preparing for the week. priorities.

I love Sunday.

It's like a mini version of the New Year -- you've got the week spread in front of you. A clean slate, with days to fill, and things to do.

Except this Sunday. I'm looking at my week and it's already booked solid. Appointments, deadlines, and important things to figure out. Today, instead of the usual anticipation, I'm feeling a bit of overwhelm even before the week starts.

Break it down. Prioritize.

On my schedule all I see are the to-do's, not the blank spaces. I can guarantee that there are more hours spent doing the normal routine, the schedule, versus the many items to do. So I start to break down my days. Wisely. I schedule writing time in the early morning or late at night. I also give myself a lovely Monday morning to write while I wait for Chloe to finish teaching ballet. I'll plan my meals -- at least give myself an idea of what we'll be eating over the course of the week. I'll spend about an hour today organizing our academics -- filing, printing, and scheduling. And I'll update a master calendar with all the to-do items.

And prayer. Sometimes it's all too easy to overlook the value of dedicating one's week to the Lord. It's easy to just get up, look at the schedule and attempt to fly through the week on your own strength -- and then, at least for me, I'm normally exhausted by Monday morning. So this year, as part of being resolute, I'm taking some minutes to pray about my week before it happens.

The week will happen. And I know there will be wrinkles added {look at my last week Friday}, but that is okay. I will continue to press on, to be aware, and to use my time wisely.

Take five minutes. Grab your planner. Look at your week.

First priority?

Dedicate your week to the Lord.

the days that are hard on a mother's heart

Today is one of those days. The days that you really dislike waking up to, the days that you know will be hard, the day where you know your momma's heart will hurt.

I've gone through days like this -- last winter was so hard while my sweet Samuel was in and out of the hospital finally getting diagnosed with Celiac Disease. And now, today, Hannah is having surgery on her ankle, and even though this is an elective, and yet very needed, event, today will still be hard.  I know how painful it is to wake up from orthopedic surgery (I'm giving myself the pep talk for mine next Monday). I keep telling her that it will feel awful, and that she will doubt why she did this, but that with hard work she will feel good again, and she will be able to dance ballet again.

It's still hard.

It's those days where the tears sit right there behind the momma's eyes. Where you work so hard to keep them from falling so that you can be strong for them. I know she'll do great. I know it.

So today, if you think about it, would you say a prayer for my Hannah? I have already been praying for the surgeon's hands and that he wakes from a good night of rest. I pray for the staff and the nurses and that she can feel Jesus's presence in that space.

My momma's heart? It will hurt for my baby (she's still my baby), but it will be strong. That's what we do as moms -- we give, and give, and give. And our strength, my strength, cannot be rooted in me, but rather must be rooted in the Father. So that is my prayer. For His strength, and wisdom, and peace.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

That's my prayer.

today

I'm leaving for the Relevant Blogging Conference in fifteen minutes. My heart is racing, and I'm nervous. But above all, I am grateful. Anytime the nerves attempt to take over I remind myself of this gift to go, of my sponsors generosity {Ashley Pichea and Sarah Mae}, the generous gifts of others, and of my family's encouragement and support. Thanks for your prayers and "you can do it comments" this week.  I'm grateful for you as well.

I've prepped the house, folded all the laundry {I know, can you believe that?} and signed autographs on the back of my business cards for the kids. I've finished my powerpoint and talk for the Replenish Conference.

I think I'm ready. Or, at least as ready as one could be.

And these guys? Boy, am I going to miss them. But, I'll be back real soon -- and my prayer is that I return a better wife and mother with a heart even more focused on the Lord.

Oh, and by the way, Friday Favorite Things will be up tomorrow. I wrote that post as well -- and I love it -- it's one of my favorite ones ever. Hope you'll join in.

Blessings on your Thursday.

Rachel

preparing....

I've scheduled my shoulder surgery.

I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous. I've known it was coming, and I've had the surgery on the schedule for a bit {it will be on November 21} but haven't really talked about it. I think I was trying not to look at it in a way. I keep waffling, going back and forth, wondering if it really needs to do it. Then I remember. I remember the two and a half months I did physical therapy. I remember July when all I wanted was for it to be fixed. I remember how just this morning it was hard for me to lift Samuel. And even, now, as I sit in my family room typing away, my shoulder aches.

It needs to be done.

So I'm preparing my family. I'm not too afraid of the surgery {except I'm a bit nervous about losing some range of motion} and I know that I will fight very hard in the months after to regain strength. Oh, alright, I'm pretty nervous {if I didn't write that, my mother would be calling me} about the whole thing. I just have to keep praying and praying. And letting go of the fact that it is scheduled, to me, in the worst possible time.

It's just not convenient.

It's the week of Thanksgiving, and then the whole month of December where I'll wear that lovely shoulder sling. That just doesn't seem too festive. But, I'm working on letting that go -- that's not the reason for Christmas, you know. And now, I'm planning and preparing. Thinking about getting the Christmas lights out the week before and working to string them up. Planning out the homeschool, photocopying pages, and writing lists. Freezing some gluten free meals. Doing my physical therapy so that I can prepare myself and be as strong as possible.

And praying. And asking my friends to pray.

And learning to let my ideal agenda go. Again.

And again. And again.

And again.

faith of a child

There are some days where I get frustrated for Samuel that he can't eat gluten. Like those times when we want to order pizza {I'll make him his own pizza}, or there's the pastry table set up at church, or when we have hotdogs and he can't have a bun, or when I take him down the cereal aisle at Target. He knows he can't have it -- after all -- he'll tell me "me gooten fwee" -- and yet there are days where I just feel upset that his diet is so limited. Grateful for his health, but still sad that celiac disease affects his life in daily ways.

Then, last night, Brennan helped me put Samuel to bed. Actually, Samuel wanted his John Deere blanket, which was downstairs, and Brennan brought it up to his room. Once there, I asked Brennan if he would say Samuel's prayers.

He started his prayers. Thanking God for the day and for Samuel. Asked angels to guard and protect him. And then, all of a sudden, he prayed -

Jesus, please heal Samuel so one day he can eat gluten. And if he can't let Sammy be happy eating gluten free.

Out of the mouth of my almost eight year old. So innocent. So trusting. So full of faith. How often do I go through life praying with doubt already in my mind? Brennan reminded me to cast all my cares at His feet -- and to pray every single day for Samuel. For healing, contentment, strength, and joy.

He's a pretty happy little guy. Make that a really happy guy.

And very blessed to have a big brother like Brennan.

******

yesterday I wrote about what I've learned from my children. Today, thanks to last night, I've added another. And if anyone know a great gluten free pizza please let me know. :)

and so it begins....

Today begins the day of prepping for Samuel's biopsy tomorrow. I've got a pre-op physical scheduled for him this morning, and papers to prep, and lovey items to find for him to bring with to the hospital tomorrow. I feel like I'm pulling out this big book -- full of raw emotions -- and am opening it right back up.

I kind of wish it was Friday.

But, it's not, it's today. And today I will press on, keeping up my courage, and fighting the good fight. And believing for joy in the midst.

Thank you for Samuel.

Thank you for Samuel.

Thank you for Samuel.

I'm linking up with my lovely Hannah's lovely photo wednesday this morning. If you are a wordless wednesday type blogger and have a photo hop on over to her site and enter in.

I'm sure I'll be back with an update later today.  Thank you for your prayers.

I'm grateful.

the very late friday post

Well, that was certainly not the Friday morning of blogging that I imagined.

I typically write my (friday) favorites post on Thursday night and since blogger was down yesterday I was unable.  And that's okay. Blogger is free. And I'm grateful for it. However, for Hannah's sake {who was completing several huge blog designs for clients} I am praying everything gets restored.

On to some favorites. Like this fab picture of my Caleb's wink.

<br /> <br /> <a href="http://rachelmariemartin.blogspot.com/search/label/friday%20favorite%20things"><img vspace="none" hspace="none" alt="friday favorite things | finding joy" src="http://i617.photobucket.com/albums/tt255/ElvishAuthoress/fridayfavoritethings.png" /></a>

my dandelion weed picker

spring rain

my tulips

zyrtec allergy medicine

that in 2 weeks Samuel's biopsy will be completed

silly pictures of Samuel

my clean{er} garage

that the tornado that I wrote about in my previous post decided to stop
it was on the ground for three miles {in the country}
and then hit one house {very close to us} and then went back into the sky

pictures of the hail through our screen door

finding an outdoor patio table for $25

older girls who let me nap yesterday

older girls who make their momma a tomato and feta salad

my wind spinner 

and

that blogger is back up.

{finally}

If you still want to link up I'm going to add the simply linked tool.  I know it's after noon --so it is mighty late -- but, know that I am blessed reading about your favorite moments and blessings of this week. :)

Also, would you visit my friend, Karla's blog -- Masto Mama Chronicles -- and offer her some encouraging words?  Her son, Gavin, has been in the hospital this entire week.  She's been really helpful for me -- providing me so much information and support regarding my Samuel and his hospital stays.  I know she'd really benefit from some kind bloggy love.

Thanks so much and have a wonderful 1/2 left of Friday!

i have to stop

I simply have to stop.

I have to stop watching the raw video footage from the tsunami.

{you know, the footage that every news station shows over and over and over}

Not because I don't care

Not at all

I care deeply.

Very deeply.

I must stop because my heart is becoming numb

and I don't want to become numb to such tragedy.

And yet my heart aches.

I can't sleep well

Images of rushing water cloud my thoughts

Too many videos played too many times.

So much loss.

I just can't anymore.

**

But what I can do is live fully.

Thankful for life

Thankful for this morning breath

Thankful for the butter, jelly, and bread

Thankful for each of my children who greets me

Thankful for the light of dawn.

Thankful for the chores to do

Thankful for my home

Thankful for laughter

Thankful for safety and peace.

Thankful.

Remembering Japan

Praying for Japan

and

Embracing life

Not taking a moment for granted.

Thankful for the gift of today.

those days that shift perspective

Yesterday we did hardly anything.  I was completely exhausted from being up all night with Elijah. Once awake I noticed some facebook entries asking for prayers for Japan.  Then, curious and unaware, I clicked msn news and read about the devastation. Off to the family room, where we spent a good deal of our day watching cnn and msnbc.  In fact, Gracie can now site facts about earthquakes and can tell you how they work and what a tsunami is and how it's formed.

Facts are fine, good, but really not important.  The important were the lives. People. Families.

All caught in the midst.

It's hard to explain this to kids when one as an adult doesn't understand it either.

I had no answers for them. I just told them to pray.

Days like that shift perspective. The "annoyances" of daily life are no longer taken for granted -- they become the beautiful. Treasured.  Time is short. Finite. These moments stop and redirect my heart back to seeking the beauty, laughter, an attitude of content, and hope in the everyday.

I just wish that it didn't take days like that to remind my heart to remember.

So today, even with the tiredness in my body and the endless list of things to do I am going to remember. As I buy groceries, and wipe noses, and make a peanut butter sandwich, and clean the toliets, and make dinner, and sweep the floor, and fold the clothes, and drive to ballet, and make my bed, and pick up lincoln logs, and write this post, and brush snow off the car, and clean the boys' room, and water the plants, and wash those dishes.   Those things are life's gifts.

I am grateful.

Join me in praying for Japan.  Please.

the first collaboration (and a Samuel update)

When I came home from the hospital yesterday Hannah had this brilliant idea for a collaboration project between us.  She has been inspired by other projects in the blogworld and wondered if in my spare time {hee hee hee} if I'd be interested in joining her in collaborating in a photography/word project where we chose a word and then take pictures describing that word.

{Any chance where I get blessed to use her camera is an automatic yes from me.}

So this week we each took pictures relating to the word color. {I like hers better.}She chose mine for me from pictures that I took last week while Gracie was coloring. If you haven't visited her blog please hop on over to Aspire and leave a comment about her better picture. ;)

{Hannah -- top & mine -- bottom}

*************

A Samuel update as well. 

{same pic as yesterday -- I just love love love it & had to share again}

His infectious disease/immunology doctor called me this morning letting me know that a set of his labs have returned and that they all look good. We're still waiting for some more to come in, but hopefully they too come back normal.  I am grateful. It would be hard if his labs were off when he felt well.

We also established that he needs to be seen within 24 hours of a fever onset for another large set of labs that would give an indication of why he gets fevers and the triggers.

And finally, the doctor informed me that Celiac Disease could be the trigger for the sickness, fatigue, and fevers. Basically, the gut is damaged and thus leaks infections into the body. Healing the gut = less infections and fevers. It feels excellent to be finally discovering answers. If you're interested in reading about yesterday's adventure in the clinic scroll down to the previous post or click here. 

Thank you again for all of your prayers.

sharing a bit of my finding joy heart

1) I'm speaking tonight at a homeschool support group, and am sharing a bit of our story. I'd love prayers - that the words aren't just about me, but are words that reflect and direct back to the Father above. Oh yes, and prayers that my heart is calm. But most importantly, that the Lord can use me to bless those around me as I speak about His faithfulness in ALL circumstances.

2) Want to know what I'm talking about? It would be finding joy.
          (I wonder where I got that idea)

these flowers

 --which were a gift from a lifegroup at my church --

 bring me joy

3) Samuel had a great week last week. I'm having to relearn how to surrender and let go of worry. It's as if I've had to reteach myself to recognize that not every cry is one of not feeling well. He's approaching 17 months and has a wee bit of a temper at times. It's balance. And relearning. And trusting. And praising for the good days.

4) Over the course of the next week we have a follow-up visit with his amazing Pediatric GI Doctor (next Monday) and our visit with the Pediatric Immunology/Infectious Disease Doctor (tomorrow).I'm eager to visit with the doctor tomorrow and have been praying that he takes a serious and thorough look at my Samuel. I've been praying for good news and answers. And for that calm heart again. :)

5) I have only missed gluten a couple of times. I can hardly believe that I don't miss gluten more than I do -- considering it's in 90% of everything Target sells. I honestly believe that my determination in NOT eating gluten comes from seeing the change in my Samuel. A month ago he could hardly get up from the ground and now today he's going up and down stairs, climbing, walking without falling, and playing. He still has hard days, but they are less severe and shorter than they were previously. In fact, right now, he's been squirming on my lap while I've been writing this post. God is good.

Samuel with his gluten free gingersnap from Trader Joe's

6) Samuel's weight? UPDATE: I just weighed him and he's lost close to a pound in the last week. When I wrote this post this morning the last weight was sitting steady.  Then when I checked the plot on the Wii Fit he lost almost that pound.  I don't get it.  Sigh. **** He hasn't lost anymore weight, but he hasn't gained either. I don't get the no gaining because I see him eat and eat and eat --all gluten free. We've also taken him off lactose for 3months, and I chatted with his GI Doctor and we are repeating the biopsy in early summer to check healing of his gut. However, let me tell you, not losing anymore weight is a huge step in the right direction.

7) Last bit of info about me -- I wrote my post for 5Minutes for Faith. It's about rejoicing in the Lord -- in all times -- and is based off of Philippians 4. (I know you all are shocked that I used something from Philippians.)    I love that book. One of my goals for the next year is to memorize Philippians. I'm starting with chapter four. Anyone game to memorize it along with me? And click here to read my article at 5Minutes for Faith.

*********************

Kind of a serious miscellany monday. I know I haven't updated about Samuel for a bit. I'm in a quandry right now about the medical updates. I'm debating starting a caringbridge site dedicated just for him and his journey with Celiac Disease. But, then again, I want my life interwoven and real on this blog -- and Samuel's path speaks directly to my heart and my relationship with the Lord. Thoughts?

And once again, I'd truly be blessed if you could pray for me -- 

for my talk and for the appointments with Samuel.

tonight's prayer

Dear Lord,

Today I've had enough.

My plate was already full.

Too full.

I'm really tired.

Really really tired.

I didn't need the truck to stall on me.
(especially in 15 degree weather)
and

(I've got alot of other pressures)

Leaving me sitting in the science class parking lot.

I really don't want to spend money

On fixing the truck

When I'm spending money on fixing Samuel.

The budget is tight.

But, you already know that.

Even though I'm tired

And my plate is full

I'm still going to praise you.

Even though it hurts.

Because no matter what you are good.

I am reminded of your beauty 

when I see the hardness in this world.

You are light.

And you are hope.

It's hard to praise when one's heart aches.

Yet, I know you saved my Samuel.

You have plans for me.

For my family.

You will provide abundantly.

I am your child.

You know me, you know my family

So with tear stained and tired cheeks

I praise you.

I lift my weary hands

And thank you.

Even in the midst of this.

please pray

Samuel this morning

this is Hannah.

Sam has been diagnosed with Celiac Disease.

Right now, he's very sick and my mom is heading back to Childrens.

I know that she's worn out and Sam even more so.

If you could all pray for him, that would be a huge blessing. He's in so much pain right now.

thank you so much -- all of you are such blessings to my mom and our family.
thank you for praying.

would you remember?

...this sweet little girl in your family's prayers?

http://prayingforansley.blogspot.com/

Her name is Ansley and she has cancer.  My dear friend, Carissa, told me about her this weekend.  Finding out a loved one has cancer is terribly hard -- especially at Christmas.  It was awful for our family -- and yet, I cannot imagine how much more difficult when the one diagnosed is a sweet little child.

Will you join me in praying for complete healing?  And for peace for her parents? And hope?  And even joy in the midst of trial?

Thank you, my blogging friends.  Thank you.

I remember.

hierarchy

My little Samuel is sick again.  He's been battling fevers every couple weeks for the last several months.  Finally, yesterday, when he got a fever we decided to take him to the doctor on the first day of the fever.  When I called, they asked for his symptoms and I said "Fever" -- and the nurse was kind of flabbergasted that I would want to have her work him in on a Friday afternoon.  That was until I told her that he's been getting fevers every three weeks for almost six months.  She then scheduled an appointment for him for less than two hours later.

As I was driving the fifteen minutes to the pediatrician's my heart was heavy.  I couldn't understand why he was sick -- again.  I just knew something was off and that they needed to heed my worry.  I thought about who to call to talk to -- to hash this out, to ask for courage, to ask for prayers.  As I picked up my cell phone -- I stopped.

I needed to pray.

Not call others.  I had these cares and needs and yet, I wasn't coming to the Lord first.  I was looking to my friends -- blessings -- but not the Healer, my Savior, first.  So as I drove down the interstate I prayed (with my eyes open, of course) and prayed and prayed.  I prayed exactly what I would have talked about with my friends.  I prayed for peace, and for wisdom.  And I also prayed that the doctor would see the urgency and take me seriously and run the appropriate tests.

How often do I pick up the phone before I pray?  Sadly, it's way too often.  I know deep down that the Lord is first, and yet, I seek Him second.  When I pulled into the clinic I felt so calm, so assured, and so at peace.  I knew that this was not from me, but from my Father -- from me relinquishing my fears and anxieties to Him.

Once again, I was reminded -- that prayer comes first.  Always.

*******

As far as Samuel -- I found out that he has a strep infection.  The doctor and I are thinking that he's probably had this infection for several months, and that it's flared up every couple of weeks -- and even caused the croup that he's been battling as well.  I remember mentioning to the doctor that I was worried Samuel had streps months ago.  He had a rash -- just like my Brennan did when he dealt with strep.  They told me that he was too young, but ran a rapid strep.  It was negative, but I think it was negative because it was the 4th day of the sickness.  This was in May. Since then Samuel has dealt with fevers and severe lethargy every three weeks.

So this time, on Friday, the rapid strep was almost instantly positive.  I feel relieved they found it.  When my Hannah was almost 8 years old she was in the hospital for 4days with a strep infection that we didn't catch.  The doctor is having us watch him very closely because she's concerned that the strep isn't isolated simply to his throat.

I'm praying the antibiotics work.  Brennan is extremely allergic to penicillin so I'm always nervous the first time I give any of my little ones anything with penicillin.  So far, so good -- no reaction.  However, Samuel is still running a fever -- 102 -- and he's had 3 doses of the antibiotic.  I'm praying that this antibiotic wipes out that nasty strep from his system.  And that it never ever ever ever comes back.  :)

I'd love some prayers for that sweet babe of mine.

roots

He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:8

Where are my roots?

Lately, I've felt enslaved to flickering hope.

I've been adopting an attitude that wants to just become numb to the world.  You know - the functioning mom - moving around, smiling, looking like she's got it all together.  When on the inside there's ache.

What does it mean to have no worries in times of drought?  My earthly mind cannot understand not worrying. I try.  But, then, once again, I slip into worry.

Worry does not produce fruit.

I was thinking that I needed to just keep going.  Fighting.  Grinning and bearing it.  But my roots were shallow, and not centered on Christ, but on the sands of this world.  Then today, when I was sitting on my couch, I realized I could either continue doing this world on my own terms or surrender my agenda and sink my roots into Christ.  So I prayed.  And this is all I could muster.

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

That's it.  Over and over.

Those tap roots, those words, began to fill me with hope. Not mine. But His.

sprawling roots from my silver maple

A Miscellany Monday Whine

My verse for today?

An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up. Proverbs 12:5

The anxious heart?  Mine.
The kind words?  From you guys.
Why? Read below

1) Today's temperature is supposed to be about 94.  Not bad, right?  With high humidity.  With  heat warnings -- where it will feel like it is in the mid 100s.

2) Just a reminder -- yes, I do live in Minnesota.  And no, we are not always cold.  See above.

3) Last night, about eleven pm, I thought to myself, "Is it warm in here?"  I went down, checked the thermostat and it read (brightly -- due to the new batteries we put in earlier in the day) 84 degrees.  Hmmmmm...I flicked the switch, felt the vents (blowing hot air), and went outside.  Dead.  My outside unit was dead.

4) Changing batteries in the thermostat does not fix the problem.

5) Attempting to find a working flashlight in a house of four boys at 11:30 at night (it was that time by then) is never easy.

6) Our interior of our home is creeping up to 90 right now.  And it is only 7:58 in the morning.  The interior of my mood is creeping to 90.  And at 100 is the limit.  I am going to have to think of some super plan -- involving iced coffee -- to make it through the day.

7) I am hot.

8) When I say, "I am hot" I mean that my body is not cool temperature wise.  Just thought I'd clarify that point.

9) Even though I tried to be humorous in this list, there are many pressing needs on my family right now and it is testing my perseverance.  Really.  It's easy to get overwhelmed right now -- especially when I'm warm -- but there seems to be more that needs to go out then I have in.  I'd love prayers for God's providence.

10) And last, but not least, I am laughing at the irony of the label on my air conditioner.  See picture.  There is no achieving going on now. I'm thinking that this is more of an epic fail.

Thanks for reading my whiney Miscellany Monday.  I tried to make my whiney at least a little bit enjoyable.  And doesn't whining/finding joy together seem like an oxymoron?  I hope I redeemed the whine.  At least it wasn't this:

Bloooooooooooooooooooooooogers......I neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed your loooooooooooove.  (in a grating whiney type)

Remember to link on up!  Carissa's Miscellany Monday post today is awesome.   Had me grinning.

Thank you all so much for praying!

(Hannah again)

Sam is out of surgery now. They got what he swallowed out of his throat. The item?

A pink star sequin. Lodged sideways in his throat. My dad has a picture of it on his phone, and I don't know if my mom will put it up next time she posts. They got it out endoscopically, so they didn't have to do any cutting. He's asleep now, and they don't know whether they'll be coming home tonight, or staying there.


Just thank you all for your prayers--they mean so much and definitely made a difference. I know that my whole family so grateful for all of you.

God Bless,
--Hannah

Asking for prayer

This is Hannah. My mom asked if I would ask all of you to pray for Samuel. Last night, he started crying and screaming and making gagging sounds. This lasted for a little while and then my mom decided to take him into the doctor. When they got there, he was okay and seemed to just be tired, so they went home.

Then this morning at around 3:30 AM, my mom took Sam in again, because he was having difficulty swallowing and was in a lot of pain.

The long story short is that they're at Children's right now (or heading down there) and Sam's going to get an Endoscopy. He swallowed something and has something in his esophagus, and its far enough down not to cause choking hazards but he can't swallow well and he's in a lot of pain.

If you all could pray for him (and my mom) that would mean so much.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all and God bless.
--Hannah

Week 1 of 4....food loves

WOW.  One favorite food?  When I have so, so many?  I could list ice cream, or bulgogi (curious?), or strawberry shortcake, or chicken with artichokes, or CHOCOLATE.  All favorites.  Sigh...how to choose?

But then, I got thinking, also spurred on by Hannah over at Aspire, about my coffee.  Sure some could say that I was all in it for the caffeine, but for me, the coffee has a deeper meaning.  So, now with that intro, I will boldly state that coffee...specifically coffee at Startbucks, or Caribou, or Dunn Brothers...is probably my favorite food.  I mean, beverage.  Want to know why?  Well, I'll write about it anyways.....:)

I didn't start out as much of a coffee drinker.  Even when I was in college studying architecture and interior design, when I was up late creating scale models, I just didn't reach for coffee.  Specialty coffee was a newer phenomenon back then (notice I didn't say WAY back then).  There was a coffee house in the student union building.  So I'd get a mocha now and then...but SERIOUSLY...I was terrified to even order.  There were so many choices, too many, and it was just weird.  Too bad there wasn't wikipedia WAY, I mean back then.

So I got married, had Hannah (who came up with this fun idea), Chloe (my aspiring pastry chef...and man, is she good), and Grace.  Then we moved to San Diego for a while.  And let me tell you that Starbucks is EVERYWHERE out there.  And they had drive-thrus.  Now, that may not seem like a big deal, but when you are the mother of three young children a drive-thru can make or break the deal.  Especially when you used to live in Minnesota (which, by the way, is the current state of residence).  So I'd find my little green mini-van slipping through the Starbucks drive-thru.  And I became hooked.

ahhh...the drive-thru

Well, now by the time we moved home several Starbucks and Caribous began to get the idea that a drive-thru was a great idea.  I don't know how having a drive-thru when it's -22 degrees helped business.  Are you kidding me?  It's AWESOME.  Anyways, I learned to love my little treats.

But there's still something deeper.

Money was tight.  There weren't many luxuries that I could buy, and my husband, Todd, always wiggled in room for me to get a latte once in a while.  Then he got sick.  By this time we had Caleb (our 5th baby).   Caleb was six weeks old when we noticed something wasn't right.  And then it took another 5 weeks for Todd to finally have surgery, find out it WAS cancer and then begin treatment.  Well, the day he had surgery I was at the hospital alone except for baby Caleb.  I still don't know why I was there alone.  I cannot believe no one came with.  However, I've started to believe that it was critical that I was there alone.  I wept and poured my heart out to the Lord.  If there had been others I probably would have hid the rawness, the aches, the pain and the fear.

Ok...coffee connection?

When I came down the elevator after saying goodbye as they led him off to surgery I started to pray.  And I prayed and prayed and prayed.  I remember praying this quick, 2 second silly prayer, "and please Lord, let them have REAL coffee...like Caribou."  I'm not sure why that came out in my prayers, but it did.  Perhaps it was comfort, or security that I was wanting.  Well, I get off the elevator and I walk to the food area, and I see a sign that states:

Methodist Hospital PROUDLY serves Caribou Coffee.

I was blown away.  My coffee mattered.  My little, itty-bitty prayer mattered.  It put into focus what a caring God we serve.  Not only can He move mountains, but he loves me, and you, so much that those little details, the little quirks about ourselves, matter to Him.  And, how I love Him.

The four years since this date have been full of joys and struggles.  There have been really devastatingly hard times.  Our financial picture became trashed due to almost a year of lost work.  The economy crashed.  Pain.  And still joy.  My Elijah.  And Samuel.  And the amazing blessings of my five older children: Hannah, Chloe, Grace, Brennan and Caleb.  That we are still cancer free.  We have a home.  Amazing friends.

I still get my coffee.  The kids have discovered that without it it's like my kryptonite. So if they see me stressed, or anxiety-ridden, they'll tell me, "why don't you go get a cup of coffee mom?  We'll tidy up and watch the little ones."  Tidy up?  (my other trigger point) and Get coffee?  They've got me figured out.

I know coffee isn't all that I need.  The Lord is truly the number one.  There have been times where I've fasted from coffee.  But, I'll tell you the truth, that for me, coffee is comfort, relaxing and a fave food of mine.  And deep, deep in my mind I'll never forget the blessing of the dreary December 19th when I saw the Caribou sign  in the hospital lobby.

I can't wait to hear about all your favorite foods!  Link up.  Join in.  :)  

(oh, one last thing...one year I received $65 of coffee gift cards for my birthday.  Then this year I got a Keurig coffee maker which can brew Caribou coffee.   I think it's safe to say that my secret is figured out)

  

coffee