seven simple ways to simplify

Our family has been hit with influenza this week (explains the lack of posts) - including me the last two days. Nothing makes one simplify, step back, or let go more then the moments where one is forced into bed, with covers piled high, as a fever is battled. Still I fought resting - until several people told me the list can wait, the blog can wait, but I needed to rest. So I did. Fitfully. As I rested I thought about all the stuff downstairs that needed to be finished, and how I was behind, and that this really wasn't what I wanted to do. So I pondered some simple ways to simplify - mindset ways, actually. I hope they bless you. ~rachel

1. Expect that it will take time. I'm the gal that wants everything perfect before I start. Life is a journey, and in the journey things change. If everything was exactly the way we wanted it today then we'd have no goals to strive for. So we need to expect that change will take time. And with that we need tenacity and persistence. Keep going, keep going, keep going. Often we want to quit too soon and don't realize the strength we have within. (Btw - the best example of this I've seen is the Death Crawl scene in Facing the Giants)

2. Don't expect perfection. Remember? Me the perfectionist who doesn't want to be such a perfectionist? Just as it takes time, it also isn't perfect. Right now my living room looks like we just moved into this home. Piles and piles of presents and bags and boxes and paper and stuff. Normally? This is the day that I clean up and reclaim my home from all the Christmas stuff. Today I will be lucky if I leave my couch. And I have to recognize that even though it's not perfect, it's still good. My family is here, there's laughter upstairs, and we were blessed with many new things. All good. Perspective.

3. Let stuff go. See how they all relate? Today I'm having to really let the mess go. I could push myself, but I'll end up sicker and that doesn't benefit anybody. So I'm choosing to let it go. It's the same strategy with things - let them go. We don't need everything, and in fact, too many things creates this inevitable chaos in our lives as we strive to manage it all. Let stuff go. We don't take any of it with us when we die - so lets not live clinging to it all so tightly. Today as you find homes for new things, let other things go.

4. Involve your family. Teach your children now the value in setting goals, and always trying but not needing everything perfect, and that letting go of things is truly a good thing. In fact, in the next couple of days I will work with my family to sort through their rooms and to choose toys to donate. Make it a part of your family's posture - goals, letting go, and perspective.

5. Give yourself grace. You will mess up. It's inevitable. No matter how hard I try, or how perfect my color-coded chart of goals is, or how determined I am to make this plan work or the kitchen stay clean or to not raise my voice there are still times where I mess up. Give yourself grace. Remember - you are not your emotion. You may be feeling frustrated, irritation, and overwhelm, but you? you are simply not the emotion. Emotions are there to teach us to change or that something isn't working. Often overwhelm is a simple signal that the current strategy isn't working. Step back, breathe, recognize that you are more than overwhelm, and replace that emotion with something more empowering. And give yourself grace. Constantly be on the lookout to give and to receive grace.

6. Make some target goals. This is similar to the one word that people choose for the new year. Set some simple target goals - I will wake up at this time, my kitchen island will be clean, I will shut the computer off at this time - and then work hard to stick with them. Notice the word - some. So often I end up writing a list of a zillion target goals and find myself overwhelmed by day two morning. Write your list of goals, and then pick three. Work the three that will make the biggest difference and leave the rest till those original three become a habit.

7. Start fresh every morning. Finally, remember to start new every morning. If yesterday was awful it doesn't need to define today. Little ones in the home create chaos, mess, challenges - expect that - but don't lose sight of all the good they create - laughter, joy, eyes to see beauty, and love of the little things. Bless your family with each day starting fresh - everyone gets a clean slate. The past is the past. Learn from it, grow from it, but do not let it define your today. Today is a new day - a gift - use it wisely and remember to cherish the little moments of joy that are tucked within the fabric of normal.

Seven very simple ways to simplify - these are more of a mindset versus concrete and tangible goals. Often we start with the goals and forget to adjust our minds. Don't forget to start there, and again, always remember that life is truly a journey, a blessed gift, and to live with eyes awake to the blessings that surround us.

What are simple ways that you simplify?

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stuff and joy. making real room.

Sometimes there's too much stuff.

I can see it all around - toys here, a paper stack, a purse on the ground, a pencil thrown about, play food, a coat on the rail, magnets, and stickers, blankets, books, hats, shoes, ornaments, dishes --  it's all here. Driving here, meeting then, memorizing this, buying that. All needing to be managed. Taken care of.

The stuff tries to chip away at joy.

Sometimes I long for simplicity.

Yet, then, when I look, I'm almost afraid to get rid of it. Hesitant.

Maybe we'll use this book for math.
This game would be great to play.
I remember when they wore this sweater.

What if we can't replace it?

There's the real root, the real reason for the stuff that takes over. It's this deep seated fear of not being able to have what I think we need. So then I start to create reasons to keep something -- instead of being okay with releasing it.

Stuff is just stuff is just stuff. 

And all that stuff, all of it needs to be managed, needs time, and honestly -- it pulls me from those that I love best. I'll get irritated at the little boys with their messy room full of way too much to deal with. I'll get frustrated that the kitchen counters have papers on them, or cookbooks, or games. I lose the stillness, the peace, the quietness, the joy in the everyday when I allow managing of stuff to cause a frenzy in my life.

I cannot live in fear. I cannot allow the idea that the stuff is irreplaceable dictate keeping it around. More does not always equal better. The stuff isn't mine anyways. It's all the Lords -- and now, right now, I'm feeling as if I'm to start letting go of what I think I need so that room can be made for what the Lord knows I need.

I don't want to cling so tightly to things, or ideas, or agendas.

Sometimes less is more. There's more space for family, and laughter, and joy -- space that would be taken up in cleaning, sorting, folding, throwing, getting frustrated by, tidying, re-arranging, complaining about, organizing -- less stuff cultivates real room.

And me, a mom, with more time that can be spent intentionally with my family.

So, once again, I weed out extras.

And in weeding I find space, real room, and joy.

-------

what are your best strategies in creating boundaries with stuff?

being content. even when the to-do list isn't done.

I've got a to-do list that rivals an encyclopedia.

There's so much to catch up on - laundry, deep cleaning, organizing, homeschooling, paperwork, emails - and then there's so much to do - homeschooling {again}, baking, prepping for the Christmas tree coming in and so on. Let me just say, it's an impressive list of almost never-ending tasks.

I sat at home this afternoon with the sun streaming in {yes, it really was sunny} reading to my boys the story of Sarah Whitcher. It's a lovely folktale from New Hampshire telling the tale of how a young girl gets lost in the woods for days only to be discovered days later safe and unbelievably protected by a bear. As the words left my mouth I looked around and saw my two older boys content. They were drawing and making scenes on crisp white paper while listening to my words.

Then the story was done.

And my first instinct was to tell them to put the paper away and pull out the math books. We've got to do the next thing, keep on schedule, let's go boys! But, I sat there, with tears still rimming my eyes {if you've ever read the book you'll understand} and watched them work. Busy, intent on drawing, writing, and enjoying each other's company.

I looked at Grace. She, too, had found a seat at our worn oak kitchen table and was busy drawing and creating Christmas decorations.

The moment was simple.

In that moment of simplicity there was an overriding sense of  peace. I knew that despite my agenda, my plans, my endless tome of a to-do list that instead of hurrying them onto the next thing that I needed to trust myself and let them stay. I needed to release the idea that we needed to do math, and mapping, or reading at that exact moment, and instead allow them the freedom to explore and learn and enjoy the now.

It's hard for me. I just like to race through that to-do list checking off boxes as quick as I can - and seriously, you know I add some boxes onto the list that are done or almost done so that I can check them off immediately. But, today, today wasn't about to-do lists. It was about family, and enjoying the simple things, and breathing deep.

Life around here has been out-of-order. There's been the surgeries, and recoveries, and doctor's visits, and Thanksgiving, and trying to figure out the new normal. In those days anxiety has risen up and crabbiness floats underneath the surface. Sitting here now, typing in the peace of night, I have the hindsight to realize that if I had chosen to grab my agenda that I would have once again pushed our family back into the frenzy.

Sometimes it is okay to just be.

To sit in learning and to let go of that list.

There are days where we'll plow through double the list {love those days}, and then they'll be days like today.  As time goes on I'm getting more and more and more comfortable with being okay with our day at the end of a day like today. I no longer count it as a day where we barely got anything done but rather now they're beautiful days of family.

I've got one short childhood with these sweet  kids.

One.

That to-do list? It really won't matter in fifteen years, or three months, or even in two days. What will matter? What will matter is the balance found in determining when to let go of the list and when to push through. It will matter more that I was attentive versus trying to force math facts into memory. The learning, the to-do list, it eventually always gets done.

My to-do list? I think we did exactly what we needed to do.

the flexible schedule. it's possible.

I'm a schedule lover.
I'm a schedule hater.

But, more than both of that I've realized that I'm a person that needs some semblance of a schedule. For years and years and more years I've wanted that cool crisp color-coded calendar (how was that for an alliteration?) that I've read about in homeschooling magazines. I've tried it. I took my day and organized it in these neat thirty minute chunks. It looked perfect.  Really, it did -- I mean I had everything worked out on that piece of paper. Laundry. Math facts. Reading those educational books to the toddlers. Cooking my meals. Answering emails. It looked amazing.

Until about 9:15. When someone spilled water and the phone rang and the little one was sick and I was out of coffee and needed to make a mad dash to Starbucks. Coffee is important, you know. So then my nerves? Shot.

I kept trying and trying. Different books. Different ideas. I even tried no schedule -- which, by the way, I don't even recommend. Then I went back to that original beautiful color coded schedule and my Bible And, most importantly, prayer. Slowly, I began to take from it that perhaps it wasn't necessary to break life into 15-30 minute chunks, but more important to take one's schedule and daily plan and place it at the Lord's feet. I needed to seek His will for our family first. Then, for some it can evolve into a tight structured schedule and for others (like me) it can develop into a flexible framework for the day.

That's me. I've got this framework, these ideas that we move into and around. It's not tight, but there is an underlying agenda. And it's written out -- in case we ever get to the point where we don't know what we're going to do next. Which, by the way, rarely happens because we tend to be a family that doesn't get through everything I planned in those grandiose and visionary planning moments of mine.

Do I do it every day? No. But there are days where we take our flexible schedule and really work to stick with it. If we didn't that's okay. In fact, the picture below is of the week before Samuel went to the hospital (where he was diagnosed with Celiac Disease) last year.  If you look, you'll see that the marking of the schedule simply ends. Life happens. My priority at that time was not filling in those boxes, but rather was my family and Samuel.

Do I grade my year as a pass/fail based on those weeks of unchecked boxes? No. We made up for it. In different ways. We learned different things --- about Celiac Disease, and gluten free, and how to run a household. The unchecked boxes? We finished them. Slowly, but surely, we finished. But, family comes first. Always. That detail? That's an honoring God in the details type detail.

And, one last thing,  I handwrite everything. Seriously. That's another post entirely, but let me just say that printing and typing and saving (even though I'm a writer) makes me slower. I think I spend too much time looking for the perfect font and formatting -- hee hee hee. Blog ideas. Schedules. To do lists. Lesson plans. Planners. Dinner Menus -- all done on white printer paper with some excellent pens.

Bottom line for me? To keep moving forward, to embrace the schedule, and  yet still be okay with not being a slave to the schedule. There really is not a day that goes by where every single thing gets checked off of my list. I just keep going while trying to keep a posture of gratitude and joy.

My top 5 tips?

1~ Pray and read your Bible. And pray some more.

2~ Learn to laugh at life. Find joy. Read this post to see how I do it.

3~ Figure out a laundry routine (yes, that's in the top because uncontrolled laundry makes me crabby -- controlled laundry brings joy.)

4~Spend time with the little ones first (another post coming)

5~Make a flexible schedule. A framework. Use it to guide the day, but be free to adapt.

********************

I've partnered up with some fabulous bloggers who are sharing some of their favorite scheduling tips. Make sure to visit their sites as well. You will be blessed by their wisdom!

Jimmie's Collage- Meal Planning for Well Ordered Days

Raising Arrows- How You Spend Your Time Matters

Somewhat Crunchy- Chores 'Round Here - The Teen Schedule

A Slob Comes Clean- When Life Happens and Your Schedule Stops Working

Finding Joy- The Flexible Schedule. It's Possible.

Spell Outloud- Do Toddlers and Well-Ordered Days Mix?
Weird, Unsocialized Homeschoolers- Scheduling Time with Your Husband

Many Little Blessings- Finding time for Creative Endeavors

Catholic Icing- Creating A Schedule Your Family Can Thrive On!

Get Along Home- How I Stopped Dithering and Learned to Love the Schedule

If you have a schedule tip that you'd love to share please add it to the linky below and we can all bless each other with our schedule knowledge. :) Your link will be shown on all host blogs listed above so you'll only need to link once.

crabby mom versus cheerful mom

These days between Christmas and New Years Day are interesting, aren't they?  You still have Christmas decorations up, the house is a mess (at least parts of mine.  I go to my room or the bathroom for sanctuary.  They're probably the only rooms without new toys somewhere.), the schedule is screwed up, the kids have had way too much sugar, and honestly, there isn't much of a plan.

This can make me crabby.

Like Scrooge crabby.

  

(me probably thinking about where I'm going to put those toys)

I slowly begin to remove the snowmen, and the window clings, the Christmas dishes, and crumpled paper.  The clothes gradually make their way from warm bodies to the dirty basket in the laundry room.  Toys begin to migrate from under the tree to their respected homes in various kids rooms. This will go on until the day where I've decided that I've had enough. Then within hours my home will go from looking like a mild atomic bomb went off to clean.  Very clean. At least very clean standards for a family of nine.

I'm kind of like that.  I can put up with stuff for a while and then all of a sudden I can't handle it anymore. It's a mindset -- right?

Kind of like the day I really decide to potty-train my three year old. Or go switch the summer and winter clothes.  Or purge the closets of toys.  Or clean out the cabinets and fridge.  Or clean the truck. Or deal with those over due library books. Or empty the email inbox flooded with 1024 new emails. 

I'm thinking today or for sure tomorrow is the day when I reclaim my space.  Until then?  I'll live with Legos underfoot, and Woody Dolls in the corner, and a Mario Kart figurine on my computer desk, and the sound of the Wii downstairs.  And I won't be crabby about it.  I won't.

Because I know it's just a couple of days.  And their laughter, their freedom, their  is worth more than my need for order. That's what they'll remember.

Crabby mom vs cheerful mom who doesn't mind tripping over a couple dozen new toys.

Today that's my attitude. And, yes, I'll still be slowly taking down some of those decorations that were so artfully placed throughout my home weeks ago.  And I won't complain. 

we homeschool. And...

...we take most of December off.

For years I've found myself stressed out in December.  The schedule bursts with activities, places to go, and things to create.  Instead of fostering an environment of peace, excitement and even joy -- I let my home become a place of anxiety.  Even simple things, like making cookies, became rushed.  We were moving so fast that we lost Christmas.

Then, in the same breath, I'd be trying to cram in our studies.  We'd work through the day, and due to the high level of activities, academics, and Christmas planning, we'd end our day exhausted and ungrateful.

So I stopped.

Several years ago, I realized that I needed to take most of December off from homeschooling.  In fact, I also realized that it is okay to do this -- it really benefits my family.  We need the time to be a family.  To serve others.  To make cookies -- okay, we don't really need it, but cookies are important. When I overloaded our schedule we lost time to focus on our Savior's birth.  I'd rush through Bible lessons to get to Math to get to Spelling to throw some clothes in the dryer to switch out the cookies to knit a couple rows to shovel the walk to take them to ballet to change a diaper to wrap some presents to help with phonics to.....

It was simply too much.

Now, I plan our year knowing that December will be busy.  I'll tuck extra lessons in here or there, or we'll do some phonics or math, or I'll cross out the repeated lessons.  I don't follow my regular schedule.  And I let it go. Sometimes that's even harder as I'll find myself worrying that we didn't get any academics done.  But, I overlooked all we did do.  Like handwriting when we write out letters of thanks.  Or math as we double (or triple -- hee hee hee) cookie recipes.  Or history when we read Jotham's Journey and discuss nomads, and Israel, and more.  I'm amazed at how much we've learned this month -- I'm simply aware to what questions they ask or where their interest is piqued.

Learning doesn't always need to come with a list to check off.

Learning can come in living life.  

So there.  I've admitted it.  I am one of those homeschoolers who gives her kids a good 3-4 weeks off in December.  And I'll tell you one other thing -- when we get to January my kids are incredibly motivated to do their work. They really are.  And so am I.  We're refreshed from Christmas.  Imagine that?  Refreshed and revived instead of stressed and burnt-out. Oh yeah, and I've also discovered that at the end of the year we're exactly where I need to be -- in both scenarios -- knowing that allows me to really relax for these couple weeks.

December, while still busy, is now a beautiful month of freedom, laughter, and joy.

I call this picture - Me, the less-stressed, Mom. 

(thanks, Hannah, for taking it on our girl's day.)

ballet + toys + schedule = random

Last week, I didn't link up with Miscellany Monday.  That was only the second time since it began.  So this week, I've been determined to write my Miscellany post! You all know how much I love this meme.  It's way to fun to be random!

1) I have one blank day a week on my schedule.  Only one.  And it's Friday.  And, now, it's being threatened with an item to do.

reposting my schedule picture

Sunday isn't filled in yet -- notice after that only

three blank Fridays remain.

2) That item?  Ballet practice for this year's Nutcracker Ballet.  I'm praying that my girls get roles that require a Saturday rehearsal --since I'm already there.

that's Hannah with the kids from the 

Creative Movement Class that she student teaches

3) Why?  I drive to North Ballet Academy everyday of the week except Friday and Sunday.  I think our vehicles know the way to ballet.

4) There's a beautiful back road on the way to ballet.  I've been snapping pictures there for the last year.  In fact, I'm getting ready to write a post titled - the road to ballet - stay tuned. :)

here's one of my pictures

this was taken last spring when the river flooded the road

the road closed 12 hours after this picture was taken

 and was closed for 10 days

5) Hannah goes through pointe shoes every six weeks.  That's painful for the pocketbook.

Hannah's screenshot on her laptop

That's her feet -- in pointe

6) For those of you who know me on facebook, you know that several days ago I confiscated about half of my older sons' toys.  They had been told to be stewards of their rooms, and after several days weeks of walking into a messy room every night I decided to follow through -- I came in and removed the toys that were strewn about.

7) It took them two days to notice the toys were gone.

8) They are much happier without all the toys.  Now they actually play with the toys they have left.

9) I could offset those new pointe shoes by selling the bins of toys in the garage.  Hmmmmm.....

10) And finally, to be completely random, I just wanted you to know that I am sipping my Keurig brewed coffee.  Today's blend?  Donut Shop.  And it is good.

Thanks guys!  Have a great Monday.....excellent Monday...amazing Monday....okay, get through Monday!

And remember to link up to my dear friend Carissa's Miscellany Monday thread. :)

reclaiming today

I've been a bit stressed these past couple weeks.  I've been planning our homeschool year.  Looking forward to what might work, and looking back at what didn't work.  Then today, after remembering September 11th from nine years ago I realized something --

In the process I've lost today.

In my prayers I've been reminded of several truths.

1) Time is finite.  Only the Lord knows the number of our days.  While planning and preparing has a definite purpose in life if it takes away from me being present then it must be tempered down.  I've written before about how I have the tendency to utter, "in a minute" to my children -- and then the minute never comes.  Keeping the idea that this moment, this day, is a gift in the forefront of my mind helps me keep perspective.  There's less "in a minutes" and more doing.

2) This too shall pass.  I was reminded of that phrase while blog-reading.  I came across a blog or an article in my homeschooling planning quest.  In that blog, the author talked about the phrase -- this too shall pass. (I'm sorry I don't have the article link.  If you are the author or know the author please inform me.) So often I've looked at those four words as words used in difficult and negative times.  Yet, just last week I was convicted to think of those words in all times. Good and bad.  Yes, I have many, many, many days that are challenging.  Homeschooling is hard.  It really is.  Being a mother and wife takes work. There's finances. And schedules.  Those things will pass.  But, this time will pass as well.  I've found myself stuck in overwhelm over daily life forgetting that this day, this time will pass. There's always tomorrow.  Or next hour. Antithetical to point one?  If they were side by side yes....but keeping the idea that time is finite and it will pass creates this healthy balance of being aware and present today.

3) Bible first.  It's so easy to start our days with what we think needs to be done.  Laundry, or academics, or cleaning, or even playing with our little ones.  But, honestly, Bible and time with the Lord needs to be first.  My main goal this year is to sit at the table with my children and simply read the Bible.  That's it.  No fancy curriculum.  No amazing flannel-graphs or prepackaged charts (although I must say that my chart of Adam's life was cool).  We're just reading verse by verse through the Old Testament -- and are being immensely blessed.  Did you know that the Lord fashioned clothing for Adam and Eve after the fall?  To me, and for my children, we found such tenderness in that act.  He could of let them run around in their strung leaves, but instead, despite their sin, he took time and made them clothing.  That's what we learned.  Together.

just had to show you part of our chart

You see, my friends, I needed to be reminded of the beauty in today.  Today might be my last day on this earth.  I don't want to spend my time angry, or worrying, or sullen, or moody, or ungrateful, or overwhelmed, or overworked, or crabby, or short-tempered, or forgetting.  I want to be alive.  I want to be grateful, loving, peaceful, kind, present, living aware of tomorrow, remembering yesterday and embracing today.

Today is a gift.  Use it wisely.

logistics

There are certain logistics in my house that need attention.  I don't know if it is just me, or having seven children, or too much stuff -- but I need a new system.  A plan. A hug.

Here they are -- in no particular order.

1) Shoes.  We have a teeny entry closet and enough shoes to outfit an army.  Sandals.  Flip-flops. Crocs. Tennis Shoes.  Sport Sandals.  Ballet shoes. Boots. Church Shoes. All times nine. Well, all except the ballet shoes. I have no idea what to do with all these shoes.  Besides our current strategy of throwing all the shoes into the closet, creating a pile as tall as Elijah and quickly, and I mean quickly, shutting the door.

a sampling of shoes outside of the closet

2) Recycling.  In our city they only pick up recycling every other week.  We produce a fair amount of recyclable products.  In fact, it is slightly funny to watch us haul not one, not two, but three or four loads of recycling down to the curb every other Tuesday.  Honestly, by the time the end of the two weeks is coming I tend to just chuck the glass into the garbage.  I've got an order in for the recycling can from the city.  But, sigh -- I'm sure we'll fill that as well.

3) Papers.  Papers.  Papers.  Homeschooling, bills, mail, catalogs, drawings, maps, construction paper -- it never ends.

4) Email.  My inbox currently? 1037 new messages.  Seriously.  Now, before you think that I am insanely popular, let me tell you that in that group are probably 52 messages that I really need to read.  Then they get lost.  In between my notification for winning 2million dollars, and the ad for Kohls and Bath & Body, and the  freecycle notification, and the facebook status replies, and sigh...

My Hotmail Stats

Hotmail

Inbox (1037)

Junk (21)

Drafts

Sent

Deleted (75)

5) Samuel.  Laugh -- here's my logistical prob.  We have no way of properly gating our stairs.  The stairs leading downstairs have a gate bungee corded to the one side.  The stairs up?  I have no way of gating them.  And now, Samuel's new obsession is climbing those stairs.  In the time of writing this post we've had to retrieve him from the 3rd step going up five times.  And, I've only been writing ten minutes.  How do I gate those stairs?

(just had to put this CUTE pic of Samuel up)

6) Laundry.  Feel free to read any of my previous posts regarding laundry.  Hold on -- I need to go grab Samuel -- okay, back.  My new solution to laundry is to have laundry day on -- Monday, Thursday and Saturday.  I can wash and dry, but I need to develop a love for folding and putting away.  I'm learning patience and perseverance.

Laundry Posts

taming the laundry

chaos to order

overlooked power

ok.  There you have my logistic dilemmas for the week.  I'd love to hear how YOU handle these constant needing attention areas.   As the years go by I've learned to throw and donate more and more things.  Anyone need any shoes? ;) I've got some extra....