those keep up the pace moments, are the moments that build character and strengthen resolve. And, yet, remember that even though it's not a sprint there will be days when you say it moves so fast - they are the moments when you look at the teenager and sigh and wonder where the toddler went.

2. There will be moments that are plain hard. Often, these moments can be over the littlest things. Reasoning with a toddler about which shirt to choose or dealing with a defiant six year old or wiping up spilled milk all over the just mopped floor. And then there are moments that are challenging - finances, relationships, real life - all tucked within the motherhood journey. Don't be surprised when the hard moments come, but also know that those are the moments that shape you as a mother and will surprise you with your strength. Don't expect to savor every moment - I think too often the precedent is out there that we need to love every second - not true. Instead, learn to love the little things, yes, but also expect that there will be sometimes that simply are challenging. It's a balance.

3. There will be amazing moments. Surprisingly, these will often be the moments that you least expect - the impromptu little events tucked into a busy life. These are the moments that Hallmark loves but cannot be scripted into life. When those sweet moments come - celebrate them - write them down - and simply remember them as those gifts of time that you were blessed to share with your family. These are the sweet days in life when every thing seems to work perfectly and your heart is content and the kids are being great and the living room stayed fairly clean and you made dinner and everyone loved it and your to-do list was almost done - savor those times - for they are gifts.



4. You will mess up. Every mother, every person makes mistakes. Mistakes don't define. Learn from them, change the pattern, and move on. Mistakes teach us about ourselves, bless us with humility, and make us more determined in who and what we want to be. There is power in the words I am sorry and then working to make a change. Don't fear messing up - know that it will happen - and instead use those times as a time to be better and to grow. And yes, your children will survive even if you don't have everything perfect. And, remember, honestly, that the moments that matter are the moments where you stop, slow down, and sit. Maybe the house isn't perfect, the dinners not perfect, but that doesn't truly matter - what matters is the giving of you and the willingness to keep on going.

5. You will astound yourself. Yes. This. You may not see it now, but when you you look back at your day, week, month, years, and time of motherhood there will be moments nestled in there where you will be amazed at the great strength that you had. Those moments are there, dear mother who feels like she is in the trenches right now, they are there. And those moments are sometimes the simplest, most overlooked things that you do everyday. Those milk pouring, hand holding, running in the backyard, and caring for kids moments matter - those are the moments of deep strength and perseverance.

6. Your patience will be pushed to the limits. I never understand patience until I had children. You know - the thirty-four times you're asked for a snack in the morning even though you have a snack time or the hunt for the shin guards for soccer that are supposed to be placed in the same spot but once again are lost or the what's for dinner cries or the reasoning with a toddler over which shirt to wear - motherhood is about learning patience. Being a mother has taught me that there are some battles not worth fighting and have also taught me the strength and power of patience. The great thing about patience? It can (and will) be learned.



7. There is no perfect mother. That perfect mother ideal simply doesn't exist. Give yourself grace to make a mistake and move on. Grace is a powerful gift - one that needs to be extended to not only our children but also to ourselves. Sometimes the bar of motherhood is held so high that it is easy to miss all the beautiful and meaningful things that you do every single day. Learn to celebrate those things - the times where you said yes or pulled up your boot straps and kept going or when you try. Being a good mother doesn't mean being a perfect mother. Honestly, the perfect mother is the real mother who has the ability to embrace the little things, to give herself grace, and to admit where she truly is in the day to day. It's not about being perfect - it's about progress.

8. Your instinct is a powerful gift. So much of being a mother is learned by actually being a mother. So much of what I've learned from being a mother has been because I've walked through it. Mothers are blessed with instinct - learn to listen to it and trust it. But don't hesitate to ask for help, advice, or encouragement. It is not a reflection on motherhood strength to ask for help - rather it is the opposite - sometimes the greatest moments of strength are when one humbles self and asks for help.

9. Many days if feels like you are moving in a giant circle doing the same thing again and again. Because, well, you really are doing the same things again and again. This is why patience is put into play. This giant circle may feel like it's going around and around but it's still creeping forward, still moving on, and this is the gift of normal. Those everyday things - the making of mac and cheese, the putting pony tails in the hair, the slammed car doors, the tying of shoes, the answering of why again and again, those are the normal motherhood moments. They may not feel beautiful, but I have this feeling that one day we all will look back and sigh and remember the normal as so incredibly beautiful and something to be cherished.

10. You will find the strength you have within. You have strength. Power. Tenacity. Vision. The patience of a saint. And this is what I celebrate. It's the brave mother portion - that part of you that stays up all night holding puke buckets and still keeps going. It's the part of you that wonders if all of this mothering stuff makes a difference and deep down knows that what you are doing matters and makes a life difference. It's the braveness to drop a child off at school or at the airport or at camp or to bring one home and into your life. Motherhood is brave. It is such a testimony to the strength of you. Do not ever underestimate what you are doing, dear mother. You are brave.



So today, brave mother, in whatever state of your motherhood journey is I want to encourage you to first remember how deeply what you do matters and second to continue to press on as a mother. One day, one step, one clean kitchen and folded sock and car ride, after another.

Brave mother. That's what you truly are.

How about you? What would you add?

*****

May is National Celiac Disease Awareness Month. As many of you know, my son Samuel was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in January 2011 at 15 months old. Please join me for discussion and encouragement with gluten free living on the Udi's Gluten Free Community Boards "target=_blank"<-link. I am so thankful for their dedication and commitment to making safe gluten free food that tastes amazing. Need encouragement? 21 of my Dear Mom Letters are now in convenient ebook format - they are the letters about why you are not failing, why you matter, and what to do on those overwhelming motherhood days.
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thirty-five powerful ways to be

Simple mindset statements that are powerful ways to live. Be blessed. ~Rachel

Be bold.

Be kind.

Be loving.

Be aware and awake.

Be intentional.

Be joyful.

Be authentic.

Be empathetic.

Be understanding.

Be a dreamer.

Be learning.

Be giving.

Be a listener.

Be positive.

Be helpful.

Be approachable.

Be genuine.

Be brave.

Be real.

Be creative.

Be the change.

Be determined.

Be rooted.

Be balanced.

Be good to others.

Be compassionate.

Be purposeful.

Be forgiving.

Be strong.

Be inspiring.

Be generous.

Be loving.

Be wise.

Be a voice.

Be you.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

*******

for those of you wanting to share your friday favorite links feel free to add below. This is week 111 of intentional - focused - loving the little things- finding joy gratitude.

102 Things to do with Kids in the Winter

Yesterday I was writing an email to a friend describing my dear mom letter posts. In the midst of the description I started joking about a hypothetical letter - Dear Mom in the Middle of Winter when the kids are running crazy and everyone is a bit stir crazy and you are all out of coffee and you don't know what to do. Now, I didn't write that letter, although I could because I've been living in a home where the outside world only had a high of -2 yesterday, but instead I've listed 102 activities to do with kids in the winter. Some are obvious, some a bit out there, most are free, but they are all ideas to help these long days pass by.

Enjoy!

1. Remember winter doesn't last forever.
2. Read, read, read, and read.
3. Paint.
4. Make Egg Yolk Paint and be super cool.
5. Bake cookies.
6. Have your kids help you bake cookies. Or cake. With lots of sprinkles.

7. Read books again.
8. Set up a treasure hunt.
9. Watch two movies - In a row.
10. Sort the toys.
11. Make a fort with blankets.
12. Write stories together.
13. Look through old pictures.
14. Take funny photos.
15. Have a tic tac toe championship.
16. Make sock puppets.
17. Go sledding -or go to the park.
18. Make puppets.
19. Make a puppet stage and a puppet show.
20. Be grateful and write your gratitude list (free printable).

21. Make snow icecream. Just use clean snow.
22. Read Laura Ingalls Wilder's book "The Long Winter".
23. Make snow paint.
24. Play Simon Says.
25. Make a movie.
26. Make a family newspaper.
27. Trace everyone's hands and write the date on paper.
28. Blow bubbles outside - if it gets cold enough - and watch them shatter.
29. Weave construction paper.
30. Write letters to grandparents or friends or missionaries.
31. Do indoor jumping jacks.
32. Color.
33. Tell knock knock jokes.
34. Build a snowman - or look at pictures of snowmen.

35. Have hot cocoa with extra marshmallows.
36. Look at pictures of Hawaii. Or beaches.
37. Play madlibs.
38. Play board games.
39. Dance.
40. Have a tea party.
41. Or dress up like knights.
42. Make playdough.
43. Make silly faces on the computer with the webcam software.
44. Sing. Or maybe not.
45. Call a friend have her bring her kids over and be prepared for noise.
46. Make musical instruments - fill tubes with beans or rice and duct tape ends shut.
47. Use old boxes to build things.
48. Play with legoes.

49. Fold socks.
50. Cut out snowflakes.
51. Rotate toys.
52. Put a puzzle together.
53. Use missing puzzle pieces to decorate the edge of a frame.
54. Go for a nature walk.
55. Look for tracks in the snow.
56. Create tracks in the snow.
57. Make a snow angel.
58. Make maps with brown postal paper.

59. Make a noodle (in our case gluten free) necklace.
60. Cut out hearts for Valentine's Day.
61. Look through cookbooks.
62. Play Follow the Leader.
63. Write your top ten favorite things about summer.
64. Write your top ten favorite things about winter.
65. Make homemade pizza.
66. Line your chairs in a line so it's like a train.
67. Laugh. At least try.
68. Teach them to play checkers.
69. Don't always let them win at checkers.
70. Play slapjack.
71. Or Go Fish.
72. Make your own playing cards.
73. Make a homemade bird feeder. Or put out bird food and simply watch the birds.

74. Clean out the cabinets.
75. Play Jenga.
76. Remember, again, that winter doesn't last forever.
77. Lead a parade through your home.
78. Rock the baby to sleep and then just sit there.
79. Play the alphabet game.
80. Wash potatoes.
81. Make potato stamps.
82. Finger paint (put an old shower curtain under the table)
83. Break out the glitter.
84. Play with blocks.
85. Make a pretend library.
86. Play Hide and Go Seek.

87. Set up a hopscotch on your floor.
88. Play dress up. Or sort through your clothes.
89. Listen to soundtracks.
90. Make patterns with matchbox cars.
91. Tell each other 5 things you love about them.
92. Make a timeline of fabulous moments in your kids lives.
93. Count to 1000
94. Mix colors.
95. Pull out the markers and stamps and construction paper.
96. Clap and teach different rhythms.
97. Create your own books.
98. Count the days until Spring.
99. Go sledding.
100. Go ice fishing. You've got to experience it once.
101. Or play in the snow.

101. And remember, once again, winter doesn't last forever.

What do you do love to do on those long winter days?


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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.