real life mom notes

A collection of my real life mom notes.

I will remember that motherhood is a beautiful gift. I will especially remember this at 8:05 am after my world has turned to crazy chaos and I've realized a shower won't happen again today.

I will remember that whenever someone tells me that this is just a season that some seasons involve runny noses, throw up, potty training accidents, spilled milk, skinned knees, and many things that do not have to be favorite moments.

I will master steering the gigantic cart at Target and will be able to make turns with great ease and skill while holding onto my phone and an iced latte from Starbucks while quickly perusing the clearance endcaps.

I will give up and throw out the lone socks after six months.

I will think of library fines as my contribution to keeping the library in business.

I will not judge other moms.

I will keep all paper products in stock at all times.

I will not be ashamed that I don't use coupons. And I will celebrate the one time I do have one to hand to the cashier even if it was one stuck to the product that I was buying and I just had to peel it off. It still counts.

I will never label myself as "just a mom" and if I do I will read why being mom is enough.

I will keep artwork for just a bit and then will maybe take a picture and then will be willing to let it go.

I will remember to not purchase the red colored gatorade or pedialyte when my children have the stomach flu. In fact, I will stock up on clear gatorade or pedialyte for those very unfortunate moments in life. And I will remember that holding puke bucket and comforting a sick child are moments that deeply matter as they are truly giving of self.

I will not judge the interior of my vehicle with the interior of another mom's vehicle. I will instead embrace the wrappers, smooshed up fries between the seats, and stains on the windows as a badge of motherhood.

I will remember to smile at other mothers. To extend a hand, offer help, and to be a friend. Not a critic.

I will remember that when someone says to me whoa! you have your hands full! that most often they are trying to compliment me. And I will reply that yes my hands are very full. And smile.

I will remember that every single lane at Target has toys at the convenient level of my toddlers and on the reverse side magazines that I'd prefer their eyes not see.  So I will learn the skill of the redirect and try to  keep them focused forward at all times. Or else deal with the never ending barrage of questions asking for teeny Petshops or Lego sets conveniently priced under $5 or why there are pictures of girls in their underwear.

I will learn to slow down and see the world like my children do. I will celebrate the ants on the sidewalks, the paint on the table, the sun setting, the dog barking, the tower of legos, and all those ordinary moments that my children find as extraordinary.

I will always thank the baristas at Starbucks. Always.

I will remember that leftovers put in the fridge will more than likely not be eaten and that sometimes it is perfectly acceptable to throw away the tupperware holding the science experiment with mold inside.

I will learn the art of sleeping with toddlers that rotate like clocks in bed, with children who wake up with bad dreams, with kids that wake up for thunderstorms, and any other distraction that keeps one from sleeping.

I will learn to balance my yes and no answers. Sometimes. Maybe.

I will always determine the order for everyone in the car before proceeding to the drivethru lane.  Let me repeat that - I will determine the order before pulling up to the menu and then stumbling through an order and dealing with shouting children from the back of the vehicle begging for the cool meals.

I will learn to love the little things. Even if those little things are just ordinary things.

I will learn to give myself grace for all the times when I mess up. Because they will happen, but they don't have to define me or my day or my motherhood. Mess up moments teach me about life. They make me stronger. And make me realize that taking everyone to the grocery store while everyone is hungry is never a good idea.

I will be grateful for technology. Let's face it - iphones and smart phones are amazing. And Netflix? It's a gift.

I will learn to keep an emergency stash of chocolate, or coffee, or licorice, or anything that would constitute a good emergency stash of something hidden in my home. And I will raid it when needed without guilt.

I will not be afraid to be myself. I will live boldly. I will remember that comparing can eat away at joy.

I will not compare my middle of my story with someone's beginning of their story or their end of the story.

I will try to remember that motherhood is a gift. But, I will forget, and that is okay. And sometimes it might feel like spinning in a circle over and over and over again. But, deep down, deep down when they're sleeping at night I will allow myself that moment to breathe deep and feel gratitude for this journey.

I will live finding joy. In living a life that knows that joy isn't dependent upon perfection, but on the heart.

I will tell my children I love them.

I will be proud of what I do.

I will celebrate motherhood. Me. In the midst of an ordinary, and yet extraordinary life.

Motherhood matters. I matter. 

**** What are your real life mom notes? ****

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All photographs used by permission and credited to Hannah Nicole.
Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

the little things that make a mom

A glimpse at the brave, and very real, mother.

She understands that staying up late holding her toddler doesn't mean that she'll get to sleep in late and yet she does it anyways.

She knows that despite being very busy that those children racing around the store, jumping down the stairs, throwing all the clothes out of the drawer that were just folded while they look for the one shirt that they love,  are truly blessings.

She's a fighter for her children - an advocate, a dreamer for them, and is not afraid to make sure that they are safe. She'll stop traffic for them, will scan a crowd for them, and will not be afraid to keep the rules in place for them.

She wipes up spill after spill and wipes face after face and wipes away the tears and still manages to kiss them all goodnight and whisper words of love. She'll walk into their room at night and watch them sleep while wondering why in the world they were so trying during the day when they look like an angel while they sleep.

She can grocery shop in stealth mode with a toddler in the gigantic cart with the blue police truck in front, a baby in her sling, and a preschooler finding all sorts of favorite new things to try.



She is able to read the same book over and over and over again as well as provide entertaining voices for each of the characters. And she artfully knows the skill of skipping some long paragraphs for those nights when bedtime needs to arrive just a bit earlier.

She has the phone numbers for the doctor, dentist, soccer coach, and pizza place programmed on her phone. She also has the phone number for her dear friend who can remind her of everything she's doing right memorized.

She understands that phrases like I hate you and you're a horrible mom and this dinner is awful don't define her. She works hard to brush them off and to keep loving and fighting for those ones who are pushing her buttons.

She makes mistakes. She owns her mistakes. And then she brushes off the mistakes and tries again.

She laughs. She laughs at the simplest things - the preschooler and their funny sayings. Sometimes she remembers to write them down. And sometimes she is thankful for facebook because she shared them there and thus wrote them down at least somewhere.

She tries to say yes more to her kids - even if it's just playing trains, running in the backyard, or reading one more book at bedtime. And yes to herself - often that yes is really a no to more things to do and yes to her family or for time off.



She works hard. Sometimes she works out of the home or in the home or a combination of both. But, no matter what, the brave mother works. And often she doesn't get much credit for that work, but she keeps on doing it.

She's learning to compare less.

She has mastered the yoga pants look and pony tail in the hair. She also knows that if she runs to the store really quick with the hopes that she doesn't run into anyone that she almost certainly will run into someone.

She understands that fears of failure, not measuring up, overwhelm, and all of that are normal. They don't define her. In fact, she's learning that those things that she worries about are the very things that make her stronger.

She has sometimes learned the art of the whisper. When they get loud - she whispers. And if she forgot this one now she'll remember.

She can store a month's worth of dates and appointments in a calendar in her head. Most of the time. For the other times she's thankful for her phone.

She understands that time keeps moving and tries really hard to embrace the days that she is given. And sometimes, on those days that are just plain hard, she's truly grateful that time does keep moving.



She knows when to put down her phone and shut the computer screen but she's not afraid to use them or to give herself a break or to pull out her camera to take a picture.

She can remove toys from their packaging in record time and can assemble toys just as fast. And she knows where batteries might possibly be for those needed toys or which toys to take them out of so that the new toy can have them.

She tapes artwork on the fridge, wipes handprints off the wall, sweeps dirt from the floor, rescues baseball gloves from the grass, puts books back on the shelf, cheers from the sidelines, gives up her coat, and pours hundreds of glasses of water all the while remembering that it is just a season, a window of time, in life.

She may be weary and deep down need sweet reminders of worth. Like you matter. You're amazing. You make a difference. You can do this. You are mom - a hero. Stuff like that.

She is a mom. A brave, empowered, go-getter, fighter, beautiful, trying to remember the little things, stepping out in faith, tucking them into bed at night and being grateful, mom.

It's the little ordinary it's just a mom things that make a mom.

What little thing do you love about being a mom?

******

Need encouragement? 21 of my Dear Mom Letters are now together - they are the letters about why you are not failing, why you matter, and what to do on those overwhelming motherhood days.
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those letting go days of motherhood. why moms are truly brave.

And then they were gone.

It was months in anticipation. Months of planning, skypes, excitement, and even last minute in the snow shopping trips to the Mall of America in late April. Which, in case you were interested, really does have an entire amusement park with roller coasters inside. And now, yesterday, after packing bags that were almost too heavy, I drove to the airport, went through security, drank some coffee, and then watched my two oldest daughters get on a plane and fly away.

That's what I want. I want them to be brave and to explore the world and to follow their dreams.

Even though the mothering part of me wonders how in the world it went so fast.  No longer am I dropping them off at preschool and wandering back to the car with tears in my eyes but now I'm watching them take off in a 737 and I'm standing in the terminal with tears in my eyes. They need to do that. It's that growing up, I trust you, I believe in your dreams, you are amazing, and you need to be brave things that we as mothers must do.

It simply goes so fast.

Instead of working with basic math facts I'm watching flight tracker waiting for that fabulous text stating that "I'm here!" Sometimes I'll look back and the years spent mothering them and I'll immediately see all the mistakes and things I wish I had done and not see all the brave moments. I'll worry about the fact that we never went to Disney World or that we stopped these classes or I'll wish I had been more intentional or played more games or all of that stuff that us mothers worry about. I'll think about those things and miss the little things.

Intentional parenting is really not about spending every single second with your children. It's not providing them something to do and having days so structured that they move from event to event to event. In some ways, parenting with an intentional heart is this understanding that you are slowly letting them go. It's knowing that they must have opportunities to grow up, to learn, and to be deliberate in their thinking. It's being brave and bold even though sometimes we just feel like it's normal.

And mixed in that is this deep understanding that each day you're given is a gift. That's the heart posture. Each day might not be amazing - because honestly looking back at the stream of parenting years I'd have to admit that most days were just days - but even with that each day is a gift. Life is a gift.

So as I cheered when I heard that the plane landed I also cheered for myself. For the courage as a mother to let them go, to believe in them, to give grace, and to keep moving. And just like yesterday, I cheer you.

You may be just like me years ago sitting in the car as your three year old is dropped off at his class. That is brave. It's brave to let them go and let them grow. That matters. It's brave to decide to do each day well and to learn from the past but not let it cloud today. It's brave to get down on your knees and look in the eight year old's eyes and to tell them that you love them no matter what even after the hardest day ever. It's brave to look a pediatrician in the eyes and to ask him what's next. It's brave to stand behind the bathroom door, to brush the tears away, and to try once again.  It's brave to just keep going even when you're tired, weary, and honestly just a bit tired of pouring cereal and milk.

Pouring cereal and milk? Don't overlook that. That's the fabric of motherhood. You start pouring it for them, then you teach them, then they do it on their own, and then you don't worry about them getting it because you've taught them how. A simple analogy, but the truth.

Now today, today as you bravely put one foot in front of the other and move forward remember that all those little things - the teaching of how to button the coat or how to run the laundry or picking up the toys or saying the please and thank you's or how to drive - all of those things build up together and empower your kids. They matter. They are the things that gives your kids the courage to scan their ticket and walk away from their mother standing in the corner with tears in her eyes and walk down a jetbridge onto a plane.

I brushed my tears and watched the plane holding just a bit of my heart take off into the sky.

Proud.

The little moments matter. The little things matter.

Moms are brave.

Onward brave mother onward!

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Images and original content are sole property of Rachel Martin and may not be used, copied or transmitted without prior written consent.

mom motivation - tips to keep the day in balance

Years ago, I remember reading an article that tried to put a monetary value on motherhood - it is well over 100k - and lists all these things that moms do. The cleaning, counseling, driving, cooking, teaching, and more and gives it an arbitrary monetary value (If someone would love to pay me that I'll gladly accept). But despite those high claiming numbers of how much we're worth as moms it is very easy to lose our motivation  in the day to day. Trust me, I know. I've stared at Mount Washmore and wished for the actual laundress to come in and fold all of those clothes and to find the forever missing sock. And secret - I have to set a date of every three months to throw out those old socks - otherwise I'll keep them forever. I've wished for the cook or the driver or the person who would just keep the legoes sorted.

But, for most of us, that's simply not a reality. We need to stay motivated - in motion. Here are some simple things that help with the mom motivation.

develop a routine
Simply develop a routine that works for your family. Go ahead and read about other's routines, but remember to craft a routine that fits your family's unique dynamic. Some of you may thrive with things calculated down to fifteen minute increments while others of you might simply need a framework for the day. But, develop something. Here's why - when the days get a bit crazy the routine can help you get your day back on track. It also offers somethings solid for your day. Make sure to cultivate time in the day where you can rest, relax, and not have to do work. You could work all day long. Choose to add buffer space within your schedule.

remember stress is a choice
This awesome phrase was told to me by my friend, John Miller, and he writes about it in his book QBQ! The Question Behind the Question. I heard him speak it in Florida while I was at the BEECH Retreat, but I will tell you those words stress is a choice has stuck with me. {I highly recommend reading his books, and am in fact reviewing some of them now} How often do you or I mutter the phrase - I'm so stressed out. We say the words, and then aim for that target - stressed out. What if the word stress was eliminated from our vocabulary? If as moms we started to realize that stress is a choice then we can motivate ourselves during our day. Are there difficult things that we must do? Yes, but if we choose to not get stressed, then we are staying one step ahead. For me, it is recognizing that something is causing me stress and then deciding what to do with it but not sit in it. There is power in that decision making process.  Look at your day, and do the best with what you are dealt, and keep moving.



do not worry
(Or at least really work on not worrying.) These are words from my dad. I remember calling him up one time and him telling me to stop worrying. And I thought about it, and asked him how I couldn't but not worry, and he asked me what all of that worry was doing for me. What was the benefit? Just as stress is a choice I also strongly believe that worry is a choice. It's easy to sit in a cycle of worry - but moms, check your thoughts and how quickly you revert to worry. Instead use those moments where you are worrying to instead ask yourself what you can do now or else put the worry on the shelf. Or, and I've done this, allow yourself to worry for two minutes about it, and then choose to move on. Worrying depletes motivation.

do one thing.
A mantra in my home is do one thing and do it well. Now, as I write that to you, you must also know that I am the queen of multi-tasking. I am constantly doing a zillion and thirty-two things and a time (or at least it feels that way), but I've learned for those moments where overwhelm threatens to bump my mood that I need to choose to do one thing from my list and to complete it with excellence. The zillion and thirty-one things can wait until that one thing is done. And often, that one thing means sitting down, grabbing the Richard Scarry book and reading. Or taking a walk, gardening, cleaning up email (set the timer), vacuuming, playing cars - simple things - but beautiful things.

be the thermostat.
I've shared this before, but find it worth sharing again. My very dear friend Amy told me years ago that we need to be the thermostat in our homes and not the thermometer. A thermometer matches the temp, the mood, in the home. A thermostat regulates the temp, or the mood, in the home. It's very easy to slip back into the thermometer role, but then often moods, anxiety, misbehavior, and all of that can get ramped up. Step back, take a breath, and regulate what is going on. Remember to do that one thing well. Whisper, do whatever it takes to bring the level, the mood, in the home back to a motivating level. Some days this is a huge challenge, just keep at it, moms. You can do it.

take you time.
Even though you have the title mom to your name now, you also are you. Don't lose sight of the things that you love to do in the midst of motherhood. Instead work to cultivate them as well. What do you love? What are your passions? It is great to be passionate about all things motherhood, but keep those things that are so uniquely you active as well. We want our children to grow and work on their dreams, and we need to also continue to be shaping and spending some time on thing we love. Play the piano, garden, write, sew, speak, paint - just create space for those moments for you as well. They are really times to recharge self - don't forget the importance of that as well. Besides blessing you it also will bless your children and teaches them to not only go after dreams but to refine things that they love.

celebrate your story
Be proud of your life. Look at your story. Chances are it's quite beautiful. I know, you might tell me that it's too messy too be beautiful, but really, when you look at the most beautiful stories they are the ones that aren't perfect. Begin to celebrated your story, your life, and the moments that you are blessed to share. A couple of months ago I told you to put the soundtrack station on Pandora on while you worked. Do it again - let the epic quality music fill your home and give grandiour to what you are doing. Let that motivate you, spur you on, and encourage you. Each of our lives is a grand story - we just forget at times to see the beauty in our stories. Celebrate that today.



Some simple things to motivate you as moms. I know I need those motivating things during some of those crazy days of motherhood. It's been a week of encouragement, and pulling up the boot straps, and really doing the hard things. Motherhood is a balancing act - getting it all done, enjoying the moments, not being too hard on ourselves (remember dear mom who needs to let go of mom guilt), being the thermostat, and at some point resting.

You can do motherhood.

****

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surviving the domino effect days of motherhood

I had in my queue a post ready to go for today - it's a lovely and fun post listing sweet moments in motherhood. But, then real life hit, and part of my goal of being a writer is being real and sharing some of those real life moments with you all. I believe we grow when we're transparent - especially if it isn't just a vent fest, but rather is more a sharing of my heart and the lesson learned.

So here goes.

Yesterday was a domino effect day. And I mean a domino effect day where the dominoes are set up multiple times in hopes that the day will redeem itself and each and every time it is knocked over before the last one is set.

As I sit here typing, I can't even pinpoint what exactly made yesterday just one of those day. Even as I moved around my kitchen preparing lunch I kept mulling over hypothetical Dear Mom letters to write. Dear Mom Who is Tired of Making PBJs. Dear Mom Who is Going to Pull All of Her Hair Out. Dear Mom Who is having a Really Bad Day. Dear Mom Who is Having a Horrible No Good Day. Dear Mom Whose Children Decided to All Have a Bad Day on the Same Day. Dear Mom... Well, you get the picture - a falling dominoes kind of day.

It seems as if all four of my boys decided to wake up on the wrong side of their beds. And this takes tremendous skill as their beds are pushed against the walls and getting up would somehow be impossible. But, they, amazingly, still managed to accomplish the same feat. Whining, no fair cries, more cries, complaining, fighting, complaining again, and all of that was constant. Remember my domino analogy? Well they were knocking over the dominoes faster than I could reset them.

It got to the point where hearing each whine was making me literally want to sit down on my kitchen floor and have a good pity cry. In fact, I think I did shed some tears for a bit. Finally, I put several in their rooms to read and another on the chair to do their reading and I went and rested on the couch. For just five minutes, I told myself, just five. (And moms, if you need to step back when you get overwhelmed, then you must allow yourself the grace to do that.)

After about 15 minutes Samuel, who also joined that getting out of bed on the wrong side club, wandered over and asked to rest by me. I gathered him in my arms and held onto him and then that sweet boy, who had thrown a tantrum an hour earlier, whispered to me I love you mom.

Love me?

Love me. The mom who had declared that she had enough. The mom who was worn out with the constant and repeated whining. The mom who decided for lunch that day it would only be Kirkland Honey Roasted Gluten Free Ham on a plate with Pirate's Booty and some strawberries. I didn't make a sandwich or roll the meat - I just put it on the plate and called it good. He loved me. Even though I said a bit too sternly would everyone please just be quiet for just an amazing 58 seconds? And then I got irritated at the mess and all of that. He still loved me.

These domino effect days simply happen, sweet mothers. They happen. I have them, you have them, and the hypothetical, though I'm sure it's out there, mom with the perfect pinterest board pin for cute ham roll ups for kid's lunches has them. They are normal.

The crazy thing is that when I wrote this it was in the afternoon of that domino effect day. I was sitting at my table, and Grace was working on some homework, Samuel sleeping on the couch, and the boys playing quietly downstairs. The sun was streaming on my back, and my house was absolutely peaceful. The same day.

Motherhood is about constantly choosing to pick up the dominoes and resetting them. You know they are going to fall, but we keep picking them up, making new paths, doing the laundry, dealing with issues, going up and down, and rejoicing over the great accomplishments. Gradually we move forward and the dominoes that once fell will happen no more.

Breathe, mothers, breathe.

That is what I kept telling myself as I held Samuel as he fell asleep in my arms yesterday. Breathe. Those crazy hard all the dominoes are falling over moments in the morning don't define a mother. They don't define motherhood success. They are just real.

Pick up the domino. Stack it well. You will get through those domino effect days.

I'm joining with you.

Start again - one domino, one day - at a time.

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Seven Ways to Embrace Motherhood

Yesterday, I wrote a post called Don't Miss Motherhood and I shared how easy it could be to miss motherhood in this race of life. Today I'm sharing with you seven ways to embrace motherhood, and to find joy, just like my grandmother told me. ~rachel

Here are seven out of many ways to embrace motherhood.

1. Don't Wait. Living a life with a finding joy type heart is something that I want to encourage you to not wait on. When I speak to groups one of the things that I emphasize is to not wait to live a life seeking joy, but to begin to see joy in the midst of life. For too many years I waited to live life with joy - wanting to wait until thing were easier - the finances, the relationships, the things I wanted - and then, in reality, I missed out on moments of joy. Don't wait. Make a decision, right now, and to decide that you are going to open your heart up to living intentionally and seeking joy. Joy cannot be bought, but truly is a posture of one's heart.

2. Cultivate Time. There is always something that we should be doing - always a drawer to organize, a place to be, something to be cleaned - and part of embracing motherhood is disciplining ourselves to manage the always need to be done things with the items that we really should be doing. Reading a story with a four year old besides us will only last so long. Cultivate space within your day to make these moments happen.

3. Guard Your Schedule. Not just what you do, but also what your family is involved in. The catalog of activities from my community gets bigger and bigger each month. There are so many activities and places that we could be going - so many that are awesome opportunities - but I challenge you to look at how much time they are taking from the moments that you are able to spend together. Guard your schedule - schedule in  time as a family - movies, dinners, walks, playing catch in the backyard - and keep that a priority. Often it is saying no to things that are awesome, but ultimately yes to family.

4. Listen to Your Words. Pay attention to how you talk about motherhood, about the day to day, and your kids. There is great power in words. If the words are constantly about being behind, being overwhelmed, or being discouraged, then something needs to change. Listen and learn from your words - try to speak in words that are empowering and motivating. If I catch myself saying that I am no good, not able to do this, and overwhelmed I will change it instead to words of can doing it, managing it, and I matter. Words and tones matter. Think of your words like a target - you'll move to what you think - check your thoughts and correct them. There is power in I can do today.

5. Connect. Connect with other moms, other women, and with your family. I strongly encourage you to find other moms to walk this journey with and then to be bold and establish a culture of real support - support that is not based on outward things, but rather in joining together and encouraging each other on their motherhood journey. Connect with your family as well. Find moments in the day to learn about everyone's days and to really listen - don't listen thinking about the next 578 things you need to do, but rather listen with the realization that you are being given a gift, a gift right now, to hear their heart and to connect. They grow, and the toddler that you remember will soon be simply a reflection in the adult they are becoming.

6. Capture the Moment. Don't wait for tomorrow to come to do the things that you could do today. There have been so many times where I have gone to bed wishing that I had put my kids before doing laundry, dishes, and having everything ultra tidy. On Saturday my inlaws were coming over and I had this massive to-do list of things to get done - dusting, vacuuming, laundry folding, dinner prep - and I was intent on finishing. Then I stood in my kitchen wiping the sink and saw my two oldest boys outside making a snowman. (This is hard to type without getting teary) I remember seeing them, watching them work, and making the decision that even if my inlaws come over to a messy house that I didn't care right then. I put the dishrag down, grabbed my boots, and went outside and rolled large balls of snow and made a snowman. That mattered. And, the irony is, that my house got cleaned - everyone chipped in - those boys' hearts were full. Capture those moments.

7. Give Grace. Ah, grace, a word that leaves my lips numerous times a day. Give grace. Learn grace. Grace matters. Mother give your family grace - seek to understand first (love those words from Steven Covey) and don't judge immediately. And bless your children with grace. And in that blessing make sure to bless yourself with grace. Grace for the moments when you snapped over crumbs on the floor, grace for the times when you got up late, grace for the times when you pushed the real important things to the side, just grace. Learn a posture of grace in your motherhood journey.

Embracing motherhood, finding joy. In the midst of the busy it can be easy to forget to slow down and to make an active choice regarding our actions in motherhood. You have power, you can make decisions, you are an empowered person. Start looking at your day with a different lens, and just like my grandmother shared in my post yesterday, live a life of finding joy.

Seven ways to embrace motherhood. Start today.

Life moves by way too fast to not.

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