How to Be a Better Mom in Five Steps

Secret: I've been waiting to do that title for months.

You all know me. I joke about how there isn't one parenting book out there that will teach how to master the art of motherhood in thirteen steps spread out over two weeks with just three hours a day spent at the low cost of $19.95. Nope. Not one. Not one easy program for becoming the perfect mother.

So what's with the title? What's with this Be a Better Mom stuff from me?

Well, I'm going to write five ways to be a better mom. But, it's probably not what you're thinking it will be. Nope. It's not about steps. It's not a program. It's not going to guarantee that you wake up tomorrow and that your hair is fabulous so you don't need the shower and that your go-to jeans look killer and your black top doesn't have spit up stains on the shoulder. Nope. It's not going to put the dinner in the oven early, nor guarantee that all of your laundry is completed and <gasp> actually put away in drawers. Nope.

These five steps are things you already do. They're the Being a Mom is Enough steps of motherhood.

Here you go.

1. Stop Comparing. Your kids need you.  You. You're the perfect mom for those kids of yours. I know sometimes you might not feel like you are or you might even be thinking how in the world you got stuck with such a crazy spitfire of a little human that refuses to ever stay in bed. Yeah. I get that. I've had those moments wondering why I'm qualified to teach, to raise, to train, and to be the mom to my kids. But, I'm telling you, that you, right now, are the mom that they need. Not your friend next door. Or the mom at soccer that seems to always always always have it perfectly together while you come racing in with your double stroller late. Again. (That doesn't matter. You made it there.) Not the mom on facebook with the cool fall craft and clean kitchen.

So, no more comparing. No more thinking that if I was just like her that life would be perfect. Nope. You are their mother. And they need and love you. Even if sometimes they slam the door shut to their rooms and yell I hate you. Even then.

2. Love yourself. Take care of yourself.  I know, kind of weird, right? But, it's true. You need to take care of you in this motherhood journey as well. Now, I'm not talking about the kind of take care of yourself where you count your shower as your free time. Wait. There are seasons in life where that is free time. New moms - I want you to savor every single shower that you get. Savor. Okay, wait, again. All moms - savor the shower moments - or at least the 48 seconds between knocks and cries for mom.

But, seriously, take time for yourself. And love yourself - value yourself. Cultivate your gifts, your talents, and don't let them fade away just because you're mom. Let them grow and let them flourish. It is so good for your kids to see you doing things you love and to take care of yourself. That's what they need to remember - not a mom who wore herself out completely. Rest is good. Laughter is good. Taking care of yourself is excellent.

3. Don't expect perfection. From yourself. From your life. From your kids. From your friends. Just don't expect perfection. Life is so far from perfect, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. In fact, I will argue that because life isn't perfect that is what makes it most beautiful. The moments where you discover your strength and your bravery and your capacity to love another person aren't in the moments when everything is smooth sailing. They are in the moments when you surprise yourself with this deep strength tucked inside.

They are in the times when you simply decide to give yourself grace and keep on trying. They're when you pull up your bootstraps. When you decide that even if it isn't perfect that life is beautiful. They're in the simple seconds of breath in between the crazy moments of stress. It's in simply being a mom and trying again and again and again.

4. Let Your Kids Be Kids. They are kids. They are not mini adults, nor mini-you's. They are unique, fabulous, challenging at moments, wonderful, crazy, energetic, emotional, crying, laughing, jumping on couches, learning, unbelievably cool, independent people. And right now, they are kids. They are learning what it takes to be adults, they are growing, and they need to be taught.

But they also need to be kids. They need to spend times making messes. Playing with paints. Running outside. Creating. Building. Taking apart. Laughing. Learning. Jumping. Exploring. Reading. They need to be kids. And you can gift them with that space - that wonderful space called childhood that can so easily be sucked out of the everyday by the busy demands of our culture. Let them be kids.

5. Celebrate the Little Things. My hashtag that I put on almost every single instagram that I do is #littlethingsmatter - find me at finding_joy - and there's a reason. Life is a collection of these little moments, these snippets of time, that when woven together creates your story, your life, your motherhood journey. It's easy to constantly look to the next big event as the moment that will make motherhood amazing or your kid's life fabulous. We all know those moments are fabulous.

But so are the simple moments. Looking at the stars at night and pointing out Orion's Belt. Letting your three year old dump the powdered cheese into the macaroni noodles and letting them stir. Playing in the sandbox together. Reading books at night. Being a family. Maybe your time is fragmented. Maybe you only have moments at night. Those times matter. Greatly. Your seven year old will remember the extra scoop that you put in the ice cream. Or when you let him stay up fifteen minutes later. It really is the little things.

Five steps.Here's a secret. You probably already do these things. Maybe instead of this being a post about being a better mom it's a post telling you why you're a fabulous mom. Or you're mom enough. (link) Or not to worry.

Onward brave mother. Onward.

Those kids grow. You're doing fine. One day, one mothering moment, after another.

What things would you add to this list? I'd like to put on there that laundry completed doesn't matter. And you? 

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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to the tired mom

Last night my four year old decided to sleep next to me.

He slept amazing.

I didn't sleep. Sleeping with a four year old is like sleeping next to the hands of a clock. As the night wore on I was inevitably met with feet in my face then hands and then back to feet.

I woke tired. More than tired. I woke wondering why I don't have my red mini Keurig set up in my room waiting with a mug underneath and all I have to do is hit brew.

He woke up happy.

I love you mommy.

He had no idea how tired I really was or how my back was sore or how I really just wanted to sleep for five more minutes - he just was grateful to see me.

And you?

Are you a tired mom?

Are you waking up wishing for more hours in the day? Are you pushing yourself to limits that you didn't have? Working? Cleaning? Mothering? Wondering? Dealing with kids that are fighting over whose turn it is to play Club Penguin on the computer? (or maybe that's just me) Are you wondering whether what you're doing every day makes a difference? Are you tired of the same routine?

Sometimes being a mom means simply being tired.

Sometimes being a mom means feeling a bit lonely. Like no one else notices what we're doing. After all, no one would know that I had maybe a solid 42.4 minute chunk of sleep last night except that I wrote about it. Well, the gals at Starbucks might know when I come in and ask for a venti caramel macchiato. (Be ready, my Barista friends.)

Motherhood is so often this giving of self in our homes that no one sees. We work. We make macaroni and cheese and forget to take the noodles off and so they become mushy. We pick up Little Tikes toys in the backyard again and again and wonder why we have so much plastic. We fold frayed towels, match socks, call doctors, wash walls that have handprints on them, wash sticky faces, help with long division (is it ever easy for any child?), clean the kitchen, wipe down the microwave after our nine year old decided to zap something for too long, we go to work, come home from work, we work at home, we mother all day, we do whatever that each of our stories are, and then we go to bed.

Yeah, we could argue that it's just motherhood. And it's just what moms have had to do forever.

You know what? We have. Since the beginning of time moms have had to get up, had to deal with kid issues, money issues, teaching issues, health issues, and so on.

But,just because we've always had to do something doesn't mean it doesn't need to be celebrated and honored. Motherhood, parenthood, they're amazing things. It's not just roses and sunshine and skipping though the meadows holding hands. It's real hard stuff. Stuff that doesn't seem like it will push us to our limits and yet it does. Stuff that gives us great joy and puts a smile on our face and an hour later has us wondering why in the world the four year old is making us want to pull our hair out.

We go into the world and do our jobs and smile at the other preschool moms and order our lattes and drive down the interstate and get groceries and we smile.

You're not alone. Do you hear me?

You. are. not. alone.

The other moms in preschool, at the grocery store, at work, at school, at co-op classes, at the doctor's office, at where ever you may be, well chances are that they might feel tired as well. Wondering about all this motherhood stuff. Yet, still giving of self for those kids that you love.

So today, today, I stand up and salute you the tired, and yet amazing, mom. You the mom with no sleep. You the mom who needs encouragement. You the mom who works and works and works for her family and it feels like no one notices. You the mom with those three kids under five who never gets a break. You the mom with the newborn who never gets sleep. You the mom staying up late waiting for the teen to come home. You the mom. Plain and simple. You, the mom.

Motherhood is a brave journey. It's always been this brave thing to raise another independent, pushing the limits, melt your heart at night, love them forever even when they drive you crazy, human.

That's what you're doing. Even on those tired days.

You. The amazing, brave, empowered, no sleep yet fighting, awesome, cool, mom.  

Who needs sleep anyway, right? (oh yeah, and get that extra shot at Starbucks)

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

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five steps to finding quiet in a noisy world.

Yesterday I decided to drive the back way home from Target. I bypassed the interstate and turned down the side road and drove for several miles through the very green countryside. I turned off the radio, had the phone put away, and opened the window just a bit.

It was quiet.

Now, before you think this is going to be a rally cry against media let me reassure you - it's not. There is nothing wrong with media - facebook, twitter, pinterest, iphones, etc - in fact, they are a needed thing into today's digitally saturated world. In fact, truthfully,  I absolutely love them - they keep life connected, they provide me an outlet to write, and I've made great friends via them. This isn't a cry to turn it off. This is, instead, some simple strategies to maintain balance in a media rich world that often is rarely quiet.

These are just five simple steps to cultivating times of quiet in a noisy world.

1. Turn it off. Ha. First advice was to turn it off. But not permanently, just intentionally every once in a while. No Pandora, no phone calls, no alerts, no checking facebook, no twitter, no nothing. Just for a bit - turn it off. I used to seek out flights that have go-go wi-fi (which I still love), but now I actually enjoy flying when there is no option for the internet - where I am forced to read, to rest, and to be quiet. And Pandora? I can go through the entire day listening to music - which is great - but not quiet. So I've had to work to remove the earbuds and to simply just listen to the world around me.

2. Pare down. There is so much information. I was looking through my facebook stream and there were multiple news articles, business tips, inspirational quotes, ads, links to blogs with articles on sunscreen, links to blogs that were inspirational, just links, activities for the summer, and more. There were pictures, status updates, political arguments (yeah, too many of those in my stream), promos, coupons, quirky updates, and more. It's crazy busy. So adopt the less is more strategy with media as well. For instance, on my iphone I have only a couple photo apps - vsco, instagram, and afterlight - that's it. I know, and trust me I know, that there are many fabulous apps. I just don't have time, so I use these, and I try to use them well. I've adopted the less is more strategy with regards to apps, fb, etc... I need what I can manage.

3. Establish times of quiet. Just like turning off the media, it's a great idea to cultivate spaces within your day or at least within your week that are quiet. It can be a walk around the block. Getting up early and watching the sunrise. Taking a nap (yes, this counts). Baking cookies with the kids (not quiet, but free from the constant social chatter). Just make a point of establishing moments of quiet in your day. It's a great discipline to train your mind to see the little things in life, and sometimes the constant noise makes the little moments blur by and then they are missed.

4. Keep your perspective. Someone once told me that social media is like seeing the highlight reel of other people's lives. It's a collection of the best moments, the sweetest times, etc... Yes, I know there are those vents, but seriously, how often do you read them before you block that person? And so what's often left is this continuing loop of everything that is good (or sometimes a loop of really hard things and tragedies). Keep your perspective. You and I both know that life is so far from the highlight reel most of the time. It's full of messy moments, puke at 2am, relationship disasters, moms who are worn out and don't care about doing some project on pinterest, and all of that. Perspective helps. Keep it.

5. Accept that there will always be noise. That's the reality. Unless you decide to go off the grid or live in the north woods of Alaska or out on an island in the middle of the South Pacific. It's just noisy now. Constant, constant, constant noises. Accept it. Don't fight it. Somehow in the acknowledging of the noise we're then not being controlled by the noise. You can turn it off. There's the button on top of the iphone or the silence all or the pause on the radio. And you can keep it on. And they are both good. Yes, that's the bottom line. They're both good.

It's a balance - living in a digital world and still needing those simple quiet moments. It's possible. But, it's also intentional. Purposeful. And well worth it.

What are your best strategies for maintaining quiet in a very noisy digital world?

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six {simple} ways to teach children intentional living

Last year I wrote a Ten Day Series on Intentional Parenting {link} and in that series I shared some practical ways to be more intentional in our parenting journey. Today I'm sharing six simple ways to teach the idea of living with an intentional heart for kids. It's easy to get distracted in this saturated world of noise and to move through life lulled asleep putting off things to do today until tomorrow. Intentional living, to me, simply means having an awareness that the time we are given is truly a gift - it's a letting go of the mistakes while learning from them, pulling up our bootstraps and trying, and celebrating the small moments nestled in the fabric of a normal life.

Here are just six {simple} ways to teach intentional living to kids. These are more mindset types of goals versus the goals of listening, helping others, and scheduling one's day. These mindset, life goals, help those other goals found in intentional living happen. Here they are:

They need time alone.
In freedom, there is often learning, and especially creativity. Watch little ones when they are able to just play, to explore, and to invent - often they don't follow the rules, the instructions, but instead are able to simply create, to understand life, and to develop independence. It's quite easy to overstructure our children - providing them with things to do every minute - but we can bless them with the gift of simply being, of playing, in the midst of their days by creating space that is unstructured within their days. They need those moments - those imaginative moments in childhood - as those times teach them to be out of the box thinkers as adults. We need more of those in this culture - people who are willing to dream big, to create, to imagine and then implement and follow through on those big dreams.



Goals, rules, and expectations.
Coupled with space within the day to create there also needs to be a framework of goals and expectations. I like to say that often I've given my kids space - like a "fenced in area" that they are free to explore in - but if you break the ultimate rule {the boundary} then there is a consequence that has to be dealt with. Lack of rules leads to a lack of respect for others and authority. Children need boundaries. Work with your children to figure out goals and then work with them to achieve goals. Sometimes in the process of working after goals we find that they need to be revised, changed, or even let go. That's okay. It's the target and the constant effort to move towards a goal that matters - it's that journey to the destinations that matters most.

Not every moment is a moment to be savored.
Several months ago I wrote about the myth of the perfect day {link} and why that simply isn't a reality. Here's the deal, when one lives life with an intentional heart sometimes people think that every moment must not be wasted. Certainly it means looking at life with eyes that are aware and awake, but it also does not mean that every single moment things have to be done, used, finished, celebrated, etc... that would not only be exhausting, but would also be incredibly discouraging as life is often far from perfect. There is a good deal of worth in resting and chilling out. That needs to happen and we can bless our children with the knowledge of cultivating this space within their days. Sometimes those tough moments in life are the greatest teachers for our kids. We want to protect them, but they also need to learn how to deal with times that aren't perfect.

Thoughts matter.
Your thoughts matter, your children's thoughts matter - thoughts matter. Do you pay attention to the constant dialogue of thoughts that run through your mind? If not - you must. In Dear Mom Who Thinks that She is a Terrible Mom Sometimes {link} I share how you absolutely must pay attention to the thoughts that run through your mind. Teach this to your children as well. You see, you are not your emotion. Your emotions - frustration, joy, anxiety, etc - they all teach us things. But, they don't define us. Reframe your words from I'm frustrated to I'm feeling frustrated. There is great power in stepping back and restructuring the thoughts that run through your head. For kids it is important to recognize that the emotions that they feel - those worries, not measuring up, anxiety, etc... are not definers of who they are at the core. The emotion can lead us to a solution. For instance, overwhelm is an alert that something isn't working, there is too much on the plate, etc... when overwhelm hits it's a sign to step back and re-evaluate. Mindset, to me, is a great part of living intentional. Mindset matters.

Embrace the Gift of Today.
Don't put off the things that you can do today for tomorrow. Teach this to your children.  Sometimes normal can simply be lost, as we've seen again this week withe devastation in Oklahoma, and with that we realize again the absolute gift of normal. Start to live today with an attitude of gratitude for today and work with your children to adopt this as well. It can be simple things - going around the table at night and listing things that you were thankful for - those things begin to force one to look, to seek, to find joy in the normal. Your children watch you, observe you, and learn from you. Teach them to embrace today. But, of course, remember - the not every moment will matter point - it's not about trying to love every moment. It's about seeking moments in the midst of life that you are thankful for.



Live boldly.
I want my children to be changers in this world. To me, a changer is someone who is willing to speak their mind, is strong in their convictions, and is willing to give of themselves for others at times. Teach them to hold the door, look at others when they speak, express gratitude, and fight for what is important. There is power in raising a generation of people who are willing to live boldly. Living boldly doesn't mean being arrogant, but honestly, to me, means seeing others in this world beyond oneself and living for the dreams that one is gifted with- to go after your dreams, use your talents, care for others. You as a parent have the awesome gift to be the one to hear them express those dreams, those goals, and expectations. Listen to them, support them, and encourage them - and you'll often find that their energy and zeal for life inspires your own outlook. Teach your kids, and remind yourself, to believe in those dreams and live a life of boldness

Six simple things that embrace the intentional mindset. It's not about pursuing a life of perfection, but rather is about living a life grateful for today, with hope for the future, recognizing that there are so many moments where life is about pulling up the bootstraps and trying again, and yet underneath it all being willing to live with a deep posture of gratitude for joy and good nestled within the normal.

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thirty-five powerful ways to be

Simple mindset statements that are powerful ways to live. Be blessed. ~Rachel

Be bold.

Be kind.

Be loving.

Be aware and awake.

Be intentional.

Be joyful.

Be authentic.

Be empathetic.

Be understanding.

Be a dreamer.

Be learning.

Be giving.

Be a listener.

Be positive.

Be helpful.

Be approachable.

Be genuine.

Be brave.

Be real.

Be creative.

Be the change.

Be determined.

Be rooted.

Be balanced.

Be good to others.

Be compassionate.

Be purposeful.

Be forgiving.

Be strong.

Be inspiring.

Be generous.

Be loving.

Be wise.

Be a voice.

Be you.

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for those of you wanting to share your friday favorite links feel free to add below. This is week 111 of intentional - focused - loving the little things- finding joy gratitude.

little things matter. the ripple effect moments in life.

My friend Amy shared a story with me about the impact that we leave with others. It was a raw story, filled with emotion, about how the effect of our words and actions leaves a ripple effect in the lives of others. It was about a moment in time that won't be forgotten and about the effect actions a stranger had on her life. One encounter, and yet, a life of remembering it.

So often I race through life unaware of the ripple that I'm leaving. I'm short at the store. I respond to my kids with annoyance. I scowl as I drive down the road late. I ignore holding the door because I'm focused on my own agenda. I complain about all that isn't going well and miss seeing the good.

Ripple effects.

Deep down, I don't want to leave a trail of negativity. In fact, I write so much about joy and seeking it and actively finding it because in that is a posture of the heart that embraces the positive. This world is full of negative - from the news, to sickness, to financial situations, to relationships - that there needs to be an effort to live more positive. Awake, in a way. It's this recognizing of the fact that we're not in this world for ourselves. As soon as we begin to look at this world through the lens of just me then we lose the reality of the impact we have on the lives of others.

What if we held that door for that woman racing into Target? What if we smiled more when we paid for our coffee? What if we got to know the names of the baristas at Starbucks? What if we paid for the coffee for the person behind us? What if we helped bag someone's groceries who was trying to deal with a two year old? What if we intentionally said something kind to those we meet? What if our words were tempered with grace instead of cynicism? What if we instead of life focusing just on me it's more on we?

Little things matter.

There's a reason I write about the little things - it's because those little things are really the big things in life. They are often the start of the ripple. It's powerful when we become aware of the little things and begin to appreciate them with deserved appreciation. Those little things are the normal things - the moments in life that we overlook so often, but that truly does matter.

My challenge to you today? To look for the positive, the good in life, and to be a person that changes lives. Maybe it's in the little things - the simple smiles and sweet words - or maybe it's in a big dramatic way. You have the power, the choice, today to make a difference. I believe in you.

It can be in doing life and reading an extra book. It can be in giving our kids the benefit of the doubt. It can be thinking of the good in people first. It can be in simply being a person who listens. Those things matter - it's the power in the moment when you choose to look beyond just you and see the world full of people where so many just need a breath of grace or joy or I believe in you.



Look for the positive. You and I and the next person are truly blessed with each day that we are given to live. We're blessed with normal. We just need to remember it. Remembering that will set our minds - it will set the target. If our target is to be a generation of people that gives others grace and looks to the good then we are truly powerful. We'll have days where we mess up, oh my, I've got plenty. You can read my archives about failing, and when I forgot to say yes, and on and on and on. But, you can also know that my heart is about believing in people, believing in you, and empowering you and me to know that what we do every single day matters.

In a world of so much harshness it needs more good.

Make a choice today. Look for the good. Be positive. Give yourself grace.

It starts with you and me and then next person and the next.

Ripple.

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for those of you interested in linking your friday favorite things post simply add your link below. This is week 110 of simple intentional finding joy in the little things gratitude. Blessings!

seeing the beauty found in the in between

A follow up and reflections on the post beautiful ordinary motherhood days. 

In a world of completed projects, and do it yourselfs, and pinterest pins, sometimes there feels to be little space for the in between times in life. Space for the not quite so perfect, the tries, the flops, and the normal days. For the project that certainly doesn't look like it belongs on a pinterest board, that doesn't need to be photographed, and for the glorious mess of creativity that is often left behind.

The in between times don't get that grandiose look at me celebration that the ends do.

Though they should. Somehow the path to end has been blurred by finished pictures of the end. We're shown a constant barrage of endings all the time. Finished rooms, crafts, cookies, ball jar projects, clean vehicles, health secrets, gardens, kids clothes, school projects, Mother's Day crafts, and more. We plan our lives with a list of finishes - when we get done with this we'll do that, when this changes then I can do this, if only I can get this room the way I like it, this project, that job, it's all goals. Goals are good. Yes, goals and ends are good. Do not NOT have goals. I believe in them. In fact, I'm so goal orientated that I tend to lose sight of the everyday. Which is one of the reasons I write about the little things, about the journey. The end goals are beautiful.

But so is the in between.

I remember when I was little and would get these Lego sets. I'd rip open the box and I'd start to build. Piece after piece after piece after piece. There was this excitement, this work, this building, and anticipation of the end creation. And then, then the finished project would be there. Done. And part of me was just a bit sad.

I loved the building part. The creative. The steps. The working to see it completed.

Sometimes we miss that in a culture that celebrates the ends in life.

Get the trophy. Graduate. Get married. Have children. Go to Disney. Get the good job. Get good grades. Have a great yard (well, that seems to be the thing in my neighborhood). Finish this. All good things. Ends.

But there is also tremendous beauty to be celebrated in the moments in between the ends. Now I'm not talking about making every moment a faux image of perfection like we were waltzing down the street in Disney World. I'm instead talking about looking and celebrating our end goals but also looking at the in between moments with the same fervor. What if we celebrated the path? The steps? The process of movement? The times where we have to will ourselves to stand up again and keep trying? The times where it looks bleak and yet we hold onto the littlest strand of faith? The times when it just seems like failing and yet it really wasn't because we were trying? The mornings when everything is crazy and yet we sit on the couch and read a story? Or the times where the door is shut and we have to muster the courage to find a new door?

Think of the beauty found in the in between. In the times when we tried and tried and tried and even though it never worked how we imagined yet it still worked. It's in the kid's projects that don't look anything like the project on the screen and yet our kids are happy. It's in paint all over the table and paintings that don't look like much, but are masterpieces in the littles eyes. Pinnable? Maybe not. But, it's perfect. It's perfect because it teaches us, it teaches our children, about life. It's about perseverance, trying, not giving up, cultivating vision, and being creative.

The process, the working, the side by side struggles, often matters more than the end image.

Motherhood happens on the in between. Life is in the in between moments. The ends are the marks, but life, the story, is in between.

Remember that almost every end that you see took flops, steps, and perseverance. Attempts after attempts after attempts. I remind my children often about Edison and the lightbulb and all of the times he tried it. Or Samuel Morse up in the laboratory that also served as his home developing the telegraph. Trying, trying, trying. Over and over. And I tell them to imagine if they had stopped just one time before the end was there?

It's that trying, that in between places in life where character is born, tenacity is sharpened, and where the beauty of life and relationships happen. It's the start of courage and the beginning of strength. It's the little things, the moments, the learning, and the teeny joy moments of life.

There is always the in between.

It's that normal, that beautiful ordinary normal motherhood day, that the in between embodies. Really? Really it's life. Real life. And the beauty of life is most often found there - in the in between.

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seven things children can remind us about life

Sometimes children are the best teachers. They remind us, as adults, about seeing the joy in life, about pushing through fears, about laughing, and about being tenacious. Today I'm sharing some simple things that children do that we should remember to do in our own lives. Watch your children. Watch. Notice how they'll slow down enough to sit on the swing and think? We need to as well - don't race through today just to get to tomorrow - slow down, embrace life, and always learn.

Here are seven things children can remind us about life.

creativity matters 

If I had my way I'd keep all the Lego sets that we own in their appropriate boxes, with the instructions, and kept together the way the designers intended. My boys have decided that it is awesome to keep the sets this way - for about a week - and then after that they enter the large under-the-bed pull out drawer full of legos. And that is okay, in fact, that is good. They are creative people, not defined by simple instructions, and spend hours and hours creating new visions based off of pieces from different visions. Creativity matters - encourage it in your own life. Look for connections that aren't obvious, don't be afraid of a mess, and continually push yourself to embrace those creative moments in life. Often it is in slowing down and seeing the world through a lens that lets go of defined parameters and simply enjoying and embracing the moment.

always tell those you love you love them
The other day I was hurrying around the kitchen trying to find something to make for dinner for a very hungry family. I know, I know, I should plan my meals or get an app or work ahead, but I'm a really spontaneous person and so often when I do plan ahead like that I'm not in the mood to make those options for dinner. So I pay for it often at five pm. Anyways, I was crabby as I raced around and rather short with the kids. And the whole time my precocious Elijah kept saying Mom Mom Mom Mom. Finally, with exasperation in my voice I asked him what now, Elijah? Dinner is coming! And he looked at me and told me I love you, Mom. Simple words. He loved me right in the midst of me being crabby and exasperated and annoyed. Find time to tell those in your life that you love that you love them and that they matter to you. You never know the impact your words may have. So, when you're done reading, take a minute and email someone dear to you and tell them you love them. Words matter.

try, try, try again
Elijah has this Angry Birds set that he plays with every single day. He'll get up in the morning, pull out the blocks, build a set, knock it over, and try again. He'll do this over and over and over. I've observed him change his building habits - from simple structures to these complicated towers - and that's from continually trying. I've sat with my kids at the piano and pushed them to keep trying, to keep practicing, and to keep going. As a mother, this is simply something that must be embraced. It's like the domino days - we know they're going to fall over doing the day - and yet, we still must reset them and try again. Don't run from trying over and over and over. Each time is another step forward, another progress, and another learning moment. There is beauty in pulling up the boot straps, believing in a vision, and trying. Sometimes just getting through a day takes tremendous effort - don't dismiss that - and instead, hold your head high for the constant effort given.

don't be afraid to speak your mind
Anyone that has children will know that they are often unafraid to speak their minds. In our home, the culture of respect is established, but within that parameter there is freedom to speak one's heart. In fact, this is encouraged - with respect. Society needs individuals who are passionate and unafraid to speak up for what is right, for others, and for what they believe in. Children are very just orientated and will speak up if they see something as not fair. They will fight for themselves and for those that they love. Be a voice - but as I remind my kids - pick your battles - not everything is a battle that needs to be fought. But also be willing to speak up about your journey and your heart. Part of the beauty in the community that has developed here is the willingness to admit that motherhood is often so far from perfect and that we all have struggles, and yet we all encourage and support each other in our authenticity. As I always say - the world needs more real.

appreciate the relationships

Just like telling I love you throughout the day, I'll watch my children appreciate the relationships that they have with their siblings. Often it's in the can I wake my brother up now so that we can play type moments - to which I always and quickly say no because I love the quiet in the morning and some of my kids need more sleep - that they have with each other. They see the value in cultivating the relationships. The other day I took my daughter to Starbucks and bought her a frapp and as we were driving home I noticed she only drank half. When I asked her why she told me she was saving the other half for her older sister. That's investing in a relationship and appreciating those in your lives. Appreciate those relationships in your lives. Again tell those in your life that you are grateful for them. Go out of your way to express gratitude and thanks - words matter - and relationships in our lives are truly gifts.

it's okay to sing - be yourself

I'm not sure what it is about singing (or humming) but often there is one child in my home singing. Almost all the time. Except for the times when I establish the this is the absolute quiet level and there's no talking allowed rule there is inevitably singing. Or have you been to the store and heard a little one humming away? They're confident in who they are and in that moment those kids feel like singing. So often we stifle that part of ourselves - the kid part that just loves life - and conform to what we think the world defines us to be. Be yourself. I love my children for the crazy differences between all of them - the fact that Samuel loves to rock in the chair with me in the morning, and Caleb wants to take walks holding my hands, and that Brennan is constantly telling stories. Those differences make beauty. Learn to sing again. Appreciate life. 

celebrate the little things

Last year I wrote about Elijah and the joy he found in a box of straws that I brought home from the store. A 99cent box of colored straws {read let me see the straws} earned words about this being the best day ever. Kids celebrate life. They celebrate the little things - the sun in the morning, the crash of the Angry Birds set, the gum that you buy, the fact that they can jump in the puddles, snow falling, time with grandparents, oranges from the store, time spent reading a book, and the little things in life. Don't stop seeing those things, the gifts, in your own life. Allow the posture of your heart to be willing to look for something that you are grateful for in the midst of the everyday. Start to see the world with eyes like a child and appreciate the blessings in the everyday.

 Seven really simple things that children can teach us. Often I'm humbled by the reset that my children give - they stop me in my tracks of the busy and make me appreciate the moments in life. Or they remind me of courage, excitement, and joy. Embrace these things.

Which of these seven things do you need to remember today?

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the gift of grace

Grace.

That's a word that runs through my head most days. Give them grace, look at life with grace, and even give myself grace. Grace, it's so easy to say, and yet so hard often times to execute. As a writer, I aim to temper my words with grace - so that this site is a place of hope, motivation, and encouragement.

As a mother, I've found I need to do the same.

Live a life with grace. Live a life where I seek to understand before I judge. The deal is often I have an agenda - that list of things to do, places to go, my own opinions, and tasks to accomplish - that I am focused on completing. Then when real life happens, also known as the preschooler deciding that not one of his outfit selections that I gave him like we're told to do so that we avoid the outfit battle is the right one and as a result I'm late, the last thing I feels is grace. I feel like not seeking to understand, and pushing my agenda, and getting frustrated. Then I get annoyed over little things that all of a sudden feel like big things and all of a sudden I'm mad that the kitchen has a messy counter when fifteen minutes prior I was looking at it loving the little things like the gift of kids who put their used cups on the counter. I needed grace.

As women we have the gift to extend grace as well to others. Not jumping to judging, but rather giving the benefit of the doubt. I've seen it online - this judging of others - via facebook, or blogposts, or twitter - and honestly all it does, in my opinion, is not build relationships but rather tears down. On both sides. It's easier to judge and harder to extend grace. So just as with my children I've learned often to step back, to count to ten, and to be more concerned about the heart then my agenda.

I watch my kids - eager, full of ideas, imaginative - and still testing the limits, pushing, looking for boundaries. Parenting is such a balance of grace and limits, understanding and defining, nurturing and letting go. And wrapped over that for them and for you and for me is this blanket of grace.

Seek to understand, mothers. Seek.

When you're in that playgroup, online, at church, school, homeschool co-op, youth group, soccer meetings, family dinners, facebook - seek to understand first. Are there places to draw a line? Absolutely yes. But in those gray areas of parenting, and mothering, and being a friend, and in relationships, we need to remember the gift found in grace. We can be a generation of women with our own strands and agendas or we can forget unraveling and be stronger together.

I'll ask myself - does dwelling on this or making a statement about this or investing energy in this make a difference in my life today and the hearts of others? If so, then I'll consider pursuing it. If not, and if it's about me just making a statement or me just being led by emotions, then I'll move onward and let it go. Just like in parenting. There are battles to be fought, but not everything needs to be a battle. I tell my children that if they have a list of things they'd like to see changed if they come to me with the whole list then it's hard to listen, but if they come with their top two things then they've picked the battle, prioritized, and then we can move forward.

Do the same.

Where do you need to give others grace? Where do you need to extend grace to your children? Where do you need to extend grace to yourself? Where have you lost seeing grace? Where are you blessed to give grace? See the beauty things in life - the good - the gifts first.

Grace. Don't run from it. Give it.

A beautiful word, yet often so hard to implement and to remember. My challenge to you? Remember it today. Remember it when you browse the facebook stream, or when you're at the store observing others, or when you get email, or a phone call, or when your children seem to be pushing every limit possible, or even when you over react. Look at the heart. First.

The gift of grace. The world needs more of it.

And you, and me, together can give it.

******

A special thanks to my daughter Hannah for taking these pictures of my daughter Grace - I loved using them to illustrate the ideas of grace. To view more of Hannah's work please visit her photography site Hannah Nicole.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

no, I'm going to say yes.

Mom, can I come with? 

not today

Could I have a snack?

not right now

Mom, would you read with me?

no, later

Mom, would you play a game?

not at the moment

Can we paint?

no, it's too messy

Would you go outside with me?

no, I've got laundry

Where in the world did my YES go?

Yesterday, I listened to my words. I kept close attention to the automatic no's that came from my mouth. It is my natural tendency to say no -- before I even listen to the question.

So yesterday, I chose to intentionally sprinkle my no's with yes.

{because after all there are real reasons to say no that need to stay.}

Caleb came to me at 5:34 as I was running quick to the store to get extras for dinner.

Mom, can I please please please come with?

My mouth started to form that no word and I stopped.

Yep, Caleb, go grab your coat.

That sweet boy.

He grabbed his coat, flung it on, velcroed the worn and in-need of replacing black shoes on the wrong feet, looked at me with eager eyes, and grabbed my mittened hand.

We were just going to the grocery store.

But, for him, this was the adventure. A big deal.

And I almost told him no.

So as we walked through the Coborn's Market  he kept talking about how this was the best day ever. {which if you knew him is his trademark phase -- that and the worse day ever, which he might utter if I tell him to eat all the veggies on his plate.} We walked to the natural food section and began to look for some gluten free snacks.  Once he spotted these over-priced gluten free, yet made with juice, gummy worms he was set. He wanted those gummy worms.
So I told him yes.

I don't think that grocery store ever saw a happier boy wandering around clutching a $2.99 bag of gluten-free gummy worms talking about how he was so glad they were gluten free.

Ever.

We got to the car, and I opened those worms, and he pulled the first one out for me.

I wanted to get them for you because you don't eat gluten, mom.

And to think I almost missed it.

Let me tell you.

Yes was worth it.

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.